Roar in the Afterglow

For a few years now I have wanted to live in a tiny house on wheels;           a mobile, ecological, minimalist grandmas cottage. Big windows, wooden floors, natural and warm yet bright surfaces,with pops of color (sunflower yellow kitchen cabinets, turquoise tiles or a single tea-pot) and Moroccan and Scottish throws and pillows. A spacious bedroom loft with a window in the ceiling, a small and not too heavy fireplace to keep the house warm during the winter (or just to boil tea and that cozy factor), a tiny wooden sauna room at the back with an inbuilt shower and half of a giant whisky barrel which could serve both as a sauna seat and bath tub. Storage space under the stairs (my goal is to have as little "stuff" as possible), a dinner table that comes up from the floor when needed, a couch/storage by the window. Wheels underneath to get to new exciting locations when needed (for work, other responsibilities or due to climate change), a few wooden fold box...

  Calling my bank back home in another European country to pass through SEPA payment for my public transport card here in the new but also safe and functional country where I despite the ever whispering inflation and grey employment market have managed to get some dream career related volunteership. This life is unpaid- but I have my "trustfund" (my own savings I worked for), a set of modern tools for any western situation and free libraries/workspaces for writing and life admin, free hostel leftover food and a keep-cup to sip my morning coffee from as a stroll around the city canals, its artwork and flowers. This life is safe. Be grateful for that. I try to numb myself for sanity and focus on that, as the bombs go off in other lands, as children are crying over the bodies of their loved ones, cradeling themselves with the last two limbs they have left, I try, for my own sanity, to turn off the images, focus on my coffee flavoured ice-cream from the small family busines...

I would run cartwheels right where I stood if you showed up at my doorstep, if you suddenly sat in the audience during my Indian dance or Improv theater performance.  I would remember it forever if you showed up at the airport to say goodbye for now or welcome back,  I would love for you to ask me where in the world I am at.  I would love for you to reach out to me and ask us to read the same book simultaneously and then meet over coffee to share our thoughts, It does not take much time out of your schedule or much effort of sorts, just a suggestion, a thought.  I would love to go out for a joint run or jog, maybe for once right here in my hood- you could use my studio apartments little one person shower,  My home, my little wonderful life- You know you are welcome here too.  Meet me in my life, see where I live and what I do, it might not be marriage and children, or a big suburban house with a yard, but it is me, your friend- still hanging on at the other...

Anxiety, as you well may or may not know is a crippling feeling. It affects your heartbeat, brainwaves, thoughts, assumptions and actions there after.  The good thing however is that the horse can be tamed;  - breaks to your ever spinning wheel (like medicine; serotonin I bow to you, self-discovery, honesty and a little bit of love and laughter at the solutions your mind would like to rush you in to) can be put in place and, for the most part, maintained.  Plus, be kind to yourself when you hit a set-back, these things are bound to happen. You are after all only human. not one of those floating zen creatures with a crystal on you forehead able to have insight and clarity to peoples intentions through the power of mind reading (damn.)- but hey neither are you the Hulk. Phew.   Sometimes it is social anxiety- to me this tends to happen when I walk into an acquaintance, note that I do not have the same problem with close friends or strangers. But there is something...

I wanted to write about people out there, human beings, and the joy it can bring simply to know that they exist. And even if we only got to have them in our lives briefly.  I recently went solo travelling once more, and met inspiring people at the hostel and among the locals as I opened my eyes and let my notion explore. There are those in life I only came to met briefly and those I knew for longer, but who turned into a memory as we no longer (for one reason or another) shared a path. I can, and have learned, to appreciate their gift to the world (and to themselves) in simply being human and growing into becoming who they need. As well as being able to find thankfulness and (if needed) strength, in life´s uplifting simplicity.  - There were the kind hostel workers, mostly young men- still finding their feet, still not knowing where they wanted to be, but thankful for their wonderful community. - There was a girl in the bed above me- the first night she arrived we giggled as I...

A life lived It is not about winning or being right, mistakes happen, and we fail at times Life is about living, and learning-  (despite the outcome) - their essence is printed in the journey So learn to laugh at yourself from the inside when its needed, let your gratefulness for life shine through and learn to apologies to yourself and others, be humble and unafraid to learn to do better- there are times that is needed too. Live and grow, wholeheartedly,  no fear for showing flaws perfectly imperfect that should be your most important cause.  - to my mother (and father) Tiny House of Wheels A cup of warm tea in my hands as the sun closes in on the rain. It smells of freedom to be living this way. Striped from material, with large windows, and a tiny yet open and cozy kitchen. A fireplace to warm my feet. A whisky barrel as my bathtub and a sauna to bring the heath. A fluffy bed with a window in the ceiling. Bookshelves along the walls. a sofa from where I can see the sta...

I am longing for the unconventional. The out of the box, the unknown. Life is too short, the world is too remarkable and you are too precious to confide to a life of 'stay put because what if in 20 years..' I choose to turn around the worry this way.. if your heart desires to explore.. what will you be able to tell it 20 years from now ?  I follow my late grandpas footsteps, a forever explorer (adventurer, project worker, priest and sailor). I also have plenty of globally minded family friends as reference, who work with everything from garbage collection/truck driving, nursing, flight attendant, sailor, teaching, NGO peace-projects to being an ambassador, and an ever adventuring godfather who has sailed around the world a few times, chooses to rent, owns a cottage and is about to row the Atlantic ocean. There are many ways to build an international lifestyle. You can live your life "3 years here, 3 years there" or something of a more mixed divide, this especially if ...

