Roar in the Afterglow

Anxiety, as you well may or may not know is a crippling feeling. It affects your heartbeat, brainwaves, thoughts, assumptions and actions there after.  The good thing however is that the horse can be tamed;  - breaks to your ever spinning wheel (like medicine; serotonin I bow to you, self-discovery, honesty and a little bit of love and laughter at the solutions your mind would like to rush you in to) can be put in place and, for the most part, maintained.  Plus, be kind to yourself when you hit a set-back, these things are bound to happen. You are after all only human. not one of those floating zen creatures with a crystal on you forehead able to have insight and clarity to peoples intentions through the power of mind reading (damn.)- but hey neither are you the Hulk. Phew.   Sometimes it is social anxiety- to me this tends to happen when I walk into an acquaintance, note that I do not have the same problem with close friends or strangers. But there is something...

One of the most valuable lessons in life is that no one else will be your knight in shining armor (or Wonder Woman or Xena). In life, you ride your own white horse. And that said; you are the key to your own happiness. So don`t wait. And do not lay the expectation on someone else. You can take your own adventures, today (okey maybe not today but like when you get annual leave). An you can buy your own flowers. You can comfort And I am not denying the fact that it would be nice to one day have someone to do some of that for you. But until then. Don't wait, and even then. You are, and will always be, your own knight Here are my weekly £2.00 flowers, celebrate your life

This past late spring, summer and fall I have put a lot of energy into finding myself- into finding all those things that I previously just had been thinking of or for sometime forgot, in falling in love again with my own curiosity, making my footprints in my sand.  I found new hobbies, continued my adventures and made sure to approach my goals with an open-mind, widening my horizon towards all inspiring things I could find. There has even been a step by step change in career, with determination and sources of inspiration, I can really now see myself on a staircase leading there. I wanted to write down something about losing yourself in someone else. I tend to lose track easily, faster than I liked to admit, Anyone else out there who feels like this, who easily loses sight for all the things they (when thinking more clearly) would never want to miss ? I hope you understand that the situation this is based upon was all but bad, I was the one who lead myself off track -and t...

Solo-travel and exploring on your own often seems to be something that is considered too big of  an hurdle, an  uncomfortable area we would rather avoid. As wolves we are more comfortable in a pack. I used to think like this myself. The thing is however, that we often (as singles in a busy world) find ourselves alone when we would have the time for an adventure. Schedules do not fit.  - Then there are of-course the differences in interests as well, and as being without a partner no one is  "obligated" (please take with sarcasm :D) to go with you on your holiday to extraordinary locations and events.  But hey, that being said; - what a perfect time for you to do exactly what you always dreamed of ! All I want to say is go for it.   Do not sit around waiting for "maybe another time" due to the fear, and I am not talking about the fear of being scared that something might happen on the way (that does not seem to be the first thing that pop...

Do you have that one place, a place that means to you more than could easily be put into words? I am sitting at mine right now. I wrote once before about knowing that you found love, on how I often think about an empty white room, if that was all we had for a moment, would I be happy right there with him ? But life is not an empty white room, it is each-others lives we step into. I used to climb up on a big rock when I was little, my thinking rock. Here I would make everything from potions to soups in the nooks and holes of its surface, collect and store pieces of twigs and stones and look at all the formations while sitting on its back. But most of all this was a place to think, to calm down; to gather myself. For some time now there has been a pier surrounding this rock, I am resting my back against the bench, the bench is carved to hug the rock. My parents often sit here, during every season, whether it is winter, fall, spring or summer. It is not too win...

Many of us have been there, been stuck at an airport. Time may go faster when your travelling in twos or threes, But how do I deal with it when it is just me ? Please read with humorous lighthearted sarcasm, the following first world problem was written with almost no amount of sleep;  Making the best of it when waiting at an airport can be a challenge, hours need to role by, you are rolling your thumbs, spend time staring at things right in-front if you, after which looking at your phone hoping 50 minutes past by, only to realize its been 14 minutes. I have been here since 6:30 am, an hour before I needed to be, so that I could take the journey to a finish with my friend who I will now depart ways with. A last chat over a cup of coffee at Pauls here at Faro airport was all worth it, but now with a delay from a 10:15 departure turned to 12:00, turned to 12:50 I have a lot of thumb rolling to do. No working Wifi, a small airport under construction with a lot of s...

I traveled back to the countryside and coastline to get some fresh air, to this village like city that I lived in before I lived here. I walked along the city walls, felt the warmth from the Cathedral chimney. I for-filled my own wish to get a mystery book covered in wrapping paper, with a message stating what I am searching, now and maybe still later. I had some cream tea by the window towards the tower and then ended up in the pub where and old man sat next to the open fire. After some much needed steak ale pie, I moved the flowers on the table a bit to the side, I opened the wrapping and found the title inside, Time for a Change, and ones again it came right on time. So I sat there with the book in my hand, sometimes people watching, there were locals coming in, a dog jumping towards me, jokes at the bar and a two men, one old and one young, trying to get the jukebox to play something. The young mans eyes met mine, I looked at him, we both smiled, then he met a girl, so I though n...

I had the most wonderful thing happen to me, it was love, just like out of a film.. actually, it Was in a film. And I was sitting on the couch, by myself, just me, eating left over chocolates from Christmas ... And it was so romantic that I even clipped my toenails on the same table.. okey that is not romantic at all... but I am by myself, so I can do whatever I want and soon I am going to be living in and sharing a house with 4 other people for the next 6 months and maybe longer after that, so I am taking everything out from these last few days as a lonesome.  Anyway, the point was to write about the feeling you get when you watch a film like that- with no one who holds you, smiles back at you or massages your shoulders while you clip your toenails. Sometimes it might feel like a bit of self torture, am I right ? I mean I know times when I just do not let myself watch anything like that, just to avoid the feeling. But why? I mean, I like it, not the self torture, but the other ...

I went out hiking this weekend Sometimes when you get out in the nature you remember to think clearly, you stop for a second and get closer to yourself than ever. Watching over the quiet lake reminded me of how thankful I am of my own vulnerability as well as my strength and the fact that I am still standing. I am thankful for no longer being there, in that down-dragging mess that could have been my future, I am thankful that I am here, right here and still breathing, but without the feeling of hopelessness in my chest. As night came, we; that is us scout leaders and some of the kids, did something that I secretly always dream of, we searched out a clearing from the trees where we then laid on our backs to watch over the clearest starry sky. Again I was reminded of how thankful I am to just breathe, even though it some days almost breaks me in to pieces that your not here yet..I started thinking of where you are.. I am thankful for the time that I have to get back in touch wi...

Sometimes I wish you were here. Where ever you are. I do not know if I already met you or if I am still about to. How do I find you, and how do I know when I have found you ? Sometimes I meet someone who seems nice and kind, and then I get let down. So how am I supposed to trust again, not be afraid to see the good, trust in it, that it is real and not just for show ? How do I know that what I found is good, and how do I find you ? I miss you. .. Yes.. I miss him, and maybe you should not be allowed to say that, how can you really miss someone that you do not even know ?..Well, all I know is this feeling. That finally found them feeling, that feeling of safety, that feeling of knowing that this is the person you want to take your life's adventures with, that feeling that you do not have to say anything, you could just be. That feeling of laughing to something stupid that only the two of you understand. Seeing them smile.  But here is the other truth.. no matter how much I som...