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Old soul in the dating pool (when you grew up fast but feel like you need a few slow chapters)


Sometimes I feel old, old like 40 at 24. I guess it is all that energy I gave away, I am tired, but want more then anything to live again, not necessarily smart (seriously sometimes I doubt my IQ when I can not seem to open a door) but maybe somewhat wise, or wiser than before.

I do not do (as many) stupid things, I listen to my gut when I feel that something is or might go wrong, I can leave a party early or drink less without feeling bad about being the "boring one ". I like to go on long walks with a friend, drink tea while sitting by the window, and I save money for travelling to new places, the rest gets saved for the future. I guess I have grown up.

At the same time I sometimes miss the feeling that I have never had, of being more care free,  I also sometimes wish that I would be able to let go and live life like it never happened. But you live, and I choose to continuously try to learn from it.

Trying to meet men when feeling like an old soul, is not easy.

Even though I am not looking for a relationship for a long time it is still nice to get to know new guys, it is more about trying to get my trust back in them, and you never know if that right person is the next person you meet.

But I am tired of looking at men who never seem to grow up. And yes I do understand the expression " Boys will be Boys" , believe me I have seen my dad with his friends... and heard of the robbers roast they prepare while pretending to be vikings over a boys weekend... which I find kind of funny.. but that is not what I mean, you should always hold on to your silly side and never let it go no matter how old you get. What I mean is men who never seem to find their mature side, a lot of guys my age seem to be afraid to talk, and I mean really talk.

One of my biggest worries is that they would not understand, that if I at some point had to tell them about my past they would get scared. I do not want to scare them but at the same time I do not want to have them in my life and then have them run away. Once I am ready for a relationship again I need a person who understands that things happen in life, someone who is not afraid to be there and who is able to face their own.

But how about dating older guys, like in their 30 `s ? Nope, at least not for me. And besides there is another wall coming at you, the middle aged milestones; Engagement, Marriage, Kids, Family, House.. and yes I guess we could throw in a Volvo and a Dog in there too. And yes I (as probably many others) want that someday, at least some of it,  but not now, and not for another 5 years.

 It is not easy finding someone who is mature enough to talk, but young enough to wait.

So what to do ? Honestly I really wished I had an well thought suggestion of some kind, but I guess time and patience and a reminder of focusing on yourself while you wait for the right person is the best one I can come up with for now. 


Stay Strong and Always be truthful to yourself
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