Roar in the Afterglow

This is a post about what I deserve, what I don´t deserve and why I left an engagement ring behind at nearly 30 (yes, the one in his sock-drawer at his parents house) and how that decision was never made out of anger but out of love. I am not afraid to learn and grow, neither within a relationship or on my own, But relationship requires teamwork, Capability to look beyond ourselves, See our impact from the eyes of someone else, For pain we cause we do not run or look away, we deal with it and listen to the words they have to say. It is hard, I know, it is called growing pain. Love is much more then a dance under the stars,  it is measured when the growing pain starts, it will happen once in a while,  But love grows stronger through empathetic communication, each and every time.  We are all human, and h ave our ways effecting the ride.  I t is building trust that gets us through the tide. I deserve a teammate beyond all else, so without it I can let go of the milestone ” engaged

I recently wrote a few posts about life choices we make (and how they should be based on the knowledge of ourselves). I am a wanderer soul too- and I will never deny that from being true. I also wrote about how (once made the choice to enter a relationship) a personality/lifestyle with wandering needs, or those with regular impulsive unconventional behaviour and anxious choices caused by #adhd, requires strong emotional commitment to their life partner and empathetic communication (including the way we express our needs). By doing this our partner can trust us in our intentions and on our ventures and is not left with the feeling that we walk away from them but that we walk back to our inner selves. Partners (like I used to be) also need to try to listen and understand, work with their own anxiety. Team work starts with figuring out ourselves (our traits, needs, reactions, possible projection of past pain and our communication pattern), it is an essential corner stone for building the

  Projection; - a lot of unresolved anxiety Dating in London;  - "I wish you looked more like home to me, I wish we had more shared similarities."  I feel hurt as this is all you see. I continue (heart-brokenly) to be me. Anxiety builds as you realize you can not make me into what you need, your bad head-space falls all over me. You knew that this strange dark state of yours comes once in a moon, "-If I did not fill your needs you will have to look for someone new. " These flashes of darkness were still a foggy mystery to you, Resolving communication never happened, as you could not quite put your finger on its roots.  It was somewhere there projecting this built up pain in you, I felt heartbroken, abandoned, and struggled to listen to your poorly communicated truth. We both projected our inner pain and it spiraled like the flue.  Communication;   - recalled conversations,  Visiting in Montreal; Me ;   - Can I meet you friends ? Him : - I do not think they have

I previously wrote about making life choices and the importance of staying true to ourselves when making them and choosing our path. But no matter how much these bigger choices (like changing career or moving to another country) and smaller ventures (that will be mentioned here) lay on our mind ready to take action, there is something to consider once we make the concious big choice to enter a relationship; - our partner. Our now most important commitment of all.  We all go through moments in a relationship where we need time to go out and venture to for-fill ourselves and our own wants and needs and where our partner might momentarily be physically left aside, wether it is going travelling on our own, going on a night out with our single friends, leaving for a longer job gig abroad, or (as my ex had) spending alone time hiking and camping in the same tent as a friend of the opposite sex. Sometimes we need to get away and take a breather, other times it is simply part of our personal n

You, you should always make your life choices for you, set a standard for your own boots. If you are choosing a path (like a career, a hobby, living arrangment, lifestyle, entering a relationship, marriage or having children) to prove a point to others, to make them proud, to reach their set goals and standards, to receive appreciation, you are choosing their path, standards and frame, and the life that comes with it.  You might never really fit in it.  Always feeling unhappy with yourself as there are uneven boots to fill. You are (maybe for a lifetime) blowing air into the wrong sails. Working hard to reach a goal that was theirs.   Do not skip your own heartbeat and settle in the frames of others. By doing that you are putting yourself aside. Abandoning that inner truly contempt smile. And make sure that you are truly ready for what you then decide.  Do not create a life you still secretly want to run away from, do not bring others pain. Live your life honestly, but most importantly

I wanted to stop myself for a second, write down about the life I want and strive to work for, I am sure I have written about this in the past but once in a while it is good to take a rein-check.  If you want to read about the feelings I want to carry in that life/or with someone you can read  about that here:    When I get back home     The True Career and how to find your place as a HSP, What do I want ?   But this post is more about the practical steps and decisions, as in when, were and how ? And what about money and career.  First of all I have a long time ago realized that the 9-5 and weekends off, plus occasional trips to the Spain when a bit of culture, sun and pool is needed, is not for me.  I am longing for the unconventional. The out of the box, the unknown. Life is too short, the world is too remarkable and you are too precious to confide to a life of 'stay put because what if in 20 years..' I choose to turn around the worry this way.. if your heart desires to explo