Roar in the Afterglow

Live with all your heart,  and never feel ashamed for trying every mistake, has a silver lining be grateful for all that you may learn Life is too short to doubt every move, every turn Listen, and never be ashamed of being true Stay curious, humble, and always be you respect yourself and those around you,  - thank them for their honesty too Life is meant for living, so never dim your light Pause in your steps,  breathe and shine on bright. 

Anxiety, as you well may or may not know is a crippling feeling. It affects your heartbeat, brainwaves, thoughts, assumptions and actions there after.  The good thing however is that the horse can be tamed;  - breaks to your ever spinning wheel (like medicine; serotonin I bow to you, self-discovery, honesty and a little bit of love and laughter at the solutions your mind would like to rush you in to) can be put in place and, for the most part, maintained.  Plus, be kind to yourself when you hit a set-back, these things are bound to happen. You are after all only human. not one of those floating zen creatures with a crystal on you forehead able to have insight and clarity to peoples intentions through the power of mind reading (damn.)- but hey neither are you the Hulk. Phew.   Sometimes it is social anxiety- to me this tends to happen when I walk into an acquaintance, note that I do not have the same problem with close friends or strangers. But there is something...

Are you also struggling in social situations when small talk is exchanged ? Do you, like me, feel like a awkwardly jolly firecracker or a burst of rainbows trying to fit in with the beige that the situation seems to require and everyone else seems content with and managing ? I often wonder how it seems to come so easy to others.. -Side note;  I am lucky to say that through finding myself later in adult life I have found hobbies that fit my personality- and friends who do not look or walk away, but join me in my charades or big deep and sudden topics(and who's brain seems to vividly and unapologetically work the same way). Also, similar to you or not- true friends will adore (and sometimes tolerate) your silly ways.  Its not to say that I can't act plain, I can play the beige card- laugh subtly, not make too much noise, stay calm and only stick to beige topics, like; hows school, hows work, hows the food, was it a long drive.. ? And I can even stay quiet, shove myself aside. No...

I do not know if the people around me through these past 10 years understand how much they mean to me- how they shaped so many "firsts" for me. Firsts after I freed myself in order to live and breathe freely (despite the fear/distrust I had for what I would end up drawing to myself in this world, and my place in it), firsts after I broke my mental shackles and left him behind.  Most moments- happy and sad, and teaching- I embrace (or at least later reminisce) with gratitude. I live each day (from the inside out and by taking the outside in) and grow. We are never fully healed (and our traumatic pattern among else puts bumps to the road) but to still be walking ahead is a gift. I am thankful.  Just to Be Here. Growing.  I haven't always been easy to be around (anxiety, panic and a rambling mind/mouth) and I want to apologize for anyone I have "run over" and not heard. But I want you to know that I am aware, and thank you for being there. There are several moments...

To become our own best friend, I've found, is one of the most healing and strengthening skills we can teach ourselves as we walk through our life in this messy world filled with love, pressure, expectations, trauma, learning to put up boundaries, growth, crippling loneliness, chosen solitude, joy for the little things and building new/starting over.  To listen to our own needs (and as we do- listen to and put up our boundaries and how we need them to be for the time being) is what we have to do in order to reach inner happiness and peace. What we need, and what we want and choose to keep out for our own well-being goes hand in hand.  Sometimes we might have to take a break from certain company, from certain activities, maybe change our job or job-pattern, maybe step away from friends who distract our process or demand to much in comparison to what we actually can give. Maybe we need to leave behind those who never valued us at all. Follow your heart, and path to self-respect. ...

