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How to build a stable cross-cultural relationship abroad



This is a list of some sorts, it goes hand in hand with what I wrote just before.

How to build a stable cross-cultural relationship abroad

1. Be SECURE IN YOURSELF, wherever you are.
This is the number one thing before putting any pillars in to a relationship that you want to last, near to home or far away.
You need to be able to find a secure center within yourself- for when times are good and when they are difficult. Neither can support the other if as soon as you hit a wall you as a partner are breaking apart. Trust in one-self is an important start. 

2. Have YOUR OWN PILLARS for an additional sense of security.
Realize that you are a new addition to someone elses life, you can not control your partners possible family problems that need time (and healing) to get resolved. Let them take their time, trust that it will one day be alright. Yes, these pillars of our own are hard to find and build, especially if you are newly arrived in the country you are in, But that is where that sense of inner "oak" security is a very important thing.

3. FIND THINGS YOU LOVE in the new country, does not have to, and perhaps should not always be what your partner loves. If you intend to live a cross-cultural life find something that sustains your love for this foreign second home of yours.

4. ACCEPT the Online life with family and friends for those everyday chats.
For living on another continent/or in another country (even if just temporarily) this is now your reality. Make the best of it.

5. KNOW that Nothing is set in stone- You are in charge of your own reality.
Make your cross-cultural/continent life an ever changing adventure. Take turns, spend holidays in your home country. Take 1-2 years at a time. Have a house in one and an apartment in the other, or do a house-swap whenever the opportunity occurs, Hypothetical kids can fly over whenever they have time, they can stay all summers with their grandparents if they would like. Get comfortable with the idea of a flexible lifestyle (as far as you can bend), but accept that for that to be possible some sacrifice will be taken in the end. Embrace all the cross-cultural memories you get instead.

6. DO NOT PAINT EACHOTHER WITH YOUR OWN CULTURAL IDENTITIES.
This goes for those with a strong national pride and roots. Cultural identity can be impossible to relate to if you do not speak the same language or did not grow up in the same culture.
Your culture, nationality and memories are not your partners, and you fell in love with them for who they are- do not forcefully paint over them as you try to help them immerse/or when you are the one missing home. Instead create new memories of you as a couple. 

7. SUPPORT AND HELP YOUR PARTNER TO FIND THEIR OWN IDENTITY IN THE NEW HOME COUNTRY
A relationship is a team where you support one-another. Do as much as you can to help your partner feel at home, have memorabilia around, try to learn their language or just start with some phrases, once in a while take part in a hobby they like even if it is not your "thing", learn about their national holidays, find a food-truck, cook a national meal. Support them in finding a hobby, places or social groups where they can practice their own interests and recreational activities.You can also see if you can find a hobby that you both did in your previous lives and immerse yourselves in that together.

8. ACCEPT THAT YOUR IDENTITY IN THE NEW HOME COUNTRY CAN NOT BE COMPLETELY THE SAME AS BACK HOME.
But acknowledge when your partner tries too support you in this.You might need to find new ways to do things, be open minded. 

9. DO NOT HOLD GRUDGES
- remember why you chose this life

10. BUILD AN EVEN STRONGER SECOND SHARED CULTURAL IDENTITY
- this will be your intercontinental family
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