Roar in the Afterglow

Today its the Orange Day, its UN:s International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. I thought I should write today, and even if we all should help to break the silence, and help the person if we ever found out that their being abused (in any way), the truth is that often we stand alone. I wanted to write about that day, The day I broke the silence. It has all luckily started to fade into a blur, but I will try to recall as much as I can remember. I remember him sitting indoors on his computer for weeks, Outside there was a sunny summer, I remember trying to tell him to go outdoors more, to get some fresh air. Maybe he could do his work in a park ? I remember that he got outside with me, we were supposed to go and meet his friends a few kilometers away, I reminded him of getting outside more often, " I mean look at all the people sitting in the park, there's still summer left" He told me to Shut up ("Why cant you just shut up.. ?") , and

I'm sitting here on the floor with a cup of tea in my hands, wiggling my toes. The mirror is right in front om me and my newly washed hair makes me look like a natural Aretha Franklin or a very fluffy Chewbacca, both probably equally as cute. It feels quite nice to be able to sit here with myself like this, to just be here, here with me. For a long time I couldn't. I avoided mirrors, I couldn't look into her eyes.  The humiliation had made me vulnerable, I felt ashamed, didn't want to see her, me, and I also avoided facing the truth, the pain I knew I could see in my eyes. I want to explain what I meant by "Thank You for Humiliating me, for I've learnt to see my own beauty" in my post Thank You .  As I told before, he pushed me into things I didn't want to. As the years went by I fell into silence I stopped having an own opinion or to say it out loud. I accepted that this was the only kind of closeness that I would get, so though it hurt that he