Lighten it up -or look at the other side of that same leaf (how to not fall into a spiral of self-loathing)

We all self-loath sometimes, and there are many paths to that negative self talk; 

- Why are we not "there" in our lives yet - how is it that we are the ones falling behind?

Or

- Why are we not the kind of person who is always so effortlessly dolled up, smooth skinned or silky wavy haired with eyebrows on point-  it seems so easy for everyone else (also, note to self.. in reality there is no such thing, it takes lots of time and effort..) ?

 .. followed by ..well, if it takes effort... Why can't we be the kind of luscious good smelling and glistening perfect human that cares more about this ? 

On a daily bases the self-loathing comes as a side dish with the sneaky beauty/physical appearance standard that is fed to us on a daily bases, 

- We can also find ourselves self-loathing in form of downtalk and anger towards ourselves for not being good (or the best) at a certain skill/hobby we otherwise would enjoy (why is it sometimes so hard to let go of this thinking even after an already pressure filled day at work.. ?)... and furthermore, the worst I believe- in lack of certain skill- not letting ourselves take part in an fun activity that we think we would enjoy out of fear of embarrassing ourselves.

If we only learned that we are our own worst critic, others very rarely care, also the way you build up the chapters in Your life, your skill in dancing, running, painting, lifting, or length of lashes, the way you are dressed when you bike to work (I usually think I like I look like Franklin the Turtle heading for a dorky adventure.. one can not always be a stunner on wheels) or  have a constantly non manicured nail-condition is not (usually) at the top of anyone else mind other then your own. And life is not about gathering likes on social media either- do not hang on to those as a way to gain self-acceptance. Observe how you talk to yourself. 

First of all It is okay to just BE. You do not have to "nail" or prove anything to anyone else, - life is not a race, a competition in skill-set (or beauty pageant where looks are deceiving and no one messes up their talent routine). You are always just right, as you are, at what stage you are, there and then (voila world here I am <3), and not everything that other seem to have (and you lack) is as wonderful/or fun as it seems. To actually be the best (or perfect) at something takes often lots of training, energy and mental breakdowns, having your life "settled" is not always as wonderful as it seems to be. And finally the beauty standards.. remember ...you decide if you want to spend 3 hours every morning going to the gym taking selfies, having protein shakes for breakfast and then getting the perfect "effortless" waves into your hair only to then walk around worrying that the rain will mess that up..

I say dance in the rain, and have that muffin with your breakfast.. Enjoy your morning. Or just sleep every last minute of it if that is what your mind and your body needs. 

  And when it comes to hobbies or simply surviving in this 24/7 credential based world; Do what makes you happy. And learn to embrace yourself with love as you do;  try to focus less on current state of talent/skill or today's darn lack of focus but on the simple joy of being able to enjoy this wonderful You) or if that does not work (because those dark days do exist) try to simply see the other side of the leaf (self-image) that your downtalking mind is presenting to you ; I got dressed this morning (hurray! yes sometimes a "Hurray" is needed 💛) I biked to work (positive- and healthy with a side of fresh air), I wore a helmet despite it being big and chunky (positive- and a responsible grown up 👍), I had my lunchbox, water and extra sweaters with me in case I would get cold therefore my overflown backpack makes me look like Franklin the Turtle (positive), 

And for the bigger worries and self-loath/comparison to what we see in others;  I am taking my time and choosing my own pace and chapters in life (positive, honest and kind). I think you catch my drift. 

Practice to light things up instead of talking yourself down inside your head, 

Ps. as a sidenote,  despite by love for writing I have lately lost my spark and/or idea box (my head is as  empty as Merlins cave)- You are most welcome to give me suggestions. And I will try to work my magic.