Skip to main content

How to build a stable cross-cultural relationship abroad



This is a list of some sorts, it goes hand in hand with what I wrote just before.

How to build a stable cross-cultural relationship abroad

1. Be SECURE IN YOURSELF, wherever you are.
This is the number one thing before putting any pillars in to a relationship that you want to last, near to home or far away.
You need to be able to find a secure center within yourself- for when times are good and when they are difficult. Neither can support the other if as soon as you hit a wall you as a partner are breaking apart. Trust in one-self is an important start. 

2. Have YOUR OWN PILLARS for an additional sense of security.
Realize that you are a new addition to someone elses life, you can not control your partners possible family problems that need time (and healing) to get resolved. Let them take their time, trust that it will one day be alright. Yes, these pillars of our own are hard to find and build, especially if you are newly arrived in the country you are in, But that is where that sense of inner "oak" security is a very important thing.

3. FIND THINGS YOU LOVE in the new country, does not have to, and perhaps should not always be what your partner loves. If you intend to live a cross-cultural life find something that sustains your love for this foreign second home of yours.

4. ACCEPT the Online life with family and friends for those everyday chats.
For living on another continent/or in another country (even if just temporarily) this is now your reality. Make the best of it.

5. KNOW that Nothing is set in stone- You are in charge of your own reality.
Make your cross-cultural/continent life an ever changing adventure. Take turns, spend holidays in your home country. Take 1-2 years at a time. Have a house in one and an apartment in the other, or do a house-swap whenever the opportunity occurs, Hypothetical kids can fly over whenever they have time, they can stay all summers with their grandparents if they would like. Get comfortable with the idea of a flexible lifestyle (as far as you can bend), but accept that for that to be possible some sacrifice will be taken in the end. Embrace all the cross-cultural memories you get instead.

6. DO NOT PAINT EACHOTHER WITH YOUR OWN CULTURAL IDENTITIES.
This goes for those with a strong national pride and roots. Cultural identity can be impossible to relate to if you do not speak the same language or did not grow up in the same culture.
Your culture, nationality and memories are not your partners, and you fell in love with them for who they are- do not forcefully paint over them as you try to help them immerse/or when you are the one missing home. Instead create new memories of you as a couple. 

7. SUPPORT AND HELP YOUR PARTNER TO FIND THEIR OWN IDENTITY IN THE NEW HOME COUNTRY
A relationship is a team where you support one-another. Do as much as you can to help your partner feel at home, have memorabilia around, try to learn their language or just start with some phrases, once in a while take part in a hobby they like even if it is not your "thing", learn about their national holidays, find a food-truck, cook a national meal. Support them in finding a hobby, places or social groups where they can practice their own interests and recreational activities.You can also see if you can find a hobby that you both did in your previous lives and immerse yourselves in that together.

8. ACCEPT THAT YOUR IDENTITY IN THE NEW HOME COUNTRY CAN NOT BE COMPLETELY THE SAME AS BACK HOME.
But acknowledge when your partner tries too support you in this.You might need to find new ways to do things, be open minded. 

9. DO NOT HOLD GRUDGES
- remember why you chose this life

10. BUILD AN EVEN STRONGER SECOND SHARED CULTURAL IDENTITY
- this will be your intercontinental family
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Are you not lonely ? (and my stay in a small bothy at the Isle of Canna)

Loneliness for me is a common feeling while travelling solo, don't think (when you are following my adventures on social media) that I am immune to it. I like the solitude at times, and it builds a stronger relationship with myself, to do this on my own that is, but I often wish I had found my companion.  I keep turning every rock, stair into wells to see a reflection next to me, stay open minded and socialise at home. I wander to all corners of the world, I am on all the apps- talk to locals. I am not shy. But so far he has not been found. I have (in moments of hilarious lighthearted desperation) even tried to go back in time Outlander style, if he is not in 2024, maybe in 1878. Perhaps a man from the Bridgerton era. Times are tough, and there are not plenty of available healthy mature fish in the sea, perhaps an old tire, but fish- well most of them have been caught by now, or they were let back into the sea for a reason. The trash never even made it to shore, people do not want ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Little Sparrow (about self perception)

I wanted to write down something about self perception. How our looks, physical strength and the way we sound and come across to others, affect the way we see ourselves, how we feel about ourselves. My mission here was not to write about the make-up on our face or that eye catching dress we could wear. But rather the people...humans we are. The ones we will always be. For a long time I had quite a low confidence. That low confidence came from how I perceived myself, and I still struggle with that from time to time. You see I knew I was small, short, clumsy, sometimes a bit chubby (boys nickname for me in Pre-school was Christmas ham) and later just small as a twig. I had struggles in finding that voice inside, and when I did I was afraid that that voice was too big- not suitable to this body of mine. I was afraid of being too loud.. too annoying.. I became quiet...awkward... and at moments invisible trying to keep the awkwardness away from daylight. Sometimes it sprang...
Post a Comment
Read more

To all my busy friends, show up in my life too- it matters

I would run cartwheels right where I stood if you showed up at my doorstep, if you suddenly sat in the audience during my Indian dance or Improv theater performance.  I would remember it forever if you showed up at the airport to say goodbye for now or welcome back,  I would love for you to ask me where in the world I am at.  I would love for you to reach out to me and ask us to read the same book simultaneously and then meet over coffee to share our thoughts, It does not take much time out of your schedule or much effort of sorts, just a suggestion, a thought.  I would love to go out for a joint run or jog, maybe for once right here in my hood- you could use my studio apartments little one person shower,  My home, my little wonderful life- You know you are welcome here too.  Meet me in my life, see where I live and what I do, it might not be marriage and children, or a big suburban house with a yard, but it is me, your friend- still hanging on at the other...
Post a Comment
Read more