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Sensory overload- group discussions and staying on the loop


I decided to try and clear my thoughts on the reason why I at times can not seem to give an answer to a question handed to a group I am part of (think planning a school presentation in the past, practical tasks, quiz-night)

This probably has something to do with me becoming overwhelmed (inside my head mostly) by noises and chaos. Or the obstacle when trying to converse in a foreign yet fluent language. But it is more than that- you see I sometimes struggle to understand. I can not put the sentences together, they are coming out of all directions around me, and by the time the question has been read out once- I have already forgotten it- Or, struggled to understand it all together. I need time to think. Paint a picture in my head. This does not take many seconds..well depending on the length of it all.. but those second, or minutes always need to be re-kindled (re-started) if something (noise, chaos and general hurry) comes and blocs the way.

I am however (somewhat) good at doing my part, the problem is catching on what it is that I am supposed to do. Sitting in a group planning, juggling ideas, trying to understand the ideas and catch the red thread that is flying across the room..oh boy.. disconnected is the look on my face.. the truth though is that I am doing turbo-jumps and detective work inside my head.. to understand the first bit and the second.. that would lead us to the end..but my overworking ninjas made me miss out on what you said.
 Sometimes I am really worried that back then I seemed like a bad team-mate, and friend. Like I did not appreciate (listen to) the hard inputted effort others were rolling in.

I will from now on, be honest and ask if I can catch my thoughts on the presented ideas. Ask to have the question repeated (and re-explained with examples) if needed- I will accept who I am. There is nothing wrong with giving yourself a hand. And if you who are reading has ever felt the same, You are not dumb, just more sensitive than some. 

Most of us have something that others may not see, and in my clever, comical and at times witty  tin can, runs my anxiety. 

Lastly, we get to.. drum roll.. social awkwardness. Because who can successfully take part in a conversation (or have a related input) when your brain is to slow to keep track of what is being said ? Now usually in a social situation you can not- at least according to social ethic- grab a notebook and ask everyone to slow down and repeat. Even if you really want to be able to take part in what is being said. So what do you do ? I usually; listen, stare, try to read off facial expressions, smile, nod.. and then laugh about 5 seconds after everyone else.. mission completed.

I wish I wasn't that girl with the awkward smile all day. I wish my mind would (more often) allow me something clever to say. 

But if you recognize yourself to be in the same boat as me, learn to accept your awkward momentarily ways. Self-love and support tools are needed, and so is sleep, vitamins and water too, help to keep that tin can awake for times when it needs to be used. 

And even if it might take some time to sink in.
Your Sensitivity and self-awareness is the key to kindness in the fast paced world we are living in.



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