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To declare freedom from an obsessive circle


"Wonder what he is doing? Should I text him.... ? No,  not now, I should let him be, give him space, he will just find it annoying...but maybe... agghh, if I still think in a few hours that I should, then I can, .. What would N or A do ? Dear mighty why am I so weird about these things... Okey If I just... Oh god, No I said something Stupid right ?.. great...and no reply... that is it then. wonder what he will think of me now.. Oh dear.."

Yeah, the obsessive circle, we think about them, we worry that we are forgettable (well I used to), that if we somehow do not keep in touch we get forgotten, and the worst; our obsession thinking about what we said, what he said, what we said and might have been understood the wrong way, scared that we scare them away be writing one too many, wanting to "Fix Things" by explaining them and then worry about the fact that we were over-explaining.

Oh.. and  not forget about that blue mark on your Whatsapp conversation..saying that they did read it.. Why didn't they say anything ? What might they be up too... (anxiety)... what have I just done.. (Anxiety)... I`m sure their out with someone...(anxiety)..no wonder their seeing other people.. (Anxiety)... Why Do I Always Do This ?

I used to be like this, All the time, Again and Again... Never thought I would learn to just be Cool, because that is of course how other people are ... All the time. They do not act this way, their head does not trow cartwheels.

And now.. well sometimes I still have to have an all Rambo fight against all the worry that builds up inside, but much more then before, I can let go.

I declared freedom from an obsessive circle.

You might have to say STOP to yourself a couple of times;... And I do not mean STOP for doing something ones in the first place, trust me, will not work, because eventually, you will slip.. But STOP to the embarrassment, STOP to the worry (that this stupid insecure action as you might tell yourself it is, has made a mess with no return).

By accepting yourself and not worrying about what they think,  you can break it. Accept your ways in order to let go of the anxiety.

When you let go of the Anxiety of "What did I do and should I do something now", you slowly stop falling into the loop hole of obsession. 
There is nothing you need to Fix, because there is nothing that needs fixing. 

You break the cycle.

If they do not remember you, do not miss your smile or end up getting scared of your few (Wonderfully weird) messy ways, they are not the one for you. (And do you really want someone who does not like you for exactly who you are ?) So do not worry, just continue being you. One day the right person will stick around, or turn around and run back, realizing what a treasure they had.

And also, if all still is really early on you might be wondering and thinking of if their right now meeting someone else, and yes, if you are not exclusive, they probably are, but guess what So can you. And if the thought of it seems to harsh to carry, think it like this (it helps me at least);
- By holding them tights they will want to run further, Think about it- if you wouldn't  be ready for something so fast, wouldn't you ?
-Also (and yeah I know how weird this sounds) Its better to let them get it out of their system (yeah.. men.. well to be fair this is just us much women too) that way, if it ever got to that point that you two got serious, they wouldn't long for anymore of the adventures dating scene, And trust me you do not want to waist your heart on someone who does not want to be there..

And if you feel that the two of you were more...and they still go around, well then who needs a player.. ? Not you. So, with a relief for saving your sanity and remembering your own worth, you can let go.

And also, trust faith, what is meant to happen, will happen, there is no need to push it.

Breaking the cycle is never easy, and at times you will always fall back, but realizing your potential to break free is something that will carry you far, no matter how much of a pickle or forgotten you now might think you find yourself to be.

There is always a new day and chapter,
Signing off, A calm and confident Queen (in my dreams) Bee
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