Roar in the Afterglow

I wanted to write about people out there, human beings, and the joy it can bring simply to know that they exist. And even if we only got to have them in our lives briefly.  I recently went solo travelling once more, and met inspiring people at the hostel and among the locals as I opened my eyes and let my notion explore. There are those in life I only came to met briefly and those I knew for longer, but who turned into a memory as we no longer (for one reason or another) shared a path. I can, and have learned, to appreciate their gift to the world (and to themselves) in simply being human and growing into becoming who they need. As well as being able to find thankfulness and (if needed) strength, in life´s uplifting simplicity.  - There were the kind hostel workers, mostly young men- still finding their feet, still not knowing where they wanted to be, but thankful for their wonderful community. - There was a girl in the bed above me- the first night she arrived we giggled as I...

  We all struggle to see the flaws in in our ways and actions, as that requires us to reach down and pick at the pieces of our fragile tower, our home, ourselves.  But in order to grow in our relationship with others we need to listen to those around us (let them tell us what they need, how we sometimes hurt them, and how they feel). It is not an easy task- but truly listening (with an open heart) brings us closer to understanding one another and it helps wounds and towers broken bricks to heal. It is stronger and more lasting when it knows that it can (and will) face what is real.  Honesty.. and parts of that fragility disappear. Honesty.. we live our lives to the fullest, good, flawed and sincere. In life there are many times we need to face ourselves, and this is not the only, growth comes from facing our flaws and then tangling them, slowly;  Perhaps we left our own voices aside, then felt hurt and tired as we had to explain what our boundaries where like, we nev...

I previously wrote about making life choices and the importance of staying true to ourselves when making them and choosing our path. But no matter how much these bigger choices (like changing career or moving to another country) and smaller ventures (that will be mentioned here) lay on our mind ready to take action, there is something to consider once we make the conscious big choice to enter a relationship; - our partner. Our now most important commitment of all.  We all go through moments in a relationship where we need time to go out and venture to for-fill ourselves and our own wants and needs and where our partner might momentarily be physically left aside, whether it is going travelling on our own, going on a night out with our single friends, leaving for a longer job gig abroad, or (as my ex had) spending alone time hiking and camping in the same tent as a friend of the opposite sex. Sometimes we need to get away and take a breather, other times it is simply part of our pers...

I wanted to write something about going on adventures of your own- even after you found someone who would walk there beside you to any  corner of the world. Now, this might not fit everyone's idea of a relationship- but it is an important value and hope in mine. With so much time spent walking this earth solo, making plans and taking planes, hikes- breathing out after a past I left behind- I have grown fond of this feeling- the freedom, the time to myself. It is a part of me I will always need- a hug that no one else could give.  Being someones companion- team- does not always mean walking with you, beside you- literary. It is just as much about giving space- showing understanding. Be happy for the other part going out there in the world and gaining the strength and peace that they need. And I guess in a lot of ways staying sane for themselves- and through that for others. Understanding that, is love.  So, there will be times when I need me, breath in, remind myself tha...

We all want to love the person we fall in love with (who they are now), we all want to tell them how much we cherish their strength, their capability of standing up, and staying that way. We all want to love someone for the smile they bring with them, for the laughter that now brightens up our face. But I want you to love her too. I am not my past, I left that behind. But I still hold her hand, till this day, always, and each and every night. I don't need you to love me that much, I know you already do. But she needs reassurance; that you would have loved her too. It wasn't pretty, I was a mess. But each night I tell her, I do not love her any less. Once someone I loved, used the word %#!?¤ when describing girls who...well lets say look for attention in obvious ways. I was her, she was me- only my hope for love (how twisted it may have seemed) was within those walls and the paradigm of something that would never be received.  I don't even call money makin...

A Little poem I wrote;  in accordance with  Little Sparrow  and  To learn to see all of you with new eyes (self perception after leaving an abusive relationship) Awkward laugh, skinny arms or floppy belly. Every inch, every sound. - This story, I am telling It is a part of me. It is who I am. Through every hurdle they held my hand. So I will not hide, put walk forward with pride, To every single part, I will be kind. 

