You know the uncomfortable feeling you get each time you hear the soundtrack (or That beat) from the cult classic Jaws ? What would it be like if that feeling effected your sensors physically (and you felt the tunes and beat like a deep drum) and then that heavines got stuck on repeat for a while.. a few hours ? or maybe went away only to return as soon as the bus drove a bit to close to the curve and heavily hit it's backside against the concreate with barely no sound ? And as the heavines hit you and all your sensors where overloading (lump in your throath, rope around your heart- pulling and releasing, heatwaves) you would have needed a quiet space- a neutral blank page to calm the engines down- gather yourself, but instead you are faced with crowds, the bus, grocery shop, the world does not stop turning.
There are many different things that a Highly Sensitive Person (about 15 % of the population) can find as their cryptonite..or in less Marvel words- stressors. There are noises (sometimes a single tune from a melody that just at that moment hit the right spot), crowds, chaos, thight spaces- crowds and noise and chaos in thight spaces (not be able to "get away"), strickt time-frames (own pace is important- but all in moderation), hostile vibes, hurtful behaviour from those who should love us/protect us, cruelness (more on our sometimes unpreportionated reaction and others unawareness later), walking on egg shells, someone not liking us, someone not liking someone else, office bullying, mean words by a stranger on the street- the startled face of the person receiving those words (we can sense the hit and I find myself often trying to gain eye contact with that person making sure they are okey and know that they are not alone). Sadness, Arguments. We can feel the tension and the tension stays with us. We tune in with the sounds and emotions around us. I literally feel like spongebob.
When my sensors are overloaded my head reaches the "brinch of anxiety" that is -the feeling of an iron thread beeing twisted and turned between my ears, I fall into tears. This twisting and turning is painful. But it is a wave I have to ride right through. As I lived with myself some time now I´ve learned to Zone-out in order to not reach this point of sensory overload. If a 5 minute quite space is nowhere to be found I basically just stare into the air infront of me (or panic- not recommended). People often asking me- are you okey ? I do this (intentionally or sometimes on cue) at parties, at work (especially when I worked in the busy care sector) and when out in the busy city.
When I zone-out or still have the buzz of a sensory overload I find it hard to listen. If a friend is telling me about their day I want too but I can not concentrate- I am aware of this, often feel bad and want to ask them questions so that they feel heard (but it is difficult if you can not grasp or remember what was said) I see the disappointment in their face sometimes-and I can go on hours thinking about me beeing so rude towards them and how they now must be feeling- the empty feeling I caused during the conversation. I can feel it too, it echoes. Guilt is a common feeling- we do not want to cause pain. You can read more about this in my blog post Listen.
As we can sense feelings and notice those bullying incidents, burn outs, sadness and also feel so much joy from someone elses joy (for example when a person who has struggled succeeds or finds faith in themselves) and can tune in (and understand throught that as well as through constantly working with our own emotional world) many of us have gone into care work of some kind or work as counsellors, support workers, teachers, day care nurses. The problem in this modern world however is that so much of the work out there is pushed to its limit. There is chaos, crowds, too many individuals to look after, people turn into cold cut paper work (and working with that as the base hurts too- no one is a document !). There are demands, pace, preassure to constantly worry about not doing things according to protocol, being sued for trying our best, being told that we care too much- when we absorb like a sponge but also know that a caring heart and ear is needed (we can not turn our back). We have to zone out in order to not burn out (and fall over board), but when we do our clients did not have our full attention or care. We feel inadequate in a job that should be our calling.
In our day to day lives there are several things that are simply unavoidable, noises will come, sad tunes will throw us on a roller coaster (but so can happy music too ! <3), we will find ourselves in crowded stressful places, there will be time-frames to meet, cats that have to be lifted on the table (resonlvement of disputes), there will be arguments and intensity (hopefully not too often). We will cry to Celine Dion, stamp on a twig in the forrest and hear it break- burst into tears- hold it in, get warm and tense, release and feel thankful for that smiling lady on the bus or the leaf that sailed on the water so peacefully (unless we are struck by panic as we worry that it sinks..life is though).
Our world is vivid and our walls of protection are thin. The sensitivity can not be stopped- but, there are ways to easen the blow. A good nights sleep and healthy level of blood sugar values makes us stronger. We can prepare escape routes to "quite zones" if we are heading to a concert (if we really really want to go) or if possible avoid the underground (or other crowded transport) whe taking ourselves to where we need to be- this way arriving to our destination happier and less tense.