As we celebrate this merry Christmas, try to remember that it is different for all. Not everyone has the grocery store commercial family and close knit jolly relatives. Not everyone looks forward to Christmas the same.  There are those with the inappropriately handsy uncle or cousin, there are eyes that look away and truths that are not allowed to be said; self-protection that is not appreciated to be expressed. There are those with racist or homophobic parents, a yelling father with too much to drink, an angry stressful mother, there are those who always experienced Christmas as a showcase of silverware and anxious hold of breath, there are homes where the children's voices and emotions were never met- as long as the tree is symmetric and perfect on all sides, they do not notice when you sit in the bathroom every year and hide.  There are those who left gladly, and only come for a quick visit when they feel comfortable and emotionally safe, there are those who now post-childh...

This will be a short one, You can find more (and on having anxiety and being hsp) under  why I don´t slam doors and my own wellbeing I try to understand you and my own effect on you so that I can support you as a friend, forgive you as a partner, and paint a truthful picture in my heart and head. That leads me to the part where I do it for me, my well-being, my view on us and outlook towards the future people I may meet- I try to understand you (and me) so that I can see you and us as we were and are, but erase the possible monster that I see when things get dark, I try to shine in the light that is all. I can heal the fearful doubt for others that arises in me, to not paint them over so relentlessly. They deserve that just as much as you and me. 

I decided to try and clear my thoughts on the reason why I at times can not seem to give an answer to a question handed to a group I am part of (think planning a school presentation in the past, practical tasks, quiz-night) This probably has something to do with me becoming overwhelmed (inside my head mostly) by noises and chaos. Or the obstacle when trying to converse in a foreign yet fluent language. But it is more than that- you see I sometimes struggle to understand. I can not put the sentences together, they are coming out of all directions around me, and by the time the question has been read out once- I have already forgotten it- Or, struggled to understand it all together. I need time to think. Paint a picture in my head. This does not take many seconds..well depending on the length of it all.. but those second, or minutes always need to be re-kindled (re-started) if something (noise, chaos and general hurry) comes and blocs the way. I am however (somewhat) good at doing my p...

If a product could talk, told you where it came from and how it was made, how its creators were feeling and how long of a journey it had to take, - would you still want to buy it, put a chip into this game ? How much did its bargain price and mass produced parts take away from the birds, monkeys and trees ? How much is our air polluted for our (pointless) wants and needs ? And once it was sold, who got the profit ? The stockmarket, a mansion or someones needing pocket ? So in 2019, support Fair-trade, sustainable, local or independently made, or buy the already produced ones -no double footprint, re-use the same. Give back to the planet what you take, a charity or a hard working maker this way. 

Follow kindness,  it really is that simple.  sometimes when you're captured by the mess of usual choices they are standing right there, you only start to notice them when you step out and see it clear.  a space to breathe was the first, joy was the second, now I'm gratefully dancing and tapping my feet, you ask me if I'm cold and how many movements I can do to this beat.  Endless I tell you, you see kindness was the key, It lifted me up to where I deserve to be.  - to my dads golden advice- 

You know the uncomfortable feeling you get each time you hear the soundtrack (or That beat) from the cult classic Jaws ? What would it be like if that feeling effected your sensors physically (and you felt the tunes and beat like a deep drum) and then that heaviness got stuck on repeat for a while.. a few hours ? Or maybe went away only to return as soon as the bus drove a bit to close to the curve and heavily hit its backside against the concrete with barely no sound ?  And as the heaviness hit you and all your sensors where overloading (lump in your throat, rope around your heart- pulling and releasing, heatwaves) you would have needed a quiet space- a neutral blank page to calm the engines down- gather yourself, but instead you are faced with crowds, the bus, grocery shop, the world does not stop turning.  There are many different things that a Highly Sensitive Person (about 15 % of the population) can find as their cryptonite..or in less Marvel words- stressors. There ar...

