Roar in the Afterglow

  We all struggle to see the flaws in in our ways and actions, as that requires us to reach down and pick at the pieces of our fragile tower, our home, ourselves.  But in order to grow in our relationship with others we need to listen to those around us (let them tell us what they need, how we sometimes hurt them, and how they feel). It is not an easy task- but truly listening (with an open heart) brings us closer to understanding one another and it helps wounds and towers broken bricks to heal. It is stronger and more lasting when it knows that it can (and will) face what is real.  Honesty.. and parts of that fragility disappear. Honesty.. we live our lives to the fullest, good, flawed and sincere. In life there are many times we need to face ourselves, and this is not the only, growth comes from facing our flaws and then tangling them, slowly;  Perhaps we left our own voices aside, then felt hurt and tired as we had to explain what our boundaries where like, we nev...

Follow kindness,  it really is that simple.  sometimes when you're captured by the mess of usual choices they are standing right there, you only start to notice them when you step out and see it clear.  a space to breathe was the first, joy was the second, now I'm gratefully dancing and tapping my feet, you ask me if I'm cold and how many movements I can do to this beat.  Endless I tell you, you see kindness was the key, It lifted me up to where I deserve to be.  - to my dads golden advice- 

I deserve to pack my bags of worry and leave it in safe hands, I deserve to get back to my life, and the love for it that was always there, I deserve to breathe, adventure, run ..be free I deserve to absorb the sunshine, I deserve to get back to me, Thank you life for reminding me. 

If you wait long enough a new morning reveals. There are no failures You're a fighter She wakes up, he breathes. I don't care how long you stayed in bed, it is not a competition, Wiggle you're toes for a while instead. You are still here- despite the hell you've been through It doesn't matter what they think, What matters is you. There are many reasons to shut down the lights, but the one that keeps on burning is the fact that you're still alive. I hope somewhere you're smiling, not for the world to see, but within yourself- for whatever reason it may be. I hope you find a reason to see the day until its end. And then.. A new morning reveals. You're a hero dear friend. .

We all want to love the person we fall in love with (who they are now), we all want to tell them how much we cherish their strength, their capability of standing up, and staying that way. We all want to love someone for the smile they bring with them, for the laughter that now brightens up our face. But I want you to love her too. I am not my past, I left that behind. But I still hold her hand, till this day, always, and each and every night. I don't need you to love me that much, I know you already do. But she needs reassurance; that you would have loved her too. It wasn't pretty, I was a mess. But each night I tell her, I do not love her any less. Once someone I loved, used the word %#!?¤ when describing girls who...well lets say look for attention in obvious ways. I was her, she was me- only my hope for love (how twisted it may have seemed) was within those walls and the paradigm of something that would never be received.  I don't even call money makin...

I'm the girl who dreams of flowers, but hopes for a text back. I'm the girl who's face lights up when hearing "maybe", but wishes so dearly that you would run for her through the airport tracks. I'm the girl who leaves a message so you could hear my voice, but almost never dares to ask you for a call (no pushing), it should be a simple choice. And when you then later text me, something short, funny, well we are back on the same track. I'm the girl who would run a mile, just to see the smile on your face, I'm the girl who hopes that one day you would feel that way I'm the girl who is used to hear you thinking, "isn't it all one and the same ?" I'm the girl who's learnt the difference between daydreams and reality, but really- this cutting it short, it is a shame. ' I'm the girl who allows herself to hope that one day you'll suddenly cross the threshold to the bar, but I'm also the girl who knows- the...

As a child we could do unsuccessful cart wheels followed by a smiling grin,  we did not think much of what they thought, no worries rolling in. Until teenage life put on its spin. "You're great but.."over and over started following a few years later, No wonder we now set out to break our own heart, no wonder we diminish ourselves in advance. "I'm a bit crazy, and I'm not that smart, and clumsy.. yeah you saw that from far." Nervous laughter, and on the inside we are thinking.. we ruined this from the start. This is how we break our own heart. But what if we could sit in that swing again, smile with a grin all the way through and till the end. No worry or embarrassment of what we would have raised in their thoughts. just us, as ourselves, and the right people will never be lost. Unbreak your heart.

7 candles lit up, my face -like fire crackers. No wishes, they rarely last. I did like people normally do. it echos, my past. I look at you. I like your face, it reminds me of sunny days. freckles, beard, sleep, sweat, it echoes, I can`t feel my feet, I'm in a haze, I step outside to see the stars in their grace. I'm right here, and I will be okey. I go back inside, you're fast a sleep. but I got my air. I'm still me. I know this concept might be too big, too deep, too heavy, I'm scared but still I chose to speak. I wrote it down why the air, why do I cry and tell you that I fear that I'm not there. you deserve to know what you see, I owe it to the future me,  I opened up a wound,  the thing I'm carrying those times I get up, outside, and look at the stars and the moon. But like an empty note, I'm still waiting for the words; it's okey. Your past isn't appalling me from you in any way. Sorry, I fell asleep...

With you, next to you, you on mine and me on your shoulder, Together-  I want to grow, and grow older. Life is not a flawless picture. It is a perfectly imperfect un-photogenic mixture. It is hugs at 5 am, burnt toast, long haul flights and movie nights, it is a missed phone call, a car over-packed with toys, dreams come true and socks on the floor, it is stressful weeks- and love once more. It is together figuring out this thing called life, It is sudden laughter, It is your smile, The way you look at me; and I know we will be alright. It is every raindrop, every breakdown (car or human). It is every worry or past nightmare I promise not to hide, It is our balance, annoyment but love that never died. It is You & Me, messy. honest. real. I promised to love all of you so I wont just take a half, all of me- uncensored- and you still reach for my hand  .. and  so I know, We will last. With still butterflies in my stomach and spilt milk...