We can prepare our mind and emotions for possible outcomes for example when we are about to have a serious talk with someone. Seeing the positive helps to ease the anxiety and makes the world a brighter place. It also helps when then having that conversation- we know what to say and we can find and show understanding and stay calm- even though feeling the physical intensity of the emotional pain- breakups are never easy.
During the though times we can (or at least it helps me) do the following; Take 5 minutes of time to calm yourself, do not feel embarrased of needing to take this time. Wear comfortable clothes (because why not ?), drink water. Breathing exercises. Tea. Fresh Air. Massage the intense spots above your ears. Find sources of happines and tune in with those. It is strange how 'just that' sometimes works like magic (even though it often only is temporary until a wave of tension hits again- but keep on doing it).
Afterwards remember to take time for yourself- an entire day or a half if you can. If your emotions due to a dispute or argument have caused a running horse or snowball thoughts with one thing rolling over to the next- work it through. Write. Make sense of it all and make nectar out of your pain. And remember that the physical pain, nausea, heatwaves and sometimes tension stay in you as an aftershock (even though you've mentally worked things through and are fine with it all). Do not worry- it will let go eventually. Focus on other things. Avoid stressors while still feeling weak or in pain like social media for the time beeing (put the phone away and stop looking for answers based on someone elses activity) Separate yourself. Save your energy (but remember that we all can fall into the gaps). Rest, Sleep and Eat. Exercise, preferably in a calm environment like the forrest or by the water (even though I know how we all feel about some kick ass music when we want to release tension.. but be careful with this.. will it stress you more ?)
Take care of yourself- Tune in towards you (and reasons for happiness).
So yes, the world is filled with cryptonite for someone being sensitive. The world we live in today (or has it really ever ?) is not made for a person who momentarily finds it hard to cope, is startled to the break of tears by noise and unexpected shakes (especially when tired or already feeling hurt/overloaded) and feels uncomfortable in crowds and stress. Oh the London gold mine. Emotionally triggering images on Social media or Whatsapp and ghosting do not make it simpler.. blue ticks and snowballing thoughts of what when wrong (why and are they/we okey?)
But we are not hopeless, and life is not only a minefield. As we can tune in with the world around us we can experience life to the fullest (the vibration of every leaf, every smile, every bird singing for the spring, every ray of light) We can tune in with others and really "be there" as long as were not struggeling with our tune being in all other places at that moment. We can empathise. And even though we can get quite intense- we are not affraid to face ourselves, and as soon as we start to learn about it, to understand and take care of it- we can become good partners an understanding shoulder. At least that is what I like to think.
Many highly sensitive people are creatives, there are many musicians and lyric writes.
We can express emotion.
We notice things in people that others do not necessarily see, this making us good at pre-estimating outcomes. Helps when working with people or functioning in a group of friends.
We can relate to those with autism (who are often feeling overstimulated by stressors no one else seems to react on).
We are strong as we get back up and out there, every day. The normal situations to others can become our boxing match. Due to the strenght we have to put in- it really does feel like we could walk through fire if we had too (and due to empathy we would always do this for someone we cared for). We are strong- even though we cry and "zone out". We push on. We want to feel happiness and make this world a kinder place.
If you cry at the movies- we will most likely join you (or at least hand you a tissue.. or our shirt).
As highly sensitive people (as any) we have to remember that the world does not turn for us, we also have to remember that just because we feel something- it doesn´t mean that it was that bad or that the person who caused the pain within us meant to harm us. We are sensitive- that is the truth.
There are ofcourse moments and actions that are harmful behaviour- and the trick is to navigate. this is where the thinking helps and so do friends (outsiders) insights. Rationalise. As we are proun to fall into circles of abuse (with so often feeling emotional pain in our everyday lives it is hard to tell when the tension is out of the ordinary and due to tuning in, empathising and always trying to find understanding) we can also carry some trauma and ptsd. Navigate and get your facts straight. Know what's what.
As a conclusion I wanted to write something about have our close ones can support us (every person has different needs so this is really not due to us being so special- just another type of a human bean).
- Show understanding
- let us take our time
- Do not push us into things we feel uncomfortable with/situations we can not protect ourselves in.
