Roar in the Afterglow

I decided to try and clear my thoughts on the reason why I at times can not seem to give an answer to a question handed to a group I am part of (think planning a school presentation in the past, practical tasks, quiz-night) This probably has something to do with me becoming overwhelmed (inside my head mostly) by noises and chaos. Or the obstacle when trying to converse in a foreign yet fluent language. But it is more than that- you see I sometimes struggle to understand. I can not put the sentences together, they are coming out of all directions around me, and by the time the question has been read out once- I have already forgotten it- Or, struggled to understand it all together. I need time to think. Paint a picture in my head. This does not take many seconds..well depending on the length of it all.. but those second, or minutes always need to be re-kindled (re-started) if something (noise, chaos and general hurry) comes and blocs the way. I am however (somewhat) good at doing my p...

Do things feel like they are not going anywhere, like you are stomping your feet on the same piece of ground ? Has your heart just been broken ? Are you asking yourself; will I ever get over this.. does this pattern just repeat itself. I feel this way sometimes... stuck... in pain... in an emotional rut.. you name it....sniffling and incapable to see the light, although to be fair.. that light.. even in the darkest of times does, in small glimpses, a little here and there, make it through to reach my receptive self. But seeing the small pieces can sometimes be an exhausting process....in this piece I wanted to concentrate on something else, something bigger. The Magic in a Year. If you think back on last year.. how much has changed, how many bigger or minor heartbreaks have you concurred (and yes.. not still faced..) and how has your view on the world broadened ? How many adventures (some more sudden) has the past year taken you on ? How has your life changed within that year ? ...

Sometimes life gives us lemons… we stumble and hurt our knee, we did not get enough sleep, we run into our date while looking like shit, we make mistakes, were out of luck and end up missing out on something.. a fun event or that one type of cheese we had planned on buying, the sudden weather does not suit our outfit.. we get grumpy, frustrated.. angry, a small thing could set the tone for the rest of the day. However, I wan't you to be aware that I did think about those cases where there is so much else that is lurking behind the reason for our mood. There are the cases where we are going through hardships, when the making of lemonade just really feels like a tasteless joke. Positive thinking, when going through a tough time- that one might sometimes be a hard nut to crack. I used to struggle with this, live a life where everything seemed gray.. well it was gray.. I was gray, I guess what I am trying to say here is that sometimes this type of thinking just does not cut ...

I wanted to write down something about self perception. How our looks, physical strength and the way we sound and come across to others, affect the way we see ourselves, how we feel about ourselves. My mission here was not to write about the make-up on our face or that eye catching dress we could wear. But rather the people...humans we are. The ones we will always be. For a long time I had quite a low confidence. That low confidence came from how I perceived myself, and I still struggle with that from time to time. You see I knew I was small, short, clumsy, sometimes a bit chubby (boys nickname for me in Pre-school was Christmas ham) and later just small as a twig. I had struggles in finding that voice inside, and when I did I was afraid that that voice was too big- not suitable to this body of mine. I was afraid of being too loud.. too annoying.. I became quiet...awkward... and at moments invisible trying to keep the awkwardness away from daylight. Sometimes it sprang...

Solo-travel and exploring on your own often seems to be something that is considered too big of  an hurdle, an  uncomfortable area we would rather avoid. As wolves we are more comfortable in a pack. I used to think like this myself. The thing is however, that we often (as singles in a busy world) find ourselves alone when we would have the time for an adventure. Schedules do not fit.  - Then there are of-course the differences in interests as well, and as being without a partner no one is  "obligated" (please take with sarcasm :D) to go with you on your holiday to extraordinary locations and events.  But hey, that being said; - what a perfect time for you to do exactly what you always dreamed of ! All I want to say is go for it.   Do not sit around waiting for "maybe another time" due to the fear, and I am not talking about the fear of being scared that something might happen on the way (that does not seem to be the first thing that pop...

When you are lost, reboot, feel yourself in your shoes When you are drained, look within, and know that your strength can be regained When you are back up on your feet, travel to the sound of your beat When you reach a mountain top, look back with a smile on your journey And finally,  Thank yourself for being there when you start to feel blurry. When things feel too heavy never continue your life on replay, look forward, and there you have it, a brand new day Losing your head and direction can happen at anytime. But remember to reboot, and then... Watch magic come to life. This post is about being drained, to get back up and find your way, and remember to follow your own pace. It was inspired by someone who I could tell was feeling this way. If you want to read about finding your strength through travel, you can read Travelling Growth & A Backpackers memoir. 