When you wrap your arms around me tonight, please do not hold on too tight, but please do not roll away from me either, that is not what I want, neither. And do not wonder if I suddenly press on the light.. I think you understand, I can still feel the echoes from my past But I wish you stayed right here with me, no force, no pressure, just two heart beats. This, safe and sound, is where I want to be. I would love to have you close to me.

You might be wondering why this dark topic is now in front of your eyes, well, first of all this is a part in my life that I no longer choose to hide. But I wrote about this before, thought about leaving it there, but it came back to my mind so now I have touched this part of my life once again. Last night I wrote a poem about those darkest days, there is no hopeful ending, because that darkness was my state. This poem is the battle for life you go through when stuck. Emotionally and fearfully to a situation you feel that you can not get away from. Self-harm is not a sign of weakness, of giving up on life.. it is the exact opposite, It is a sign of strength, this is not to glorify the terrifying act, but to open an understanding towards this battle for life, It was the only thing that still helped me feel that I was here, the pain ensured me that I would not disappear. Fire= Self-harm Smoke= Tears, sadness, dizziness, shaking, being distant I'm Still Breathing   ...

A Little poem I wrote;  in accordance with  Little Sparrow  and  To learn to see all of you with new eyes (self perception after leaving an abusive relationship) Awkward laugh, skinny arms or floppy belly. Every inch, every sound. - This story, I am telling It is a part of me. It is who I am. Through every hurdle they held my hand. So I will not hide, put walk forward with pride, To every single part, I will be kind. 

It is a new year, and I just heard seagulls outside my window, I always assumed that they were closer too the sea, but maybe it is a sign for where this year is taking me, bringing me back home and closer to whom I was always meant to be, the sounds I hear- masts in the harbor singing in the wind, the fresh air against rock and the ray of sun that spreads its wings. I might not be there, but I will listen to its call, this year I am breathing and in every moment find what I was searching for. home, peace and calm

This past late spring, summer and fall I have put a lot of energy into finding myself- into finding all those things that I previously just had been thinking of or for sometime forgot, in falling in love again with my own curiosity, making my footprints in my sand.  I found new hobbies, continued my adventures and made sure to approach my goals with an open-mind, widening my horizon towards all inspiring things I could find. There has even been a step by step change in career, with determination and sources of inspiration, I can really now see myself on a staircase leading there. I wanted to write down something about losing yourself in someone else. I tend to lose track easily, faster than I liked to admit, Anyone else out there who feels like this, who easily loses sight for all the things they (when thinking more clearly) would never want to miss ? I hope you understand that the situation this is based upon was all but bad, I was the one who lead myself off track -and t...

Check in that bird, she looks fine With a booty like that, what do you got to hide ? Long hair, long legs, the cleavage, she is just your type . So good that you noticed, she is gorgeous alright. But there is more to this girl than first meets your eye, the most beautiful parts she chooses to hide. See she knows that those things are not the things that catch your attention, so she covers, rinses, pulls, tucks away, all for that appreciative smile & affection. But underneath all of this, is a girl, a person, more beautiful and real, that anything could ever fix. It is the toes she hates, the cellulite on her ties, the wrinkles that gather up through all the years she smiled. It is her tired face after a long day of work, or her hormone jumbled days that she faces with life loving determination even if she is feeling at her worst. It is every inch and unwanted hair, all the spots, shapes and angles she right now wishes were not there. This is the beauty that we should s...

A poem about our dear family dog Ada who just past away. Written in my mother tongue Fenno-Swedish/ using our own important words.   Idag förlorade jag en trogen vänn, jag tänkte hur jag skulle fortsätta här, men då tårarna rinner är det ganska svårt att planera vart orden bär. Dethär kommer på känsla, allt du betyt för mig. Du var där när man slog upp dörren, man visste att någon väntar. Du ville säga Hej, Glada språng och skutt, att rulla runt av iver var för dig det sättet du talade till oss. Det var som om Kaikki on kotona kunde höras genom dina skutt. Ja tror att du har det bra där du är nu, ingen ska behöva lida och inte heller du.  Då man fälde tårar fanns du alltid där, en kram räckte långt och för en stund vart det som om du tog bort alla besvär. Aldrig sade du något, bara en lugnande blick ett underbart varmt hjärta ofta följt av slick. Varför gråter du vännen, du är bra som du är, låt mig ta bort allt det tunga som du bär.  Att aldrig mer se dig i...

I felt a lot of shame for the things I had gone through, what he had pushed me in to, and I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Who could I trust, or did I just trust anyone who knocked on my door ? Did I know what to look out for or was I just dragging more of them to me?  Was I going crazy ? Would anyone understand ? I knew the school psychologist did, but what about everyone else, what about the outside world ? My friends? Where had I been, who was I ? How to get my life back and what was that ? Could I find any understanding for this battle I was going through ? I felt alone, very alone, even though I had friends around me. I want to share these experiences because I want to be a part of breaking the silence, tell about that what actually many people face everyday. By writing about it in the way that I do, what I faced, how it effected me and how I everyday work hard with myself to become stronger I also want to help to take away that feeling of shame. Because w...

Thank You for dragging me down, because now the only way is up. Thank You for humiliating me, because I have learned to see my own beauty Thank You for showing me, because now I know what kind of future I want to have Thank You for almost taking away my breath, because now I breathe more then ever Thank You for pushing me into fear, because now I know that I am brave Thank You for making me feel hopeless, because all I seem to feel is light Thank You for making me break the silence, for now I know my own Strength.