Skip to main content

Holding on to Doubt


When dealt with so many downfalls in the past it is easy for us to take on the shield of doubt for everything new that comes along. I know that worry, the armor, way to well. Talking with a girlfriend of mine, who has been out there far longer, searching, putting herself out there, listened and then been taken along for the dance, made me once again realize how common this feeling tends to be.

He went a bit silent, and your'e sure that sooner or later a message will show up "There's something I have to tell you...."
He said something nice, and there you are preparing yourself for "Listen, This/You have been great but..." 
Everything goes well, maybe a bit too well, and all you can think of is " I'm sure something heartbreaking will happen soon".
For all we know they could suddenly disappear, and what he actually was up too, we would never get to hear from him. 

We lost our naivety but picked up something bound to protect us, sometimes I wonder how much it really helps us, and how much it actually causes pain. Is there a chance that we are missing out on  the happiness of everything good, when concentrating on the expected bad ?

When hoping for the best and preparing for the worst (a life surviving tool I for sure have internalized), are we sometimes in the risk of just preparing ?

I guess what I am trying to say is, We should not be afraid to give it a little more belief, at least when everything seems to point into a good direction. Open up your heart to all the love, It might get you stricken, but holding up your armor so high, could lead you to mistaken a marshmallow camping stick, for a blade that is coming right at you smoothly but quick.


Lower your shield, but approach with care, be present in the moment with all that is there.



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

An intuitive journey back to my solo travels

For the past few years I have had a fallback in writing. A lack of inspiration and a feeling that I had already written about "it all", or the things I really wanted to say at least. Perhaps it is the SSRI medication that for the past 4 years have been numbing (in a good way) my anxiety- but also keeping my head away from mind loops, or perhaps I just got to the end of it- let out all the biggest of Roars.  But, whatever it is that has made me write less, I will make sure to not stop completely. I do enjoy this too after all, it is not only an outlet for something anxious, it was always supposed to be more than that. Something to lift spirits, bright up days, encourage others to live (or continue too) live their best and most for-filling lives. So, I decided to go through my solo travels, one by one. Because what might not have been obvious through these text through the years (that is- mainly from the summer of 2016 forwards), is that I went on adventures, on my own (mostly)...

Shine on bright (about mistakes, self-doubt, kindness and curiosity)

Live with all your heart,  and never feel ashamed for trying every mistake, has a silver lining be grateful for all that you may learn Life is too short to doubt every move, every turn Listen, and never be ashamed of being true Stay curious, humble, and always be you respect yourself and those around you,  - thank them for their honesty too Life is meant for living, so never dim your light Pause in your steps,  breathe and shine on bright. 

Unhinged

Forgive yourself, lets start with that.  Anxiety can (and will) at times make us act all out of whack I used to pray; do not do this to me again.  Whatever you do- do not let me stumble off towards the edge. But you will stumble, that is a fact, so forgive yourself for falling way off track.  Find those around you who agree to communicate- not say what they do not mean and then leave the truth unsaid-causing you to sprint towards the edge. The edge gave you answers, truths that were left unsaid. It extinguished the feeling of hopelessness.  The what ifs, whys and fear of losing the shots you do not take, the ticking construct of the little time that is left.  Tick-tock, knock-knock and you find yourself unhinged.  Tick-tock, knock-knock you realize the spin.  Tick-tock, knock-knock, mortification creeping in.  Deep breaths darling You are not mad Deep breaths darling The right people will want to understand Deep breaths darling I will hold your ha...