Roar in the Afterglow

I would run cartwheels right where I stood if you showed up at my doorstep, if you suddenly sat in the audience during my Indian dance or Improv theater performance.  I would remember it forever if you showed up at the airport to say goodbye for now or welcome back,  I would love for you to ask me where in the world I am at.  I would love for you to reach out to me and ask us to read the same book simultaneously and then meet over coffee to share our thoughts, It does not take much time out of your schedule or much effort of sorts, just a suggestion, a thought.  I would love to go out for a joint run or jog, maybe for once right here in my hood- you could use my studio apartments little one person shower,  My home, my little wonderful life- You know you are welcome here too.  Meet me in my life, see where I live and what I do, it might not be marriage and children, or a big suburban house with a yard, but it is me, your friend- still hanging on at the other...

In the world of dating are you also one who "tries too hard" give's a 110% and is always understanding ? Even to the point that the offers you make of "staying around" or adapting to their busy lifestyle and priorities, as well as your mental " If I just"- and "As long as I do not"-battle, are taking over all the good sides of you, your sanity, well-being, life.. The sparkly, freely-breathing and life-exploring human-being that you are ? Do you get sucked in and stuck by your own will-power and hope for them to change ? It is okey to give it your all, do not ever feel bad for that. .... but when you start to feel yourself hitting the walls of the box of a person who has clearly barricaded themselves in (and you are stuck in the thought of helping them find their way out, desperately trying to let some sunlight in..) Know when to leave- it is not your box to crack open, you have the whole world to enjoy and one life to enjoy it in. Do ...

One of the most valuable lessons in life is that no one else will be your knight in shining armor (or Wonder Woman or Xena). In life, you ride your own white horse. And that said; you are the key to your own happiness. So don`t wait. And do not lay the expectation on someone else. You can take your own adventures, today (okey maybe not today but like when you get annual leave). An you can buy your own flowers. You can comfort And I am not denying the fact that it would be nice to one day have someone to do some of that for you. But until then. Don't wait, and even then. You are, and will always be, your own knight Here are my weekly £2.00 flowers, celebrate your life

Be careful, because unfortunately there are stupid people out there, unfortunately there are just some who do not know better, sometimes boys do stupid things.... I have been given a rape alarm for my own protection, I have been asked if I should carry a maze. I have looked into classes, gathered my strength, thought twice about how I should cover myself, I have planned a safe route as I walked. I have talked with a girlfriend on the phone as I made my way home from the bus, just in case- and maybe, that second witness would scare possible prosecutors away. We take this "everyday behavior" of some of the men out there, we walk through it, live it and adapt, it is painful in every way. The word Pussy and Girl shake that Ass for me (singed and rapped by men) are mentioned in so many songs and movies, in the language that is spoken and images that are shared. But the word dick does not seem to appear half as much anywhere. I have been yelled at, called at and grabbed, ...

I traveled back to the countryside and coastline to get some fresh air, to this village like city that I lived in before I lived here. I walked along the city walls, felt the warmth from the Cathedral chimney. I for-filled my own wish to get a mystery book covered in wrapping paper, with a message stating what I am searching, now and maybe still later. I had some cream tea by the window towards the tower and then ended up in the pub where and old man sat next to the open fire. After some much needed steak ale pie, I moved the flowers on the table a bit to the side, I opened the wrapping and found the title inside, Time for a Change, and ones again it came right on time. So I sat there with the book in my hand, sometimes people watching, there were locals coming in, a dog jumping towards me, jokes at the bar and a two men, one old and one young, trying to get the jukebox to play something. The young mans eyes met mine, I looked at him, we both smiled, then he met a girl, so I though n...

I had the most wonderful thing happen to me, it was love, just like out of a film.. actually, it Was in a film. And I was sitting on the couch, by myself, just me, eating left over chocolates from Christmas ... And it was so romantic that I even clipped my toenails on the same table.. okey that is not romantic at all... but I am by myself, so I can do whatever I want and soon I am going to be living in and sharing a house with 4 other people for the next 6 months and maybe longer after that, so I am taking everything out from these last few days as a lonesome.  Anyway, the point was to write about the feeling you get when you watch a film like that- with no one who holds you, smiles back at you or massages your shoulders while you clip your toenails. Sometimes it might feel like a bit of self torture, am I right ? I mean I know times when I just do not let myself watch anything like that, just to avoid the feeling. But why? I mean, I like it, not the self torture, but the other ...

Sometimes I feel old, old like 40 at 24. I guess it is all that energy I gave away, I am tired, but want more then anything to live again, not necessarily smart (seriously sometimes I doubt my IQ when I can not seem to open a door) but maybe somewhat wise, or wiser than before. I do not do (as many) stupid things, I listen to my gut when I feel that something is or might go wrong, I can leave a party early or drink less without feeling bad about being the "boring one ". I like to go on long walks with a friend, drink tea while sitting by the window, and I save money for travelling to new places, the rest gets saved for the future. I guess I have grown up. At the same time I sometimes miss the feeling that I have never had, of being more care free,  I also sometimes wish that I would be able to let go and live life like it never happened. But you live, and I choose to continuously try to learn from it. Trying to meet men when feeling like an old soul, is not easy. Eve...

There are so many beautiful, funny and smart girls out there, why would he choose me ? We all ladies know that feeling, when we are at a party, a workout class at the gym or just walk down the street. We always see that prettier, more fit girl who seems to have it all under control or that smarter girl who has a presence that you feel that you could only dream of having. You should read my thoughts sometimes when I am sitting at that yoga class, clumsy and inflexible as something out of a bad cartoon, looking at those perfect girls with there perfect tanned skin and long blond hair.. And another example,  a while back, I saw that guys profile picture and there was this girl who had posted like a gazillion hearts (okey fine maybe not a gazillion.. ) and other comments there.. Well she was pretty.. and seemed perfect, and in that moment I thought, well no matter what he said about me, about him liking me.. I do not think I stand a chance.. During the past year I have had this ...

We have all heard the expression To Find Your Other Half, the person who will complete you. That You will fall in love and become as One... But where the heck does this idea of being each other halves come from ? Should we not focus on becoming complete, and as strong individuals as we can be, before we decide to share ourselves with someone else ?  Do we need someone else to be our other half ? Our Better half ? Can I not be my best whole and then find another whole to share my best whole with ? I used to think that way, that I need someone else to complete me, to make me whole, but what I have learned over the past few years is that you should focus on completing yourself as one whole, and as you own up to this way of thinking, someday, people who are good for you (and perhaps that special someone) will find you. You should always remember to focus on someone who wants you whole. And the same goes for that someone, you should focus on finding someone who is whole, ab...