Roar in the Afterglow

"Wonder what hes doing? Should I text him.... ? No,  not now, I should let him be, give him space, he will just find it annoying...but maybe... agghh, if I still think in a few hours that I should, then I can, Yeah Thats right..... What would N or A do ? Gaaad why am I so weird about these things... Okey If I just... Oh god, No I said something Stupid right ?.. great...and no reply... thats it then. wonder what he will think of me now.. Oh dear.." Yeah, the obsessive circle, we think about them, we worry that were forgettable (well I used to), that if we somehow dont keep in touch we get forgotten, and the worst; our obsession thinking about what we said, what he said, what we said and might have been understood the wrong way, scared that we scare them away be writing one too many, wanting to "Fix Things" by explaining them and then worry about the fact that we were over-explaining. Oh.. and dont forget about that blue mark on your Whatsapp conversation..saying

Hello again, it's been a while. The reason I haven't been writing for so long is that I've been writing work applications about 100. I've also been back home, felt happy and then again quite hopeless, not sure on where I wanted to be, but I knew it wasn't staying in that spot again. I needed a move on of some kind a fresh chapter. I hoped to find work within my own field, within something that would get me one step closer but turns out it was even harder then I thought. I asked that question "please just let something happen"... and sure enough the next day I'm booking flight tickets, and now I'm in London. Oh what an week it's been.. Sometimes the things you seek out for turn out to be something that just doesn't feel right, you have to listen to that voice, work hard and try all you can to reach your goals, but accept that sometimes things can't roll in the speed you want them too. A different turn for a while might be just what y