Don't lay your firefly within the wings of someone else, Always build your home within (and around) yourself

This past late spring, summer and fall I´ve put a lot of energy into finding myself- into finding all those things that I previously just had been thinking of or for sometime forgot, in falling in love again with my own curiosity, making my footprints in my sand. I found new hobbies, continued my adventures and made sure to approach my goals with an open-mind, widening my horizon towards all inspiring things I could find. Theres even been a step by step change in career, with determination and sources of inspiration, I can really now see myself on a staircase leading there.

I wanted to write down something about losing yourself in someone else.

I tend to lose track easily, faster than I liked to admit, Anyone else out there who feels like this, who easily loses sight for all the things they (when thinking more clearly) would never want to miss ?

I hope you understand that the situation this is based upon was all but bad, I was the one who lead myself off track -and this is my humble reaction to what got slightly lost on that path.

I could feel it happening again- even if clarity hit me right towards the end.

One week at a time, and gradually, I lost myself again.

Looking through photos theres a blank in my adventure, and I dont mean in mountain climbing or a hike. It was a bit too cold for that during our time.

But the adventure I see in each and everyday, (that curiosity within me was lost),

all I thought about was what you were up too today.

Every move was a move towards you- not towards my true heartbeat and who I am, but towards the haze-full longing of you holding my hand.

But it wasn't you it was me, I lost myself

started to build a home in someone else.

One part at a time, I got on track,

I could hear my inner thankful whisper.. "I am back"

And this isn't for me to say that during that time you swept my life away- you made me happy, even in that haze. 

You never twined me in, it wasn't like situations before- but I got stuck in something that wasn't me once more.

I dont think you ever got to see, who I really am, who Im meant to be. I dont think I really knew myself because all I did then was dream. But now Im building, reaching- one puzzle piece at a time. Im living, and creating- this little life of mine.

Dont lay your firefly within the wings of someone else,

Always build your home within (and around) yourself <3

(Thinking back to January- April 2017)

* So what have I been up to and what did I change; I remember in January when I still worked at the charity shop- sitting on the floor of a basement, testing donated children's toys for faults.There where several moments that I thought; I need to find my way- I really do feel lost. I had applied for something daytime within my degree and a few weeks later I started working with social care within one of UK;s biggest charity's. Months went by when this (for 2 days a week) was the only thing of mine- did some dancing but that didn't take much of my time. I also did some volunteering once in a while. I didn't have social hobbies, clubs or after-work buds- without the always busy uni-life I felt quite alone.

I was lacking of things of my own, I made a list and started thinking about things I always wanted to do, soon I found my place in small comedy Improv class in Brick Lane, I also discovered spoken word events which I now attend frequently. Next to my job with the elderly I now work in a stand-up comedy pub; pouring pints and meeting locals, its cozy, fun and social- thats for sure. I traveled to Portugal with my friend and then did yet another solo and surfing adventure to the coast. And as of change in career- well I guess you can tell that writing is my passion, and so is spreading stories and advice from all over the world, filled with hope and inspiration- I started thinking of work within book publishing a few months ago, I made a to-do list.. and now with a short course at UCL behind me, I landed my first work experience period at a publishing house.

Never forget who you are, and what it is in your life that you want. Always keep on building a life of your own- follow your dreams and reach for your goals.