Skip to main content

the stars in their grace



7 candles lit up,
my face -like fire crackers.

No wishes, they rarely last.

I did like people normally do.
it echos, my past.
I look at you.
I like your face,
it reminds me of sunny days.
freckles, beard, sleep,
sweat,

it echoes,

I can`t feel my feet,
I'm in a haze,
I step outside to see the stars in their grace.
I'm right here, and I will be okey.

I go back inside,
you're fast a sleep.
but I got my air.
I'm still me.

I know this concept might be too big, too deep, too heavy, I'm scared
but still I chose to speak.
I wrote it down

why the air, why do I cry and tell you that I fear that I'm not there.

you deserve to know what you see, I owe it to the future me, 

I opened up a wound, 
the thing I'm carrying those times I get up, outside, and look at the stars and the moon.

But like an empty note, I'm still waiting for the words;
it's okey.
Your past isn't appalling me from you in any way.

Sorry, I fell asleep,
Are you okey ?

I hope I can see you again some day. 


* A poem about how my PTSD flared up one night during a "too fast too soon" situationsship.






Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Are you not lonely ? (and my stay in a small bothy at the Isle of Canna)

Loneliness for me is a common feeling while travelling solo, don't think (when you are following my adventures on social media) that I am immune to it. I like the solitude at times, and it builds a stronger relationship with myself, to do this on my own that is, but I often wish I had found my companion.  I keep turning every rock, stair into wells to see a reflection next to me, stay open minded and socialise at home. I wander to all corners of the world, I am on all the apps- talk to locals. I am not shy. But so far he has not been found. I have (in moments of hilarious lighthearted desperation) even tried to go back in time Outlander style, if he is not in 2024, maybe in 1878. Perhaps a man from the Bridgerton era. Times are tough, and there are not plenty of available healthy mature fish in the sea, perhaps an old tire, but fish- well most of them have been caught by now, or they were let back into the sea for a reason. The trash never even made it to shore, people do not want ...

An intuitive journey back to my solo travels

For the past few years I have had a fallback in writing. A lack of inspiration and a feeling that I had already written about "it all", or the things I really wanted to say at least. Perhaps it is the SSRI medication that for the past 4 years have been numbing (in a good way) my anxiety- but also keeping my head away from mind loops, or perhaps I just got to the end of it- let out all the biggest of Roars.  But, whatever it is that has made me write less, I will make sure to not stop completely. I do enjoy this too after all, it is not only an outlet for something anxious, it was always supposed to be more than that. Something to lift spirits, bright up days, encourage others to live (or continue too) live their best and most for-filling lives. So, I decided to go through my solo travels, one by one. Because what might not have been obvious through these text through the years (that is- mainly from the summer of 2016 forwards), is that I went on adventures, on my own (mostly)...

Little Sparrow (about self perception)

I wanted to write down something about self perception. How our looks, physical strength and the way we sound and come across to others, affect the way we see ourselves, how we feel about ourselves. My mission here was not to write about the make-up on our face or that eye catching dress we could wear. But rather the people...humans we are. The ones we will always be. For a long time I had quite a low confidence. That low confidence came from how I perceived myself, and I still struggle with that from time to time. You see I knew I was small, short, clumsy, sometimes a bit chubby (boys nickname for me in Pre-school was Christmas ham) and later just small as a twig. I had struggles in finding that voice inside, and when I did I was afraid that that voice was too big- not suitable to this body of mine. I was afraid of being too loud.. too annoying.. I became quiet...awkward... and at moments invisible trying to keep the awkwardness away from daylight. Sometimes it sprang...