Monsters in the Night

Fear during and then anger, and sometimes fear again. But as everyone else, he is also just a fragile human. I wrote about broken pasts and how that helps me understand his behavior, that it helps me let go of anger, because there is not much he can do about it, but that I also will never accept it, since no matter how ill, he might be... he never had the right to treat me that way.

Yes, he had a very broken home, and no stability, but he also chose to not deal with his past or with the problems in his own behavior. He was too sick for that, his unrealistic ego stood in the way. And during the years, as I told in the earlier posts, I got to see his reaction when he was confronted by his own mistakes, when I again had to tell him what he had done and beg him to change. He could not take it, blamed me for blaming and confronting him, for bringing up the past (and the past could have been yesterday and most likely would be the next..) Why did I have to be so mean, why could I just not forget, did I have to be so emotional about it ? He could cry. But he could not change. And probably never will.

When in a relationship like this, and with a person like him, you get to see, hear and experience things that you never that you would or could, afterwords it is really easy to start questioning Everything around you. Who can you trusts ? What is real? And no I do not mean that his way of thinking got me to think that the World and Universe are the way he thinks they are. But sometimes you feel like you really do not know anymore, what if there really is something evil out there? And what about the guys I meet, how do I know that they are not all like that? Could they be worse?

You can easily start to see monsters around you.

But, there are no monsters, just people who are really ill and who often come from very difficult backgrounds. Even after him I have meet a few of these people, and I used to be afraid, afraid of them but also afraid that the next person I meet is going to be like that. I am aware that people who been through this once have a very high possibility to drag similar people to them once again, it is scary, but true.

But I have learned to read them faster, I have learned to grow stronger, And I have learned to let go.
Today I can say No with confidence.

Sometimes it might feel like there are monsters in the night, but once we get clarity we realize that they are just human. Grow to be a stronger one and you know that You can take them.

Sending some light into the night