A few years back I wrote about healthy love- and how to know if you found it, I gave an example I use; Empty room, Travelling the world (and life) and your own feeling (do you feel happy ?).  To be able to answer these questions time is needed, unless we of course are thinking of someone who is down right hurtful, and after experiences and self growth we learn (step by step) to let go- and stay away from them..we can read faster...  ....But, all people are not bad (even though I am far too familiar with the fear and worry). There are so many good people out there, they are good- even though they might have some growing to do, they are good- even if they might not be right for us- what we need, and what we deserve. Individual needs do not always match- that is the reality of life. People are not like puzzle pieces.. and it is when we grow and learn to see our own weaknesses and others- that we realize that we have to stop expecting for prince perfect (he is human too). Thro...

Be careful, because unfortunately there are stupid people out there, unfortunately there are just some who do not know better, sometimes boys do stupid things.... I have been given a rape alarm for my own protection, I have been asked if I should carry a maze. I have looked into classes, gathered my strength, thought twice about how I should cover myself, I have planned a safe route as I walked. I have talked with a girlfriend on the phone as I made my way home from the bus, just in case- and maybe, that second witness would scare possible prosecutors away. We take this "everyday behavior" of some of the men out there, we walk through it, live it and adapt, it is painful in every way. The word Pussy and Girl shake that Ass for me (singed and rapped by men) are mentioned in so many songs and movies, in the language that is spoken and images that are shared. But the word dick does not seem to appear half as much anywhere. I have been yelled at, called at and grabbed, ...

I wanted to write down something about self perception. How our looks, physical strength and the way we sound and come across to others, affect the way we see ourselves, how we feel about ourselves. My mission here was not to write about the make-up on our face or that eye catching dress we could wear. But rather the people...humans we are. The ones we will always be. For a long time I had quite a low confidence. That low confidence came from how I perceived myself, and I still struggle with that from time to time. You see I knew I was small, short, clumsy, sometimes a bit chubby (boys nickname for me in Pre-school was Christmas ham) and later just small as a twig. I had struggles in finding that voice inside, and when I did I was afraid that that voice was too big- not suitable to this body of mine. I was afraid of being too loud.. too annoying.. I became quiet...awkward... and at moments invisible trying to keep the awkwardness away from daylight. Sometimes it sprang...

This one was a hard one to write, but I felt like it was an important issue to bring up. Loving unconditionally. And I am not talking about staying in a relationship and letting them treat you badly, then you need to love yourself in the same way as I am about to write about loving someone else, see you and your well-being, what do you need to be happy? Allow yourself to let go. I am talking about loving someone even if they did not choose you, are you capable of that ? Can you be happy for them even if that happiness was not with you ? The reason I am writing this is the too familiar ´Now we are just friends but I still have feelings for them- situation´. Been there ? Yes, it is tricky, and no I do not handle it all yogi "let go and say thank you" perfectly. I look at the pictures on that wall of other girls they hang out with, I think of all the chances there are that they meet someone else, better, prettier and more together and less anxious at that Festiv...

Check in that bird, she looks fine With a booty like that, what do you got to hide ? Long hair, long legs, the cleavage, she is just your type . So good that you noticed, she is gorgeous alright. But there is more to this girl than first meets your eye, the most beautiful parts she chooses to hide. See she knows that those things are not the things that catch your attention, so she covers, rinses, pulls, tucks away, all for that appreciative smile & affection. But underneath all of this, is a girl, a person, more beautiful and real, that anything could ever fix. It is the toes she hates, the cellulite on her ties, the wrinkles that gather up through all the years she smiled. It is her tired face after a long day of work, or her hormone jumbled days that she faces with life loving determination even if she is feeling at her worst. It is every inch and unwanted hair, all the spots, shapes and angles she right now wishes were not there. This is the beauty that we should s...