In the world of dating are you also one who "tries too hard" give's a 110% and is always understanding ? Even to the point that the offers you make of "staying around" or adapting to their busy lifestyle and priorities, as well as your mental " If I just"- and "As long as I do not"-battle, are taking over all the good sides of you, your sanity, well-being, life.. The sparkly, freely-breathing and life-exploring human-being that you are ? Do you get sucked in and stuck by your own will-power and hope for them to change ? It is okey to give it your all, do not ever feel bad for that. .... but when you start to feel yourself hitting the walls of the box of a person who has clearly barricaded themselves in (and you are stuck in the thought of helping them find their way out, desperately trying to let some sunlight in..) Know when to leave- it is not your box to crack open, you have the whole world to enjoy and one life to enjoy it in. Do ...

With you, next to you, you on mine and me on your shoulder, Together-  I want to grow, and grow older. Life is not a flawless picture. It is a perfectly imperfect un-photogenic mixture. It is hugs at 5 am, burnt toast, long haul flights and movie nights, it is a missed phone call, a car over-packed with toys, dreams come true and socks on the floor, it is stressful weeks- and love once more. It is together figuring out this thing called life, It is sudden laughter, It is your smile, The way you look at me; and I know we will be alright. It is every raindrop, every breakdown (car or human). It is every worry or past nightmare I promise not to hide, It is our balance, annoyment but love that never died. It is You & Me, messy. honest. real. I promised to love all of you so I wont just take a half, all of me- uncensored- and you still reach for my hand  .. and  so I know, We will last. With still butterflies in my stomach and spilt milk...

Ever witnessed mistreatment, or heard words that made you turn your head ?  Ever walked on as if what you witnessed was something normal- pretending like it never happened- that it is not up to you to stand up to what was being said ? Do you ever think who else might have heard it, who might hear it again-by the end of this day ? How they thought that it is accepted- to be talked to this way.  Have you ever thought who`s business it is to teach our youngsters not to call each-other names, have you ever let it continue, blaming the parents for their ways ? It is not our place to interfere, it is not our problem so why should we care, and god forbid- if we decided to say something- what if someone stared ? But what if we could change the current, help the river shift its stream ? What if we could end a vicious cycle even if it was "just a badmouthed kid who does not understand what it means".  What if we could change a life, or even just a day ? What if this ...

I started my new job in book publishing (still can not believe it) I got here thanks to something I would refer to as a mixture of a lot of hard work and some lucky "how could this possibly have happened" strokes. After much emailing... and I mean over a 100 publishing houses asking if they would have an internship and I could work for them for free, calculating the months I had to wait to get through the queue to get to work for free, and after calculating how I would live life for 6 months with a full-time unpaid job and some pub work.. and sleep during and 70 hour work week.. I got a magical twitter response, some CV guidance over a coffee offered by this ferry godmother and some insights and an extra pair of eyes out to the industry and its people,.. ..... one week later a get an interview. It turned out to be the same publishing house that publishes the Scandinavian cooking book in our kitchen, plus several titles on mindfulness, humor and simple well-being. A week lat...

What defines us as adults, what really says that we "Made It" ? Based on how the world is rolling, how expectations of success and its meaning is built up in our mind, our society.. It is a career is it not? It is a plan, it is a house, it is money, it is LinkedIn.. it is a desk, it is a title, it is a Volvo with the perfect quota of kids....  Or is it ? Is it the milestones, or is it the journey ?. And which journey..? The one where we lift the bricks and build our way to the top ? The journey where we want to fit in.. Or is the life laid in-between and under, the space behind the stage ?  The learning from our mistakes, the making of mistakes, accepting our flaws, living with them, acknowledging them? Acknowledging others around us.  Not hiding behind a mask- But truly living. Building (by listening and learning) the bricks to our own unique perfectly imperfect self, to the best selves that we can be.. laughing,  stopping, listening, feeling, understanding, ...

Sometimes life gives us lemons… we stumble and hurt our knee, we did not get enough sleep, we run into our date while looking like shit, we make mistakes, were out of luck and end up missing out on something.. a fun event or that one type of cheese we had planned on buying, the sudden weather does not suit our outfit.. we get grumpy, frustrated.. angry, a small thing could set the tone for the rest of the day. However, I wan't you to be aware that I did think about those cases where there is so much else that is lurking behind the reason for our mood. There are the cases where we are going through hardships, when the making of lemonade just really feels like a tasteless joke. Positive thinking, when going through a tough time- that one might sometimes be a hard nut to crack. I used to struggle with this, live a life where everything seemed gray.. well it was gray.. I was gray, I guess what I am trying to say here is that sometimes this type of thinking just does not cut ...

Solo-travel and exploring on your own often seems to be something that is considered too big of  an hurdle, an  uncomfortable area we would rather avoid. As wolves we are more comfortable in a pack. I used to think like this myself. The thing is however, that we often (as singles in a busy world) find ourselves alone when we would have the time for an adventure. Schedules do not fit.  - Then there are of-course the differences in interests as well, and as being without a partner no one is  "obligated" (please take with sarcasm :D) to go with you on your holiday to extraordinary locations and events.  But hey, that being said; - what a perfect time for you to do exactly what you always dreamed of ! All I want to say is go for it.   Do not sit around waiting for "maybe another time" due to the fear, and I am not talking about the fear of being scared that something might happen on the way (that does not seem to be the first thing that pop...