I know you want it

Be careful, because unfortunately there are stupid people out there, unfortunately there are just some who do not know better, sometimes boys do stupid things....
I´ve been given a rape alarm for my own protection, I´ve been asked if I should carry a maze. I've looked into classes, gathered my strength, thought twice about how I should cover myself, I've planned a safe route as I walked. I've talked with a girlfriend on the phone as I made my way home from the bus, just in case- and maybe, that second witness would scare possible prosecutors away.

We take this "everyday behavior" of those some out there, we walk through it, live it and adapt, it is painful in every way.

The word Pussy and Girl shake that Ass for me (singed and rapped by men) are mentioned in so many songs and movies, in the language that is spoken and images that are shared. But the word dick doesn't seem to appear half as much anywhere.

I've been yelled at, called at and grabbed, having to lie that I'm married for it to stop- that my husband will be here soon- that is the only way I've got away some of those men at a club. My opinion doesn't matter- but if I'm already a sealed deal and taken by another man, then they can stop- I'm no longer a part of their plan.

I've sat in a sauna with some guy friends, there as the only girl, age 17, and what I got to hear was disturbing. The fingers on my hands wouldn't be enough to count how many times I heard the word pussy, easy and she will put out. I sat their in silence, because that is what we do- it's not our business to be so annoying, to speak our mind and tell those boys what to do.

You see if we speak about these Everyday things, how they make us feel. We get called annoying, embarrassing, a bit over our heads. Weak and sad, pathetic for making a note. Attention seeker- that is what all these girls are these days, that is all they want with this. We point out the thing that hurts, your actions- and you feel uncomfortable as we say it out loud, when we no longer stay silent, and no longer just listen to what you want. You ask me to be quiet, you look the other way- or worst case, end up participating in the whole reason for this discussion in some way.

And about those words that can be heard in those songs- the words that get stuck in your head before you realized the meaning, and I don't blame you- those modern tunes are stuck in my head too, I find myself dancing to demeaning songs about How you Know I want it, before my head (at that point drunken) catches up with the words, you thought I looked at you and that it was an invite for you to make your move, just like it happened before, what I then say to you doesn't matter once more. I'm a bitch if I speak up, difficult if I say no, as I pull away you only think I want it more. But back to those words, all they long playing in our heads, seen on TV as the girls are shaking their ass. You use the word pussy for your entertainment, my ass is simply something to look at and play with.

So we do our best to re-use those words, we take ownership of our own parts, pussy power is where it starts. And believe me I wish I wouldn't have to say those words out loud, I want to keep my private parts (and their description) for myself if I could choose, I wouldn't shove the word Pussy and Vagina- monologues in your face and have you feel unconformable in this way. But the thing is, whether I want it or not my parts are already up there on your display.

And as far as it comes to how we are treated you may say- " Isn't it because of how you behave, how you dress and what you at first might say ?" . But dear men from a young age it is from watching you that we have learned, what gets attention and how do we possibly get heard. We adapted to fit in your ways.

And as far as how we are dressed-that should never be taken for granted as an invite anyway- hands and slurs stay far away.

You might think that we enjoy it, this objectifying attention but a big sorrow lies deep within, have you ever thought about how all this sexualizing makes us feel ?

What if your attention was given for another reason ? What if you wouldn't encourage young girls to dress and behave this way ? What if girls, women could feel appreciated and heard for simply what they have to say ? What if you took the time to listen- instead of starring at her body parts all day ?

What if it could have been changed from the start ? What if we could flip this card ?

What if the locker room talk could change? What if videogames wouldn't be sexualized in any way ?

What we hear and what we see, can easily lead to how we end up to be.

A wrong action out one night, could scar that girl you just wanted to hit on- for life.

As you read this you might think, not all men are rapists, so this really doesn't apply to me, but that is exactly why this concern is raised- you see this is not just about getting "unlucky" and end up raped. And as I wrote that last bit I did it sarcastically. Your attitude in the sentence says the normality, rape is something that could happen eventually.

This is about all the everyday humor, talking about women like they don't need to consent, objectifying words that all of you have said, and if you believe your one of those who never said a word, you have stood there with a group of guys, laughed and maybe stirred.

There is of course a chance that you really have lived under a rock, but if you haven't, can you ask yourself why you didn't say something- why don't you make it stop? If you know better- why do we need to be afraid, why can't we trust you, well it's all these jokes I'm afraid..

I'm tired of getting pulled by my arm when I say no, grabbed in the Ass or hear the word Bitch in every song. I'm tired of protecting, blaming and questioning myself. Was it my own fault for just being there ?

Isn't it ironic that we live in a world where a protection program called Ask for Angela is put into place to help girls who are feeling uncomfortable and unsafe, and still we vote for an president that encourages men to grab us by our pussy when their feeling that way.

I wish there wasn't a need for me to protect myself, that I could walk home without constantly looking behind. I wish I could sit down in a car with some guys that I sort of knew, without hearing jokes like "We could take this to the woods you know", I wish I wouldn't have to be afraid.

I wish I could live my life, knowing that wherever I am I`ll be alright. I wish I wouldn't feel uncomfortable-day or night. I wish I wouldn't have to raise my daughters in a world where I teach them how to walk fast, carry a maze and fight.

I wish you all knew that You do not know that I want it. 

That I wouldn't have to give you an excuse or have you accusing me of acting up.
And as I read this through I looked at the word prosecutor and thought I've made a mistake, you see harasser was what I meant to say- but when I look at it now it fits right in- to blame the victim- that is the world we're living in. We should all do our part to make this world a safer place, for all- no matter what clothing, level of awareness or gender- we wear, have or are.


I wish we could all do the thing that`s right,
Can we all just wake up and turn on the light ?