Today I wanted to explore therapy (or more so, how we all are already doing it every day- if we look closely,  Ever thought about getting therapy- or heard someone say that they where receiving it or trying to get a referral, and you thought "Yikes", maybe even got slightly uncomfortable. Everything is therapy, so let us break the Taboo. From Psychoanalysis and CBT, to drawing class, watching the ocean or eating a sandwich on the underground. At different times we need different kinds, but we all do undergo them, and we all need them. From personal growth to taking space for ourselves, a deep breath, finding calm from the sound of waves, or spending memorable time with friends.  Calming down in a busy world can be challenging, maybe you are one of those who have tried and simply can not find the focus, too many gremlins and cymbal playing monkeys in your head, don't worry- they are often taking over most of my inner peace too. But that my friend- acceptance, being ther...

If you wait long enough a new morning reveals. There are no failures You're a fighter She wakes up, he breathes. I don't care how long you stayed in bed, it is not a competition, Wiggle you're toes for a while instead. You are still here- despite the hell you've been through It doesn't matter what they think, What matters is you. There are many reasons to shut down the lights, but the one that keeps on burning is the fact that you're still alive. I hope somewhere you're smiling, not for the world to see, but within yourself- for whatever reason it may be. I hope you find a reason to see the day until its end. And then.. A new morning reveals. You're a hero dear friend. .

We all want to love the person we fall in love with (who they are now), we all want to tell them how much we cherish their strength, their capability of standing up, and staying that way. We all want to love someone for the smile they bring with them, for the laughter that now brightens up our face. But I want you to love her too. I am not my past, I left that behind. But I still hold her hand, till this day, always, and each and every night. I don't need you to love me that much, I know you already do. But she needs reassurance; that you would have loved her too. It wasn't pretty, I was a mess. But each night I tell her, I do not love her any less. Once someone I loved, used the word %#!?¤ when describing girls who...well lets say look for attention in obvious ways. I was her, she was me- only my hope for love (how twisted it may have seemed) was within those walls and the paradigm of something that would never be received.  I don't even call money makin...

Why are subjects like mental health and therapy such a big Taboo ? I read an article in the University Paper about struggling with mental health and being afraid to talk about it to your friends, what if someone found out, how would they look at me then ? I believe that many of us struggle with something mental, or have or will at some point in our life. We all go through things in  life and we all have a mentality, we are all human and humans are fragile. And what about the modern society, what its doing to us; daily pressure to give out a certain look of a happy perfect life and yet when we have that moment we want to share, we forget to live in it, to actually be with them. And what about the stress ? I think we can all agree that every single one of us can easily fall apart. So why could not we just talk about it more openly ? Think about it, we say that true beauty comes from the inside, we all (well almost all of us) work on the outside to look good and sometimes some o...

I felt like I had lost everything I was, and every good part that I once had in my life. If I still had some of them, I had lost touch to them. I was lost. How should I start to find my way again ? Who was I ? What did I want in my life ? I did something.. I wrote a list, a list of big and smaller things, the tiniest things to remember, I guess we could call them "feel-good and finding your way to your own life things ".  I wrote it at my parents summer place, just a week after I left him. The list included everything from examples of new hobbies, friends to reconnect and get in touch with, new methods to positive thinking  and those small moments that you need to remember to take for yourself. Here is an example of what it looked like: - Become a member of your Student Nation/ Organisation - Redecorate your apartment (get rid of old bed, refurnish, make it yours) - Ask how N is doing, visit her back home ? - Remember to be your own best friend - Catch up with J,...

The Autumn is soon here, and so are all the party's. I can not wait to see everyone again! The parties involve a lot of fun, games and drinking. But before we start the fun again, I want to write down something about drinking problems and how they affect the ones closest to us. And No  I do not mean to be a party pooper .. Can not say that I have not been dancing on the table a time or two.. But think before you drink, think about how it makes you behave and how that behavior makes the people around you feel. And If you have a problem, Do you listen to what they have to say ? Do you listen to their worries ? Please Do. He kicked the walls and screamed that day when I had asked him to be there for me, He came home drunk. He ran after other girls in front of me and told me to be understanding. I spent my 18th birthday carrying him to his and his mothers apartment and then getting locked out in the stairwell for hours and almost ended up spending the night next door on their alcoho...