Roar in the Afterglow

I am writing this from a lovely (but slightly chaotic at the moment) cafe just around the corner from where I live. The jazz is quite distractive but mixed with the cold September weather outside it can not help but to put a smile on my face. An older man sitting next to me tells me about a leg injury he got from martial arts and that he now, several years later, will receive treatment for it, as well as how life, if you allow to see it that way- is beautiful.. and that karma is not a bitch, only if you stir it up yourself. There are owl ornaments on the wall as well as a few guitars, and the Turkish family that own the cafe are having broccoli on the table next to me.  Anyway...  let me get back to what I had on my mind for today..I wanted to write about Letting go of the fear of being rejected . Lately I haven not been able to go out for drinks, or to clubs or any of those other scenarios where you might meet someone (whether clubs and Saturday nights are really the rig...

I wanted to write down something about self perception. How our looks, physical strength and the way we sound and come across to others, affect the way we see ourselves, how we feel about ourselves. My mission here was not to write about the make-up on our face or that eye catching dress we could wear. But rather the people...humans we are. The ones we will always be. For a long time I had quite a low confidence. That low confidence came from how I perceived myself, and I still struggle with that from time to time. You see I knew I was small, short, clumsy, sometimes a bit chubby (boys nickname for me in Pre-school was Christmas ham) and later just small as a twig. I had struggles in finding that voice inside, and when I did I was afraid that that voice was too big- not suitable to this body of mine. I was afraid of being too loud.. too annoying.. I became quiet...awkward... and at moments invisible trying to keep the awkwardness away from daylight. Sometimes it sprang...