I have a history of being a pushover. As a child I had a habit of letting other kids decide over me (or well boss me around), ex. regarding what part oh what character I should be in a fantasy play, and I was just happy to be allowed to even be apart of the thing, to not be left aside. As a teenager that continued, I was glad to just be taken with, to not be left alone. I remember a specific incidence (at a scouts camp actually) where my teammates, decided that we should cheat in a competition task where the leader did not play a big part, by telling the others that I was the group leader since I was the weakly talented one....the only task my teammates gave me during that day long competition was to keep a track of time. I was happy just to get to be with them, that the allowed me to be there, but within me, as so many other times, it did hurt, I just did not say anything and did my best to bury those feelings... well, we ended up winning that competition, but the way to do that w...

It is not easy knowing whether what you found is right, is this love real ? Is this love safe ? How do I truly feel ? It can be difficult to be honest with ourselves. I usually (or well, those few times I get this far) try to ask myself these 3 following questions, and I hope they can help you too; 1.   If all you had was an empty white room, could you sit there with just them, as they are, and would they sit there with you ? Do you love them for them, or for the things that come with ? Do we love them for a hobby that they have. their family or friends, their social status, A high position at a fancy company or the ability to treat us with luxuries ? And how about them, what is it that they love about You, is it You they love ? Would they be enough as they are, would you love them even without all those things? And how about them ? Sometimes there might even be things that come with that we find annoying or that we do not like, or in worst case makes us feel unsafe, ...

Why are subjects like mental health and therapy such a big Taboo ? I read an article in the University Paper about struggling with mental health and being afraid to talk about it to your friends, what if someone found out, how would they look at me then ? I believe that many of us struggle with something mental, or have or will at some point in our life. We all go through things in  life and we all have a mentality, we are all human and humans are fragile. And what about the modern society, what its doing to us; daily pressure to give out a certain look of a happy perfect life and yet when we have that moment we want to share, we forget to live in it, to actually be with them. And what about the stress ? I think we can all agree that every single one of us can easily fall apart. So why could not we just talk about it more openly ? Think about it, we say that true beauty comes from the inside, we all (well almost all of us) work on the outside to look good and sometimes some o...

Over the past years I have been thinking a lot about how guys talk about women and how they talk to them, what they say that they look for in a woman and so on. Some men (and of course women too) can be very superficial and also talk in (my opinion) a somewhat degrading manor about the other gender... Personally I have been in a Sauna as the only female with a bunch of guys, and listening to them talk about us like.. well.. it was not nice to hear. To be honest it made me feel a bit sick. How can men, far past puberty, and in an age where you would think that they would start acting and thinking like grown ups, still talk about women as.. well.. pieces of meat ? A woman is not just "good boobs and nice ass and long blond hair, or whatever hair-color,  or figure you desire " made me feel nauseous even writing that sentence... It is not my puzzle to solve, but I hope that they in time, whenever that is, learn to better ways and do not teach that way of talking to their ow...

Today I got to be a part of showing kids at an elementary school how to throw a lifeline when you are trying to save someone at sea. Later it triggered the thought about saving someones life, and how even the smallest of gestures can make the biggest of difference. The day before that moment that changed my life for the better, I had met a few fellow camp leaders in a park. We stayed and talked and when it was time to leave we had to clime over a small fence, the two guys that were walking towards the same direction from the park asked me if I needed any help in getting over that fence. [ And they did not  know about my relationship or that just about a week before I had fallen through my family friends old dock right in front of my boyfriend so badly that the bruises on my thigh would still show months later, he had helped me with icebags as my mom told him too but right after that he sat at the only chair on the cliff playing games on his mobile phone while I got to s...

We have all heard the expression To Find Your Other Half, the person who will complete you. That You will fall in love and become as One... But where the heck does this idea of being each other halves come from ? Should we not focus on becoming complete, and as strong individuals as we can be, before we decide to share ourselves with someone else ?  Do we need someone else to be our other half ? Our Better half ? Can I not be my best whole and then find another whole to share my best whole with ? I used to think that way, that I need someone else to complete me, to make me whole, but what I have learned over the past few years is that you should focus on completing yourself as one whole, and as you own up to this way of thinking, someday, people who are good for you (and perhaps that special someone) will find you. You should always remember to focus on someone who wants you whole. And the same goes for that someone, you should focus on finding someone who is whole, ab...