A few years back I wrote about healthy love- and how to know if you found it, I gave an example I use; Empty room, Travelling the world (and life) and your own feeling (do you feel happy ?).
To be able to answer these questions time is needed, unless we of course are thinking of someone who is down right hurtful, and after experiences and self growth we learn (step by step) to let go- and stay away from them..we can read faster...
....But, all people aren't bad (even though I am far too familiar with the fear and worry). There are so many good people out there, they are good- even though they might have some growing to do, they are good- even if they might not be right for us- what we need, and what we deserve. Individuals needs do not always match- that is the reality of life, and No, people arent like puzzle pieces.. and it is when we grow and learn to see our own weaknesses and others- that we realise that we have to stop expecting for prince perfect (he is human too). But through growing and understanding- understanding what love really is, we learn to see how to care, how to be there, how to love- despite our differences.
And that my friend, that is the person in your life that you want.
So.. to the point.. my friend told me about a list she makes, (a real simple one) whenever she is pondering about some bloke (yes I used the word bloke..), Now this could be used when youre really deep in the feels and still aware of that they are really REALLY bad for you.. but you just can't get the dream of them out of your head.. or when you simply are wondering.. is this right.. is it worth it ?
She puts a line through a piece of paper, and on one side she rights her needs, what does she need from someone to feel well.. safe, loved ? What does she deserve.. what do we all deserve ? On the other side, following one need and statement after another, How is this need met ? What is the reality?
Again.. knowing that, and having the answers might take some time, but quite soon I think we can tell where we are rolling..
Now.. I know that doing a list like this might feel a bit sweet 16.. but writing it down helps, seeing it in-front of you helps, being shaken up in the 7th cloud does put your head on a buzz even if your heart might be hurting. Find a tool to help you see more clearly.
On top of that (and a bit as a sidetrack) I'm sure this list can be useful when thinking of other people and whether they are good for you or not, does it make you a better person o have them around ? Do they bring out the best or worst in you ?
And that said (relationship, friend or even relative), this list doesn't have to mean that their a lost cause when it comes to the two of you, but as you they might just need some time. No matter what the future holds (if the result of this list is more negative then expected), they need to grow in order for them to become the person that you need (and deserve).... That gave me a thought, do this list on yourself too, how do you meet the needs of them, and what do you tend to do ? Give them (and yourself) time (they deserve that too) and maybe one day (if meant to be) you´ll both see how the bond was only built for better, gradually.
And finally, don't stay where it hurts, but before you walk away- talk it through, sometimes communication is the part that we willingly lose- for fear of what might happen, if confrontation is what we chose. But if we cared, and if we tried, and still it just messes our head and makes us feel left behind.. You can let go and leave, that's okey- You deserve love, not pain- And love can be found within you and in the goodness around you- in the most peculiar ways.
For the post mentioned above; How do you know- healthy love
To be able to answer these questions time is needed, unless we of course are thinking of someone who is down right hurtful, and after experiences and self growth we learn (step by step) to let go- and stay away from them..we can read faster...
....But, all people aren't bad (even though I am far too familiar with the fear and worry). There are so many good people out there, they are good- even though they might have some growing to do, they are good- even if they might not be right for us- what we need, and what we deserve. Individuals needs do not always match- that is the reality of life, and No, people arent like puzzle pieces.. and it is when we grow and learn to see our own weaknesses and others- that we realise that we have to stop expecting for prince perfect (he is human too). But through growing and understanding- understanding what love really is, we learn to see how to care, how to be there, how to love- despite our differences.
And that my friend, that is the person in your life that you want.
So.. to the point.. my friend told me about a list she makes, (a real simple one) whenever she is pondering about some bloke (yes I used the word bloke..), Now this could be used when youre really deep in the feels and still aware of that they are really REALLY bad for you.. but you just can't get the dream of them out of your head.. or when you simply are wondering.. is this right.. is it worth it ?
She puts a line through a piece of paper, and on one side she rights her needs, what does she need from someone to feel well.. safe, loved ? What does she deserve.. what do we all deserve ? On the other side, following one need and statement after another, How is this need met ? What is the reality?
Again.. knowing that, and having the answers might take some time, but quite soon I think we can tell where we are rolling..
Now.. I know that doing a list like this might feel a bit sweet 16.. but writing it down helps, seeing it in-front of you helps, being shaken up in the 7th cloud does put your head on a buzz even if your heart might be hurting. Find a tool to help you see more clearly.
On top of that (and a bit as a sidetrack) I'm sure this list can be useful when thinking of other people and whether they are good for you or not, does it make you a better person o have them around ? Do they bring out the best or worst in you ?
And that said (relationship, friend or even relative), this list doesn't have to mean that their a lost cause when it comes to the two of you, but as you they might just need some time. No matter what the future holds (if the result of this list is more negative then expected), they need to grow in order for them to become the person that you need (and deserve).... That gave me a thought, do this list on yourself too, how do you meet the needs of them, and what do you tend to do ? Give them (and yourself) time (they deserve that too) and maybe one day (if meant to be) you´ll both see how the bond was only built for better, gradually.
And finally, don't stay where it hurts, but before you walk away- talk it through, sometimes communication is the part that we willingly lose- for fear of what might happen, if confrontation is what we chose. But if we cared, and if we tried, and still it just messes our head and makes us feel left behind.. You can let go and leave, that's okey- You deserve love, not pain- And love can be found within you and in the goodness around you- in the most peculiar ways.
For the post mentioned above; How do you know- healthy love
Comments
Post a Comment