As in all relationship argument will come- we all can say the wrong thing and we all can cause and reaction and react. We are only two clumbsy souls trying our best to balance our way in this world and among the people we care about. Be honest about actions or jokes you find hurtful. Do not sugar coat it to make someone else momentarily happy (goes for both parts in the relation) do not leave space for tension to build up. Communicate.
To read a poem of mine about beeing an highly sensitive state;
Dear Anxiety
There are many different things that a Highly Sensitive Person (about 15 % of the population) can find as their cryptonite..or in less Marvel words- stressors. There are noises (sometimes a single tune from a melody that just at that moment hit the right spot), crowds, chaos, thight spaces- crowds and noise and chaos in thight spaces (not be able to "get away"), strickt time-frames (own pace is important- but all in moderation), hostile vibes, hurtful behaviour from those who should love us/protect us, cruelness (more on our sometimes unpreportionated reaction and others unawareness later), walking on egg shells, someone not liking us, someone not liking someone else, office bullying, mean words by a stranger on the street- the startled face of the person receiving those words (we can sense the hit and I find myself often trying to gain eye contact with that person making sure they are okey and know that they are not alone). Sadness, Arguments. We can feel the tension and the tension stays with us. We tune in with the sounds and emotions around us. I literally feel like spongebob.
When my sensors are overloaded my head reaches the "brinch of anxiety" that is -the feeling of an iron thread beeing twisted and turned between my ears, I fall into tears. This twisting and turning is painful. But it is a wave I have to ride right through. As I lived with myself some time now I´ve learned to Zone-out in order to not reach this point of sensory overload. If a 5 minute quite space is nowhere to be found I basically just stare into the air infront of me (or panic- not recommended). People often asking me- are you okey ? I do this (intentionally or sometimes on cue) at parties, at work (especially when I worked in the busy care sector) and when out in the busy city.
When I zone-out or still have the buzz of a sensory overload I find it hard to listen. If a friend is telling me about their day I want too but I can not concentrate- I am aware of this, often feel bad and want to ask them questions so that they feel heard (but it is difficult if you can not grasp or remember what was said) I see the disappointment in their face sometimes-and I can go on hours thinking about me beeing so rude towards them and how they now must be feeling- the empty feeling I caused during the conversation. I can feel it too, it echoes. Guilt is a common feeling- we do not want to cause pain. You can read more about this in my blog post Listen.
As we can sense feelings and notice those bullying incidents, burn outs, sadness and also feel so much joy from someone elses joy (for example when a person who has struggled succeeds or finds faith in themselves) and can tune in (and understand throught that as well as through constantly working with our own emotional world) many of us have gone into care work of some kind or work as counsellors, support workers, teachers, day care nurses. The problem in this modern world however is that so much of the work out there is pushed to its limit. There is chaos, crowds, too many individuals to look after, people turn into cold cut paper work (and working with that as the base hurts too- no one is a document !). There are demands, pace, preassure to constantly worry about not doing things according to protocol, being sued for trying our best, being told that we care too much- when we absorb like a sponge but also know that a caring heart and ear is needed (we can not turn our back). We have to zone out in order to not burn out (and fall over board), but when we do our clients did not have our full attention or care. We feel inadequate in a job that should be our calling.
In our day to day lives there are several things that are simply unavoidable, noises will come, sad tunes will throw us on a roller coaster (but so can happy music too ! <3), we will find ourselves in crowded stressful places, there will be time-frames to meet, cats that have to be lifted on the table (resonlvement of disputes), there will be arguments and intensity (hopefully not too often). We will cry to Celine Dion, stamp on a twig in the forrest and hear it break- burst into tears- hold it in, get warm and tense, release and feel thankful for that smiling lady on the bus or the leaf that sailed on the water so peacefully (unless we are struck by panic as we worry that it sinks..life is though).
Our world is vivid and our walls of protection are thin. The sensitivity can not be stopped- but, there are ways to easen the blow. A good nights sleep and healthy level of blood sugar values makes us stronger. We can prepare escape routes to "quite zones" if we are heading to a concert (if we really really want to go) or if possible avoid the underground (or other crowded transport) whe taking ourselves to where we need to be- this way arriving to our destination happier and less tense.
We can prepare our mind and emotions for possible outcomes for example when we are about to have a serious talk with someone. Seeing the positive helps to ease the anxiety and makes the world a brighter place. It also helps when then having that conversation- we know what to say and we can find and show understanding and stay calm- even though feeling the physical intensity of the emotional pain- breakups are never easy.
