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The reason I write so openly


I felt a lot of shame for the things I had gone through, what he had pushed me in to, and I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Who could I trust, or did I just trust anyone who knocked on my door ? Did I know what to look out for or was I just dragging more of them to me?  Was I going crazy ? Would anyone understand ? I knew the school psychologist did, but what about everyone else, what about the outside world ? My friends? Where had I been, who was I ? How to get my life back and what was that ? Could I find any understanding for this battle I was going through ?

 I felt alone, very alone, even though I had friends around me.

 I want to share these experiences because I want to be a part of breaking the silence, tell about that what actually many people face everyday. By writing about it in the way that I do, what I faced, how it effected me and how I everyday work hard with myself to become stronger I also want to help to take away that feeling of shame. Because we are not victims, we are survivors and continue to be fighters, everyday.

 Abuse should not be a taboo, we should speak up. To make sure that nobody gets stuck in that situation again and that if they do, they remember what there truly worth, love; and love is not danger, love is not humiliation, love is not being silenced. Love makes you smile from the inside out and from the outside in, Love is safety, Love is many things, but its not supposed to hurt or harm you.

 And if I talk about the importance to talk, to tell what you been through and whats on your mind, then I feel that I should be brave enough to do that too.

 Writing a blog like this is not easy.. and there are several times that I think long and hard how I should say something.. what words to use to not be to graphic or if I at all should say it.. after all this is the Internet.. But I want to tell, I want to be honest to myself and be open about so many things as possible, because only that way can you truly learn and grow to be whole.

 Its also important to not reveal identities. And when it comes to him, unless you knew us, then there should not be away for you to find him. And trust me, I do not want anything to do with him so I do everything I can not to reveal him. And also, that is the mature thing to do. I have not seen him or heard from him in .. well it will be 3 years on Christmas eve..  that is when he decided to contact me again..
In the future I would (perhaps) like to be a therapist both in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and Trauma. Trauma Therapy helps you deal with the past to get clarity and heal the emotional and psychological wounds. I would also like to help someone dealing with Panic because I know what its like to be alone in that. CBT helps you find your way again, the inner strength you always had but had forgotten. That is what I like so much about therapy, the main goal is to make the person realize that they had it within them all along, they just needed help to find it again and guidance in how to use that inner voice to strengthen themselves, to be their own best friend.

 I believe strongly in that If you want to become a therapist you have to deal with your own past too.

 As and End to this Post, here's a little something;

 Sometimes life gives you a storm and you might barely get through it, and after you are afraid that every single raindrop, cloud or wind is going to bring another one to you once again. You might feel naked for you lost your clothes, you might feel ashamed, you lost you. But you need to find something new to wear, something new that is you, a new way to look at yourself, that together with your fighting spirit that you soon learn to have been there all along, will help you endure all the future weather that comes your way, And eventually you will realize that you have the ability to smile even through the rainiest day.

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