To be able to answer these questions time is needed, unless we of course are thinking of someone who is down right hurtful, and after experiences and self growth we learn (step by step) to let go- and stay away from them..we can read faster...
....But, all people are not bad (even though I am far too familiar with the fear and worry). There are so many good people out there, they are good- even though they might have some growing to do, they are good- even if they might not be right for us- what we need, and what we deserve. Individual needs do not always match- that is the reality of life. People are not like puzzle pieces.. and it is when we grow and learn to see our own weaknesses and others- that we realize that we have to stop expecting for prince perfect (he is human too). Through growing and understanding what love really is, we learn how to be there for someone, how to love- despite our differences.
And a person who is willing to meet you halfway, that is the person you want
My friend told me about a checklist she makes when she is pondering over a new guy she is seeing. This checklist could be used when mesmerized, yet aware of that the are really bad for you.. to shake you out of the dream. It could also be used when simply wondering.. is this person right for me.. ?
She puts a line through a piece of paper, and on one side she writes her needs, what does she need from someone to feel well.. safe, loved ? What does she deserve.. what do we all deserve ? On the other side, following one statement of need after another, How is this need met ? What is the reality?
Knowing that, and having the answers might take some time, but quite soon we can tell which direction the reality check is taking us.
I am aware that doing a list like this might feel a bit sweet 16.. but writing it down helps, seeing it in-front of you helps, being shaken up in the 7th cloud does put your head on a buzz even if your heart might be hurting. Find a tool to help you see more clearly.
On top of that I am sure this list can be useful when thinking of other than love interests as well and whether they are good for you or not, does it make you a better person to have them around ? Do they bring out the best or worst in you ?
That said, this list does not have to mean that the friendship is a lost cause, time and life might give them growth, the person you deserve. Do this list on yourself too, how do you meet their needs ? And how do you meet your own, you need your own support in order to be whole. Perhaps one day (if meant to be) you will both see how the bond was only built for better, gradually.
And finally, do not stay where it hurts, but before you walk away- try your best to talk it through, sometimes communication is the part that we loose- for fear of what might happen, if confrontation is what we choose. But if we cared, and if we tried, and yet it messed our head and made us feel left behind.. Walk away- it is your life too.
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