Take ownership of your mental health

I wanted to write the following post about mental health struggles and the importance of dealing with them, both for ourselves and in order to not drown the loved ones around us- show empathy and take responsibility. I myself had worked on all these things for years- writing, talking, getting rid of shame, practicing healthy self-love as well as understanding towards others. I met with professionals until I moved abroad where I then re-gained my confidence that had been lost throughout my life.

I thought I was done healing until my return back home years later last fall, reminded me of the past with its still present trauma related panic-attacks and my always present anxiety. My now former partners un-dealt struggles dug up my buried anxiety and trauma infused fears, panic hit within me.

Mental health struggles do not only hurt you, they also suffocate the loved ones around you. I wanted to take responsibility. Life is too short and humans around us are too loved and important not too.

So, here is a checklist and reasons why these steps are important.

Take care of your mental health

1. Get rid of shame- talk, educate yourself, write, practice healthy self-love

Educate and express yourself, understand that you are not alone. Join groups, read blogs and articles. write about it, make music, sing. I know I write openly but you do not have too if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just start with a journal. Learn to let go of shame, what happened to you or the condition you have and how it has affected you is not your fault, we do however need to learn to take responsibility (more on that later). Letting go of shame also helps when we need to listen to loved ones worries about our behavior, we can listen, internalize and learn without getting hurt or upset. We take ownership. A happy and stable life is possible if you are willing to put in the work and consider the loved ones around you. Become your dearest honest and humble friend.

2. Do not keep bottling up

To Bottle up (keep it all in until we burst) is the worst we can do to ourselves and the loved ones around us. Talk and share as you go through your struggles, learn from each-other. We all have a mental health and minds are fragile. You are not alone. Talk (or learn to talk) to family and friends- if you lack friends or you simply feel like they are not mature enough for this turn to family, or to peer-support groups (they are far more common and low-key then you might think :) ) and ps. Do not just dump it all on one person- mental health struggle and especially someones trauma is a heavy load to carry.

3. Take ownership and responsibility (seek help and continue throughout if needed)

Talk to a professional if you have a tendency to build up anxiety, fears, worries, sadness/depression or anger on a constant bases. Partner, family and friends can support you and learn about your struggle, but do not drown them. If it is though and intense inside your head, imagine what it is like for loved ones carrying their own mentality and then your load as well. Take ownership of your problem and responsibility to not cause emotional harm. Show empathy towards yourself and others. Let the professionals help. I have my journey with professional support starting on the 11th of September. I also recently started taking SSRI medication (10 mg of Escitalopram) to ease my anxious waves and related headaches.

4. Have other additional coping mechanisms as support throughout life

This is important again for both the inner humble yet honest friend as well as for the people in your life. What helps you on your bad days, what prevents you from going in to full anxiety and then panicking (and be honest- this will always lurk around the corner) ? What helps you stay on a good path ? Is there a coping mechanism or a hobby that works both for you and a possible family of your own. You can not always run away to the forest for days on end.

I recently made my own "calm- bottle" a water bottle, or a jar that is filled with water, glitter, color and glue. I am quite a visual person and focusing my eye on movement that moves slowly calms my mind. When you shake the bottle the glitter swirls around, but soon it slows down- and so does your anxious twirling mind. As I can calm my anxious mind, panic attacks will become more rare.

Water, rain, falling snow, starry sky, wind in the trees, sea breeze and the ever-changing waves of the sea have always helped me mentally. I take long walks around these elements as often as I can and when I have too. ASMR sounds and videos also help to fall asleep.

Another technique I have learned is breathing through my nose and out of my lower belly as well as relaxing my shoulders. I use a feather to visualize and stabilize my breathing (blowing air on it) and remind myself of my presence- (panic can often make you feel like you are not in the room anymore.. more on this feeling later). The feather I keep at home in a box on my bookshelf- not very corona-virus friendly to bring it with me.

Finally, and too often ignored; Sleep, Eat, and drink plenty of water. 

5. Find a career and lifestyle that supports your wellbeing rather then breaks you down

Whether we like to admit it or not, our work is a big part of our daily life. When thinking about career and having struggles with mental health always question the following and remember to consider long-term effects; How does your current job make you feel ? What are the sacrifices- and is any of those related to yours or loved ones well-being ? How do you feel after the workday is over ? 

Find a career where you can see yourself happy and mostly stress-free even years later, a career that allows you to shine, works on your strength, and makes you feel valuable in your own eyes. If you struggle with anxiety remember to be honest and humble towards yourself. Well-being and life balance goes before titles, money and fame. 

- Side note:  Full-time Social Care or office work never worked for me, and after much search within my originally gained professional qualification (Social Carer) and self-discovery I found my perfect match at the bookshop, it is strongly attached to my self-sown career-path in the world of literature yet allows me my weaknesses/needs for well-being and brings out my strength (costumer service, people skills, language skills, product knowledge, detailed visual/logistic memory- "where can I find - can you recommend ?".) 

I feel happy and content (most of the time) during and after work-hours, I get to learn as I go (visualizing), I get to move (helps with anxiety, restless feet and mind) I have access to a back-room for mental (and food) breaks, my shifts are varied in length and substance and there are new customers every day (need for variation, stay invigorated) yet I get to do this in the same space with many repeated tasks (pattern, stability, comfort). Shift-work that is not waking nights (like so often in social care) also allows me more free-time when needed (mental break and enjoy life). I may "just work at a store even though I have a qualifying University degree" but I sure feel, still 1 year after, that I won the lottery.