What does true friendship mean to you ? To me it means that they will dance with you in any room like no one is watching (even though there might be other people around who would roll their eyes, feel second hand embarrassment or share and whisper into the rooms you move through). This dancing is of course a metaphor (but doesn't have to be), it could be referring to opening up, talking deep, listening wholeheartedly to both of your biggest worries or biggest dreams- it does not matter if those around do not think that deep- with me you can be you at any time any place, and I hope I can be that with you too. That is what true friendship means to me. We can laugh out loud or cry if we need to, be as we are in that moment in time, in good and bad (as long as we work on ourselves, and hold ourselves, and each-other accountable) no-one is left (out of embarrassment) aside. That is a word that true friendship leaves behind.
When I was a child I was often embarrassed of myself, I often accepted the "pick and choosy"friends as fair. They would have me around when no one was looking, accepted me when the options were few. I felt grateful (and well in knowing) that my presence was an less wanted option for them and a momentarily feeling of being chosen for me.
"- Be grateful for the tolerance you get",
and later in life I learned that that lesson of self-worth comes at a price,
"- You will only get accepted a handful of times"
- "And always be grateful if you at least get to sit somewhere waiting on the side- you are not completely pushed aside, just silenced (as you are embarrassing) for a while."
I of course had some other friends too- but I tended to follow this painful lie as the truth, it felt like the correct order of things at the time- They were right and I pushed myself aside. Later in my teens humiliation from a partner and fear of not being wanted/taking the scrapes I got = equaled love (now known to me as abuse) and still years after I am healing the wounds. I learned to see true friends from those who simply pick and choose for the occasion;
the heart to heart ones who love me (truly) are those I allow to stay. - girlfriends who inform me that I (despite making plans) won`t fit into their crew for the evening and I will have to sit this one aside- I might have bit down on my heart then and accepted- but for many years now, people like that are not worth my soul or time.
I am welcome and so are you, always and every time. There is no "pick and choose for the occasion friendship" or embarrassment for you in my mind. If you want to talk about your belief in magic or witchcraft, the biggest heartbreak, burnout, the toilet paper that got stuck in your shoe as you entered the train or if you simply need to fall down and break, I will be there (to the best of my abilities) no matter the crowd around us, and you should never be ashamed.
Your company is wanted, do not set yourself aside.
And to those true friends I have and will gain for the years to come, neither do (no longer) I.
True friendship invites you in just as you are, each and every time.
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