Roar in the Afterglow

I wanted to write the following post about mental health struggles and the importance of dealing with them, both for ourselves and in order to not drown the loved ones around us- show empathy and take responsibility. I myself had worked on all these things for years- writing, talking, getting rid of shame, practicing healthy self-love as well as understanding towards others. I met with professionals until I moved abroad where I then re-gained my confidence that had been lost throughout my life. I thought I was done healing until my return back home years later last fall, reminded me of the past with its still present trauma related panic-attacks and my always present anxiety. My now former partners un-dealt struggles dug up my buried anxiety and trauma infused fears, panic hit within me. Mental health struggles do not only hurt you, they also suffocate the loved ones around you. I wanted to take responsibility. Life is too short and humans around us are too loved and important not to...

This is a list of some sorts, it goes hand in hand with what I wrote just before. How to build a stable cross-cultural relationship abroad 1. Be SECURE IN YOURSELF, wherever you are. This is the number one thing before putting any pillars in to a relationship that you want to last, near to home or far away. You need to be able to find a secure center within yourself- for when times are good and when they are difficult. Neither can support the other if as soon as you hit a wall you as a partner are breaking apart. Trust in one-self is an important start.  2. Have YOUR OWN PILLARS for an additional sense of security. Realize that you are a new addition to someone elses life, you can not control your partners possible family problems that need time (and healing) to get resolved. Let them take their time, trust that it will one day be alright. Yes, these pillars of our own are hard to find and build, especially if you are newly arrived in the country you are in, But that is w...

It is healthy to argue sometimes, both in order to clear the air and get into a better place with each-other, but also to know that there is safety- a net that will catch you even if you let those mental frying pans fly. Do not be afraid to share your opinion, or even to let out some steam.  And no- we (I will get to that soon..) are not arguing right now. But we have had some pretty hefty discussions, both stemming from each of our individual anxieties.  We all have our monsters in the closet.. that eventually need to come out and throw cookies and tantrums..and as adults, eventually calm down to a more understandable and calm pace- And we both need to be there for one another when the other one needs to be heard.. even if it for a while would make us want to throw our own cookies against theirs. What I have learned- through not only my relationships and dating life- but also through family and friends, is that a relationship can become stronger once the insecurities are...

A few years back I wrote about healthy love- and how to know if you found it, I gave an example I use; Empty room, Travelling the world (and life) and your own feeling (do you feel happy ?).  To be able to answer these questions time is needed, unless we of course are thinking of someone who is down right hurtful, and after experiences and self growth we learn (step by step) to let go- and stay away from them..we can read faster...  ....But, all people are not bad (even though I am far too familiar with the fear and worry). There are so many good people out there, they are good- even though they might have some growing to do, they are good- even if they might not be right for us- what we need, and what we deserve. Individual needs do not always match- that is the reality of life. People are not like puzzle pieces.. and it is when we grow and learn to see our own weaknesses and others- that we realize that we have to stop expecting for prince perfect (he is human too). Thro...

I wanted to write about something I mentioned in my blog post about anxious caring.  As someone living with anxiety and being highly emotional, I know how intense social situations can feel. How much we want to get our message out, reach the other person, say the right thing, worry about what to say, say too fast and too much and then worry about fixing that straight after. I know the chaos that hits our head, the intense feeling of what if they slip away forever and they never got to hear this, what if our bond breaks when it could have been even more understanding and accepting- just because these caring thoughts did not pass between our walls. What if they are shutting down and in the mindset that its not okay to share your darkest thoughts, what if they are alone in there ? What if they are falling, what if I could reach them ? If I care about them, I will always try.  But.. here is one of the main problems.. you see in this panic that the anxiety raises, we.. or at le...

I wanted to tell you a secret, a problem I had for long, a problem I will never fully accept but would not live without.. (but it could be un-intensified.. if I only knew how).  My heart and mind rap themselves around another, they breathe you in and out.. when I care I see all sides of you, even the ones you do not want others to see, I see the person, I get connected, by every smallest piece- and so intensely. This happens with friends, this happens with men.. and with men.. well the dating pattern is often the same.. I pick the ones who never wanted to stay.   When they leave or go silent- like the bond we had never meant a thing, I get all intense and give so much more than I receive. It is like I think that if one of us dies suddenly and we now stop to speak, I want them to know everything about how I really feel, what I been thinking all along, how I will always care about them even if things went wrong. I never say I love you, because truly loving someone takes ...

Solo-travel and exploring on your own often seems to be something that is considered too big of  an hurdle, an  uncomfortable area we would rather avoid. As wolves we are more comfortable in a pack. I used to think like this myself. The thing is however, that we often (as singles in a busy world) find ourselves alone when we would have the time for an adventure. Schedules do not fit.  - Then there are of-course the differences in interests as well, and as being without a partner no one is  "obligated" (please take with sarcasm :D) to go with you on your holiday to extraordinary locations and events.  But hey, that being said; - what a perfect time for you to do exactly what you always dreamed of ! All I want to say is go for it.   Do not sit around waiting for "maybe another time" due to the fear, and I am not talking about the fear of being scared that something might happen on the way (that does not seem to be the first thing that pop...

I wanted to write down something about turning 26, or getting a year older once again, seemed like an natural squeal to my post 25 from last year. Much has happened, most of which I wrote about here before, so I am going to keep this one short. The biggest lesson, the class I have taken and followed before, but now got even stronger material for, or emotional assurance even, is that I do not have to have all pieces together right away. In fact there are a lot of things I could do or never end up doing and I would still find that most important thing called happiness in each and every day.  There are always certain things we would like to accomplish, before a certain age, before we are too old. But is there really such a thing, and by looking above and beyond these limits, let our own true story unfold. I guess my point is this, your life doesn't have to be according to the book, you can write your own.  There is always new unwritten pages, and only you can decide...

To someone in a panic: Sometimes we dwell on things, we keep them in. After a long time we want to run, run away, but we feel like we can`t, we are stuck. We are torn. Sometimes I felt like I could not breathe, I was suffocating.  Start by concentrating on your breathing, be there for you. Try to loosen up, get rid of that tension. You are here, and You are here with You. You are here for You. It might take time, and it might not work the first time, or even the third. But I know you can do it. If the releasing of the tension causes tears, let it, do not push them back, remember, you are here for You and so are your tears.  Also, Do not close up, do not leave yourself alone with your emotions and fears. Talk to somebody, and I know that it might feel like you can`t , like you shouldn't. You might think that you do not want to worry them or drag them into this, Or that they would not understand. But no matter what is on your mind, you should, You are not obligated...

Sometimes I feel old, old like 40 at 24. I guess it is all that energy I gave away, I am tired, but want more then anything to live again, not necessarily smart (seriously sometimes I doubt my IQ when I can not seem to open a door) but maybe somewhat wise, or wiser than before. I do not do (as many) stupid things, I listen to my gut when I feel that something is or might go wrong, I can leave a party early or drink less without feeling bad about being the "boring one ". I like to go on long walks with a friend, drink tea while sitting by the window, and I save money for travelling to new places, the rest gets saved for the future. I guess I have grown up. At the same time I sometimes miss the feeling that I have never had, of being more care free,  I also sometimes wish that I would be able to let go and live life like it never happened. But you live, and I choose to continuously try to learn from it. Trying to meet men when feeling like an old soul, is not easy. Eve...