Roar in the Afterglow

What does true friendship mean to you ? To me it means that they will dance with you in any room like no one is watching (even though there might be other people around who would roll their eyes, feel second hand embarrassment or share and whisper into the rooms you move through). This dancing is of course a metaphor (but doesn't have to be), it could be referring to opening up, talking deep, listening wholeheartedly to both of your biggest worries or biggest dreams- it does not matter if those around do not think that deep- with me you can be you at any time any place, and I hope I can be that with you too. That is what true friendship means to me. We can laugh out loud or cry if we need to, be  as we are in that moment in time, in good and bad (as long as we work on ourselves, and hold ourselves, and each-other accountable) no-one is left (out of embarrassment) aside. That is a word that true friendship leaves behind.  When I was a child I was often embarrassed of myself, I often

Are you also struggling in social situations when small talk is exchanged ? Do you, like me, feel like a awkwardly jolly firecracker or a burst of rainbows trying to fit in with the beige that the situation seems to require and everyone else seems content with and managing ? I often wonder how it seems to come so easy to others.. -Side note;  I'm lucky to say that through finding myself later in adult life I have found hobbies that fit my personality- and friends who do not look or walk away, but join me in my charades or big deep and sudden topics(and who's brain seems to vividly and unapologetically work the same way). Also, similar to you or not- true friends will adore (and sometimes tolerate) your silly ways.  Its not to say that I can't act plain, I can play the beige card- laugh subtly, not make too much noise, stay calm and only stick to beige topics, like; hows school, hows work, hows the food, was it a long drive.. ? And I can even stay quiet, shove myself aside.

We all self-loath sometimes, and there are many paths to that negative self talk;  - Why are we not "there" in our lives yet - how is it that we are the ones falling behind? Or - Why are we not the kind of person who is always so effortlessly dolled up, smooth skinned or silky wavy haired with eyebrows on point-  it seems so easy for everyone else (also, note to self.. in reality there is no such thing, it takes lots of time and effort..) ?  .. followed by ..well, if it takes effort... Why can't we be the kind of luscious good smelling and glistening perfect human that cares more about this ?  On a daily bases the self-loathing comes as a side dish with the sneaky beauty/physical appearance standard that is fed to us on a daily bases,  - We can also find ourselves self-loathing in form of downtalk and anger towards ourselves for not being good (or the best) at a certain skill/hobby we otherwise would enjoy (why is it sometimes so hard to let go of this thinking even after