Skip to main content

Missing the hugs of mother nature


The last days I have been feeling a bit down, restless, but without energy to apparently do much about it, and somehow stuck, I have tried to convince myself that it is probably that dear PMS that is rocking my world again, but I do not know, I think it is something else too.

Maybe I am feeling home sick? I thought about that too, all those people, and all that what I am used to, our little cultural things, the humor, the duck-pond that is like nowhere else..

.... And yes, I miss that, but that has been my life for so long, and for many parts, at least when it comes to the study life I have gotten older, old.. and so many of my fellow previous graduate friends back there are spread out, physically and calendar wise, and in a lot of ways I knew that for a long time I had needed something new in my life, and I still do,
so I am happy to be here, lucky, which I remind myself of even during days like these.

So homesick, yes, but there is another, bigger, yet more subtle element to it, something I can feel in my bones that is causing this restlessness and feeling of being stuck. The longing to always be close nature, and I do not mean parks or man made beaches;

The quiet, the small places, the secluded, the water, the sea, the pine-trees and birch growing over a moss covered rock, embraced by the small waves, the quiet following of the birds, the freedom to take of your rain-boots, the dipping of the toes in any weather and the pine-cones that now float beneath your feat.
    .... Where I have lived, where I have been brought up, there has always been water, there has always been the sea. I know it sounds ridiculous, considering that even now it is only a bus-ride away, but here the sea is further, I can not run to catch my breath somewhere close to mother nature, this campus is like a brick of monopoly, big,  quite squared and wherever you turn it all looks the same. I miss the small paths where the beginning does not show the end right away.

I realize how lucky I am to have been brought up somewhere so far out there, And even then in that city, the nature is still always so close.

I miss home, I miss the air, I miss the sound of nature in my ear, I am not a big city girl and I will never be, but for now let us see where this world will take me.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

An intuitive journey back to my solo travels

For the past few years I have had a fallback in writing. A lack of inspiration and a feeling that I had already written about "it all", or the things I really wanted to say at least. Perhaps it is the SSRI medication that for the past 4 years have been numbing (in a good way) my anxiety- but also keeping my head away from mind loops, or perhaps I just got to the end of it- let out all the biggest of Roars.  But, whatever it is that has made me write less, I will make sure to not stop completely. I do enjoy this too after all, it is not only an outlet for something anxious, it was always supposed to be more than that. Something to lift spirits, bright up days, encourage others to live (or continue too) live their best and most for-filling lives. So, I decided to go through my solo travels, one by one. Because what might not have been obvious through these text through the years (that is- mainly from the summer of 2016 forwards), is that I went on adventures, on my own (mostly)...

Shine on bright (about mistakes, self-doubt, kindness and curiosity)

Live with all your heart,  and never feel ashamed for trying every mistake, has a silver lining be grateful for all that you may learn Life is too short to doubt every move, every turn Listen, and never be ashamed of being true Stay curious, humble, and always be you respect yourself and those around you,  - thank them for their honesty too Life is meant for living, so never dim your light Pause in your steps,  breathe and shine on bright. 

Unhinged

Forgive yourself, lets start with that.  Anxiety can (and will) at times make us act all out of whack I used to pray; do not do this to me again.  Whatever you do- do not let me stumble off towards the edge. But you will stumble, that is a fact, so forgive yourself for falling way off track.  Find those around you who agree to communicate- not say what they do not mean and then leave the truth unsaid-causing you to sprint towards the edge. The edge gave you answers, truths that were left unsaid. It extinguished the feeling of hopelessness.  The what ifs, whys and fear of losing the shots you do not take, the ticking construct of the little time that is left.  Tick-tock, knock-knock and you find yourself unhinged.  Tick-tock, knock-knock you realize the spin.  Tick-tock, knock-knock, mortification creeping in.  Deep breaths darling You are not mad Deep breaths darling The right people will want to understand Deep breaths darling I will hold your ha...