Roar in the Afterglow

I wanted to write something about holding on to if, maybe, someday and the idea of whether their grandma would like to knit herself and you matching socks. And about that road trip through breathtaking land and cabins with fireplaces (based of what they did with their friends). Social media plays a big role in the way we perceive people we think we know. We have an attachment to half of their family before we even met them- and picture ourselves in their lifestyle and adventures before they even taken the time (or energy) to invite us for a walk to the local park..or pub. Fantasies are taking the upper hand- pure gasoline and fogg for a romantic soul (hopeful..or even addict). We keep on looking after what we want to see, what our heart wants to believe in. Building an attachment with their childhood neighbourhood and family vacations before they´ve (the person we´re dating) even gone out of their way to show us that they truly want us in their lives. Social media can be a good inf

You know the uncomfortable feeling you get each time you hear the soundtrack (or That beat) from the cult classic Jaws ? What would it be like if that feeling effected your sensors physically (and you felt the tunes and beat like a deep drum) and then that heavines got stuck on repeat for a while.. a few hours ? or maybe went away only to return as soon as the bus drove a bit to close to the curve and heavily hit it's backside against the concreate with barely no sound ? And as the heavines hit you and all your sensors where overloading (lump in your throath, rope around your heart- pulling and releasing, heatwaves) you would have needed a quiet space- a neutral blank page to calm the engines down- gather yourself, but instead you are faced with crowds, the bus, grocery shop, the world does not stop turning.  There are many different things that a Highly Sensitive Person (about 15 % of the population) can find as their cryptonite..or in less Marvel words- stressors. There are noi

I wanted to write about why I "even waste one thought one these complicated human relations", why do I put so much energy into it, why do I care ? I have several friends who do not waste a second thought on complications, confusion or resolvement. They simply walk away and save their energy. But I have never been capable of doing that, although do not get me wrong- I can walk away without a second thought from bad first and second dates or those Russian Rulett App- conversations. But as soon as we share about are past, fears, hopes and talk with open hearts (and I will ask for deeper, otherwise there is no going forward in the relationship, date or friend) I start to connect.  Anyone who has ever heard of the term Empath or HSP can understand or relate. I believe, after much self search and understanding that I belong in that category. Although I have to say I do not like that word- Empath, it just sounds very "perfect and higher ground" to me. Empaths can m

You need yourself, it is a crisis- you told that to me. That one of the biggest reasons to your misery and even anger is that everything and everyone is pulling you in different directions. You filled your life with things to do- people to see,(feel preassured) but lately you haven´t had time for a connection to that inner "Me".  You find yourself lost in who you want to be.  If you are not sure on what you want- and not dating is where you feel like you need to be. Then it would probably be smartest not to try again with an ex as she approached you while she was going through a hard time. If you feel responsible for her in some way- do not misslead her in any way.  Tell her what you need, that there are simply not enough hours in the week. That you need to focus on you before you go numb (or loose it) maybe she will understand and let go of the frustration she is feeling towards you for not spending enough time with her. This will also show you if her feelings for you ar

I wanted to write about disputes, arguments, exchange of thoughts over text. How it takes so much energy and only afterwards you start to put together what the other person meant. It is easy to flip over and make a huge mess out of nearly nothing when we read and write simultaniously. Sections of that to which we already angrily replied- land on the thread after and behind. It is a mess. No that I´ve taken time to breathe I can see both of our thoughts clearer. I deleted the texts- all we wrote infact, just to keep myself from going back. There were so much that I think we understood, yet with the over hanging intensity and bad upset mood, some pieces got no answer (or yelled at) so I will write that down here for you. - I never knew you wanted me to wait for you - I would have if you had showed me something to hold on too (like a grounded carrying friendship- it is not only about how often you meet). I know it´s not fair on you to say- as you are still batteling with life and you

Do not say you didn´t think you could cause a heartbreak anymore-  since we just became friends from what we were before.  Don't you know that you are beautiful * ? It is not "just like that easy" to let go. You made an impact on me. With causion- ask yourself- can we really just continue from where we left ? Take care and concideration, the memory of your touch still lies within me, and when you smile- do not flirt - the way you did when it was you and me. Do not show more then you intend to keep. We are all beautiful human beings, and need to take our responsiblity.  To someone who did it unintentionally.  *beautiful= that you are longed for, someone who stayes in ones memory. 

Ever been in a confusing situation where all you wished for was some answers- no more mess, just clarity. and still afterwards you walk around wishing that you hadn´t pushed it, caused stress, a dispute- a wall ? That you could turn back time. Still knowing what you needed to know, but without this post-argument hollow feeling. Could you have done it in any other way ? - maybe you could have, but most likely not- you see tension builders are seldom a relaxed spot. Words will fly no matter what. This "Cat on the table guilt" is carving me today, Even though the words that were said came from good intentions & understading, it got intens. I do not want to cause you more tension (as you have enough with dealing with your mess.) Yet it is so stupid- if honesty had gaps- it had to be discussed, You can not build anything healthy on grounds you do not trust. I wanted it all out in the open, my mistakes/caused confusions included. We need to listen both ways. Sometime