I traveled back to the countryside and coastline to get some fresh air, to this village like city that I lived in before I lived here. I walked along the city walls, felt the warmth from the Cathedral chimney. I for-filled my own wish to get a mystery book covered in wrapping paper, with a message stating what I am searching, now and maybe still later. I had some cream tea by the window towards the tower and then ended up in the pub where and old man sat next to the open fire. After some much needed steak ale pie, I moved the flowers on the table a bit to the side, I opened the wrapping and found the title inside, Time for a Change, and ones again it came right on time. So I sat there with the book in my hand, sometimes people watching, there were locals coming in, a dog jumping towards me, jokes at the bar and a two men, one old and one young, trying to get the jukebox to play something. The young mans eyes met mine, I looked at him, we both smiled, then he met a girl, so I though n...

Ever felt like the city you live in is filled with old heartbreaks around corners, mistakes and embarrassing incidents? That no matter where you go, they always haunt you (well.. I mean you could always leave the city.. but why let these things win ?) making you feel like a misfit walking along those streets. More often then we would have hoped, we go through or lives meeting guys who turn our head around, sometimes for a longer while and sometimes for one really good evening, and sometimes before you even came to this city, making us feel so good and confident, hoping that at some point there would be some more, but sooner then later they just leave us with short one-liners making us feel like they find us about as interesting as a potato (no offense to potatoes). We analyse, try to resolve to gain some clearance and in the process of that end up feeling like we just did a freak show (seriously, no matter what we do). Every place reminds us of something, where it happened (good and...

I have always known that I am a bit weird.  I think out loud, make up songs of things in my surrounding, sometimes even without noticing it. I mean who does not like a good tune about tooth brushes ? I laugh a lot, sometimes in inappropriate situations and I can get so mesmerized by a guys existence next to me- that I as I listen to what he's telling walk in to a lamppost. (yes that did happen in those awkward teens.. ) I apologize even to objects when I pump into them and you should hear my polite phrases gone wrong when I am tired and want to wish the cashier a good day (but politeness is important, it helps them get through their day !). Even still as an adult I have my special little places that I used to have as child, and I pick up rocks whenever I feel happy or safe and keep them in my pockets so that I could hold them when ever I would not feel this way. I used to see this weirdness as something I should hide, some of it is embarrassing right ? But now I wear ...

With the smelly bag on my back I was almost homeless yesterday, I came from the camp where I worked and will continue on Monday, I had not booked a hostel and didn't know where would stay, I took a shot and headed towards Earls Court to first find a Cafe. With the same clothes I slept in inside a cold tent, 3 warm blouses and pants with mud, I felt so out of place for London Central, I decided to avoid South Kensington, would probably have given a posh lady a heart attack. Luckily for me just around the corner I found A place, and now I`m staying here at Earls Court for another 3 days. The not having a home to go to, being a bit lost and out of place, made me feel quite lonely, and I miss home even more these days. It made me think of the homeless, that we all deserve a warm bed, to be on foot is tiring, a home base makes you feel safe. But for me this is just another adventure, compared to them this is a choice, and soon I will be home again. But back to back...

I had the most wonderful thing happen to me, it was love, just like out of a film.. actually, it Was in a film. And I was sitting on the couch, by myself, just me, eating left over chocolates from Christmas ... And it was so romantic that I even clipped my toenails on the same table.. okey that is not romantic at all... but I am by myself, so I can do whatever I want and soon I am going to be living in and sharing a house with 4 other people for the next 6 months and maybe longer after that, so I am taking everything out from these last few days as a lonesome.  Anyway, the point was to write about the feeling you get when you watch a film like that- with no one who holds you, smiles back at you or massages your shoulders while you clip your toenails. Sometimes it might feel like a bit of self torture, am I right ? I mean I know times when I just do not let myself watch anything like that, just to avoid the feeling. But why? I mean, I like it, not the self torture, but the other ...

