Roar in the Afterglow

Last time I took you so deep inside my head, my over analyzing and fears, that I wanted to slow it down, show you another direction that from time to time can give your exhausted mind some hope, To sometimes let yourself look at your surrounding with a playful mind can be just what you soul needs to keep on going. I written about signs, sometimes true and sometimes lovely and  ridiculously crazy. I told you about how I sometimes ask for something that would guide me in the right direction .. so that you would know what to do. Do you sometimes believe in Magic ? That last summer when I, for what would be the last time, was heading back from the island to that life I never seemed to be able to truly call my home, something happened.We had to get a ride from strangers to get to the last bus. There was an old couple, coming from another island, that were headed the same way. They where delighted to help and as we continued with the journey we got to hear about their life. He was a

I told you earlier, that I`m Wide Awake, and aware of my surroundings, but I wanted to take you one step deeper, tell about the thing that makes it even more of a battle, trusting that inner voice. To try to trust your emotions, when you have a past of been spinned, isn't easy. When being scared and unpleasantly surprised, has become something so ordinary, when emotions of low, hurt and worry are so familiar, that you fear that you might not notice when their there to take you down. Are they just echoes from the past or are they caused by something or someone thats right in front of you ? Are you capable of seeing true danger ? Is your feeling of love safe, or is it playing a trick, does it try to cover something that this exhausted heart is tired of facing. or is it real and healed enough to be trusted ? Is it sane to feel love for this, or should I turn away ? Is my fear ones again a sign of warning that could help me see what could break me before it takes me for yet anot

The last days I`ve been feeling a bit down, restless, but without energy to apparently do much about it, and somehow stuck, I´ve tried to convince myself that its probably that dear PMS (yes guys I said it...)  thats rocking my world again, but I don`t know, I think its something else too. Maybe Im feeling home sick ? I though about that too, all those people, and all that what Im used to, our little cultural things, the humor, the duck-pond thats like nowhere else.. .... And yes, I miss that, but that has been my life for so long, and for many parts, at least when it comes to the study life I`ve got older, old.. and so many of my fellow graduate friends back there are spread out, physically and calendar wise, and in a lot of ways I knew that for a long time I had needed something new in my life, and I still do, so Im happy to be here, lucky, which I remind myself of even during days like these. So homesick, yes, but theres another, bigger, yet smaller element to it, something I