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When I knew I had to set you free (completely)

This past year has been a hellride as we both fought our anxieties. You wanted answers for us and I wanted you to stay back home where I sent you in September; find work, a path, structure, help, stability- I wanted it so bad that I caused you more anxiety, to which you wanted to fly back here and hold me immediately as that would extinguish the pain and the truth- at least momentarily. You realized that that was wrong, you would not be able to stay for long, ADD and Anxiety was knocking on your door. Many ups and downs, your moodswings, and tears of mine saying "listen and fix this" later you wished/anxiously demanded for me to come to you- but I knew that it would not be the answer, tell you the truth it scared me. I would feel lonely as a person can be. That is what your recently discovered diagnosis does to me. You need to learn to live with yourself and no one can tell you how that should be (the therapist and loved ones can advice you but you are your own key) - you will find your own way (in your own time), eventually.
And so I changed the name on our former door, this castle of mine across the Atlantic is not yours anymore. As we already discussed I will send you your most precious things, you deserve to be set free. You are no longer attached to a life you can not see.
I will never again tell you how things should be, I relies us both from this anxiety.
I will always love you, and despite our hellride I have learned so much that now I can see, that by letting you go you will always be a dear friend to me.


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