It is always good to write, especially to write down your feelings, to get clarity. The University School psychologist thought me a few years ago to write a positivity journal. The idea was to remind myself of the good that is going on in my life, around me, in me. It helped a lot, to see the positive in the things that have happened, what I have learned and how it made me stronger and what good I can see in this particular day. Slowly it helped to change my way of thinking. So now I do not have to write down a list or a journal everyday. It is in the way that I feel. And first I thought that it was all about writing down all the things I learned, the fun things that are happening right now and what I should look forward too. But with time I realized that its much more than that, For myself I adapted that positive writing to use whenever I start to feel anxious. Important here to know about anxiety, if you did not already, is that it comes in waves (at least mine does) you do not ...

I went out hiking this weekend Sometimes when you get out in the nature you remember to think clearly, you stop for a second and get closer to yourself than ever. Watching over the quiet lake reminded me of how thankful I am of my own vulnerability as well as my strength and the fact that I am still standing. I am thankful for no longer being there, in that down-dragging mess that could have been my future, I am thankful that I am here, right here and still breathing, but without the feeling of hopelessness in my chest. As night came, we; that is us scout leaders and some of the kids, did something that I secretly always dream of, we searched out a clearing from the trees where we then laid on our backs to watch over the clearest starry sky. Again I was reminded of how thankful I am to just breathe, even though it some days almost breaks me in to pieces that your not here yet..I started thinking of where you are.. I am thankful for the time that I have to get back in touch wi...

I walked down the street today, not feeling my exactly prettiest.. my make-up was put on in a hurry and my hair had tangled up once again (it tends to do that a lot). As I thought about my messy appearance I remembered one of the best things my dad has ever taught me;  -The most beautiful make-up you could have is your smile. I count to that a sense of inner happiness. To appreciate who you are, inside and out. My parents have taught me a lot. My teenage self might not have understood or paid attention to the little things, but the years have opened up my eyes to the things that matter.  My parents have taught me that friends matter, as I was younger we had all kinds of parties and get-together with our family friends.The parents and all their kids.We even traveled up north during the winter to ski, daytime hike, ride reindeers (we even got our drivers license) and play board-games like Pictionary and make pancakes in the evening.  You can maybe imagine what a bi...

There are so many beautiful, funny and smart girls out there, why would he choose me ? We all ladies know that feeling, when we are at a party, a workout class at the gym or just walk down the street. We always see that prettier, more fit girl who seems to have it all under control or that smarter girl who has a presence that you feel that you could only dream of having. You should read my thoughts sometimes when I am sitting at that yoga class, clumsy and inflexible as something out of a bad cartoon, looking at those perfect girls with there perfect tanned skin and long blond hair.. And another example,  a while back, I saw that guys profile picture and there was this girl who had posted like a gazillion hearts (okey fine maybe not a gazillion.. ) and other comments there.. Well she was pretty.. and seemed perfect, and in that moment I thought, well no matter what he said about me, about him liking me.. I do not think I stand a chance.. During the past year I have had this ...

I felt like I had lost everything I was, and every good part that I once had in my life. If I still had some of them, I had lost touch to them. I was lost. How should I start to find my way again ? Who was I ? What did I want in my life ? I did something.. I wrote a list, a list of big and smaller things, the tiniest things to remember, I guess we could call them "feel-good and finding your way to your own life things ".  I wrote it at my parents summer place, just a week after I left him. The list included everything from examples of new hobbies, friends to reconnect and get in touch with, new methods to positive thinking  and those small moments that you need to remember to take for yourself. Here is an example of what it looked like: - Become a member of your Student Nation/ Organisation - Redecorate your apartment (get rid of old bed, refurnish, make it yours) - Ask how N is doing, visit her back home ? - Remember to be your own best friend - Catch up with J,...

  So why do we stay with a partner like this? I asked myself that question several times. Here you have some answers:  In the beginning of the relationship, or even before you started dating there were good things, things you had been waiting for for so long, things you felt that you needed. Also, in my case I really did not know him at all before we started dating. I remember when we met, we worked at the same grocery market for the summer, we were out on an Island, and he was far from his normal surroundings. We rode of with our bikes together and ones we stopped near a mountain and climbed up to see the view, we sat down on an old tree and he told me that I had ants in my shoe and that he should try to get them of, which I found to be the cutest any guy had ever said to me. For years I tried to make him remember that moment, but according to him that never happened, which was sad, its moments like these that I value the most, the small things. That summer we...