How I fall back in, get back up and where the first roots for the self-caused hurt, fear and strength come from
I want to get time to get to know you, and I want to give you time to get to know me. Trust comes with kindness, respect, vulnerability and emotional responsibility But if we break that barrier too fast, ( even though I often stand at guard), I open a gate where I re-visit my past. It is not your fault, I am a physical being. But sometimes my temptation runs past my well-being . I have fun but feel emotional pain, it is somehow familiar to get treated this way. There is a comfort in running towards expected pain, instead of sitting still, waiting to become your prey. - Somehow I convince myself to be in control this way. I am the one who directs the pain. I put myself in shackles that you can not see. I tell you hurtful words at times in order to feel free. With this self-forced arrangement I am slowly loosing me I'm afraid I disappear Listen and see me- it helps my wounds to heal. Give me time to trust you, to learn that your intentions towards me are sincere. From the pattern