Skip to main content

All by myself (romance films while clipping toenails)

I had the most wonderful thing happen to me, it was love, just like out of a film.. actually, it Was in a film. And I was sitting on the couch, by myself, just me, eating left over chocolates from Christmas ... And it was so romantic that I even clipped my toenails on the same table.. okey that is not romantic at all... but I am by myself, so I can do whatever I want and soon I am going to be living in and sharing a house with 4 other people for the next 6 months and maybe longer after that, so I am taking everything out from these last few days as a lonesome. 

Anyway, the point was to write about the feeling you get when you watch a film like that- with no one who holds you, smiles back at you or massages your shoulders while you clip your toenails. Sometimes it might feel like a bit of self torture, am I right ? I mean I know times when I just do not let myself watch anything like that, just to avoid the feeling. But why? I mean, I like it, not the self torture, but the other side of it, honestly I do not know what to call it, Hope maybe? Or Happiness? The genuine happiness, that feeling you get when you see him rushing to the airport when he realized something, or flies back to get her and and this time had taught himself her language, or just changes a look with the other or makes a joke and you know they are meant for each other(and well, also because you know the end). 

Even though it may hurt a bit sometimes it is just as wonderful to be able to sit by myself and enjoy these films. I mean the feeling that I can, that I allow myself to feel. That I can tell myself that it is okey to be here on my couch like this,that I can laugh about it while I make myself a cup of tea and rub my own shoulders, because even moments like these are worth cherishing,

And finally, if you believe in it, I believe that everything will fall into place. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

An intuitive journey back to my solo travels

For the past few years I have had a fallback in writing. A lack of inspiration and a feeling that I had already written about "it all", or the things I really wanted to say at least. Perhaps it is the SSRI medication that for the past 4 years have been numbing (in a good way) my anxiety- but also keeping my head away from mind loops, or perhaps I just got to the end of it- let out all the biggest of Roars.  But, whatever it is that has made me write less, I will make sure to not stop completely. I do enjoy this too after all, it is not only an outlet for something anxious, it was always supposed to be more than that. Something to lift spirits, bright up days, encourage others to live (or continue too) live their best and most for-filling lives. So, I decided to go through my solo travels, one by one. Because what might not have been obvious through these text through the years (that is- mainly from the summer of 2016 forwards), is that I went on adventures, on my own (mostly)...

Shine on bright (about mistakes, self-doubt, kindness and curiosity)

Live with all your heart,  and never feel ashamed for trying every mistake, has a silver lining be grateful for all that you may learn Life is too short to doubt every move, every turn Listen, and never be ashamed of being true Stay curious, humble, and always be you respect yourself and those around you,  - thank them for their honesty too Life is meant for living, so never dim your light Pause in your steps,  breathe and shine on bright. 

Unhinged

Forgive yourself, lets start with that.  Anxiety can (and will) at times make us act all out of whack I used to pray; do not do this to me again.  Whatever you do- do not let me stumble off towards the edge. But you will stumble, that is a fact, so forgive yourself for falling way off track.  Find those around you who agree to communicate- not say what they do not mean and then leave the truth unsaid-causing you to sprint towards the edge. The edge gave you answers, truths that were left unsaid. It extinguished the feeling of hopelessness.  The what ifs, whys and fear of losing the shots you do not take, the ticking construct of the little time that is left.  Tick-tock, knock-knock and you find yourself unhinged.  Tick-tock, knock-knock you realize the spin.  Tick-tock, knock-knock, mortification creeping in.  Deep breaths darling You are not mad Deep breaths darling The right people will want to understand Deep breaths darling I will hold your ha...