During the though times we can (or at least it helps me) do the following; Take 5 minutes of time to calm yourself, do not feel embarrased of needing to take this time. Wear comfortable clothes (because why not ?), drink water. Breathing exercises. Tea. Fresh Air. Massage the intense spots above your ears. Find sources of happines and tune in with those. It is strange how 'just that' sometimes works like magic (even though it often only is temporary until a wave of tension hits again- but keep on doing it).
Afterwards remember to take time for yourself- an entire day or a half if you can. If your emotions due to a dispute or argument have caused a running horse or snowball thoughts with one thing rolling over to the next- work it through. Write. Make sense of it all and make nectar out of your pain. And remember that the physical pain, nausea, heatwaves and sometimes tension stay in you as an aftershock (even though you've mentally worked things through and are fine with it all). Do not worry- it will let go eventually. Focus on other things. Avoid stressors while still feeling weak or in pain like social media for the time beeing (put the phone away and stop looking for answers based on someone elses activity) Separate yourself. Save your energy (but remember that we all can fall into the gaps). Rest, Sleep and Eat. Exercise, preferably in a calm environment like the forrest or by the water (even though I know how we all feel about some kick ass music when we want to release tension.. but be careful with this.. will it stress you more ?)
Take care of yourself- Tune in towards you (and reasons for happiness).
So yes, the world is filled with cryptonite for someone being sensitive. The world we live in today (or has it really ever ?) is not made for a person who momentarily finds it hard to cope, is startled to the break of tears by noise and unexpected shakes (especially when tired or already feeling hurt/overloaded) and feels uncomfortable in crowds and stress. Oh the London gold mine. Emotionally triggering images on Social media or Whatsapp and ghosting do not make it simpler.. blue ticks and snowballing thoughts of what when wrong (why and are they/we okey?)
But we are not hopeless, and life is not only a minefield. As we can tune in with the world around us we can experience life to the fullest (the vibration of every leaf, every smile, every bird singing for the spring, every ray of light) We can tune in with others and really "be there" as long as were not struggeling with our tune being in all other places at that moment. We can empathise. And even though we can get quite intense- we are not affraid to face ourselves, and as soon as we start to learn about it, to understand and take care of it- we can become good partners an understanding shoulder. At least that is what I like to think.
Many highly sensitive people are creatives, there are many musicians and lyric writes.
We can express emotion.
We notice things in people that others do not necessarily see, this making us good at pre-estimating outcomes. Helps when working with people or functioning in a group of friends.
We can relate to those with autism (who are often feeling overstimulated by stressors no one else seems to react on).
We are strong as we get back up and out there, every day. The normal situations to others can become our boxing match. Due to the strenght we have to put in- it really does feel like we could walk through fire if we had too (and due to empathy we would always do this for someone we cared for). We are strong- even though we cry and "zone out". We push on. We want to feel happiness and make this world a kinder place.
If you cry at the movies- we will most likely join you (or at least hand you a tissue.. or our shirt).
As highly sensitive people (as any) we have to remember that the world does not turn for us, we also have to remember that just because we feel something- it doesn´t mean that it was that bad or that the person who caused the pain within us meant to harm us. We are sensitive- that is the truth.
There are ofcourse moments and actions that are harmful behaviour- and the trick is to navigate. this is where the thinking helps and so do friends (outsiders) insights. Rationalise. As we are proun to fall into circles of abuse (with so often feeling emotional pain in our everyday lives it is hard to tell when the tension is out of the ordinary and due to tuning in, empathising and always trying to find understanding) we can also carry some trauma and ptsd. Navigate and get your facts straight. Know what's what.
As a conclusion I wanted to write something about have our close ones can support us (every person has different needs so this is really not due to us being so special- just another type of a human bean).
- Show understanding
- let us take our time
- Do not push us into things we feel uncomfortable with/situations we can not protect ourselves in.
As in all relationship argument will come- we all can say the wrong thing and we all can cause and reaction and react. We are only two clumbsy souls trying our best to balance our way in this world and among the people we care about. Be honest about actions or jokes you find hurtful. Do not sugar coat it to make someone else momentarily happy (goes for both parts in the relation) do not leave space for tension to build up. Communicate.
To read a poem of mine about beeing an highly sensitive state;
Dear Anxiety
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