Skip to main content

What do I want ?


He asked me what I want, so here it is;

I want giggles, maybe on a rooftop. Because out in the open with the stars right above me I can breathe. I want a sudden Irish pub, a band, my excitement- from my heart to my feet.

I want that cheers and long nights, unforgettable moments, that are shared with friends. I want you right there beside me, time and time again.

I want a spontanious coffee or a street-food stroll. I want comedy night or a song that without walking into that place- that exact time- neither of us would have ever known.

I want to know you- you in real life, outside four consistent walls. I want to explore this life with you, without you, find the ground for my feet.The one big thing here is, that I never again want to miss a beat.

Take away, Netflix, convinient hours and chill- a protentious dinner at an uncomfortably protentious restaurant is not my thing. I need true effort, on a personal level- then and only then will my heart and mind truly say ´pling´.

I need you to make that time, I need to know that I'm more than just a girl you see once in a while. Find out what makes me smile.

Respond when I text- don't leave it till next week. even if you wouldn't know all you wanted to say- say something, don't leave me hanging. it's poison, that's another thing. Anxiety of the unknown- with that I'm struggeling. It hurts even before I met you- it´s an expected torture, for once be the guy who communicates fully. Just saying.

I wish you would ask me to tell you when I got home safely. I always wonder that about you. And reply when I tell you that I made it home too. Hold my hand when crossing the road, and do it safely- I'm scared of cars and traffic, slightly blind too. This little gesture helps me trust in you.

I don't want flowers, a song or box of chocolate or corny movie nights. That said I wouldn't argue against it- once it could be just right.

But what I truly want is time and effort, no matter how busy you are- even the smallest spontanious gesture could take it far. Pop into the pub when Im on shift- as a surprise, that runs in my daydream movie. Most likely the scene happens when I'm feeling quite gloomy.

Show me that your'e not affraid, put just as much down on our plate. Don't kiss me before you mean it and spare your sweet words. Show me that your'e here as a friend, not as a potential 3 month fling buffet splurge.

I want to dance with you- even when were not moving. I want to get to know you in  this world- and who knows, maybe one day through these adventures a mutual story could start blooming.

This is what I want; time and effort, friendsship and care. Spiced with life's rythms and a man who is there.




Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Are you not lonely ? (and my stay in a small bothy at the Isle of Canna)

Loneliness for me is a common feeling while travelling solo, don't think (when you are following my adventures on social media) that I am immune to it. I like the solitude at times, and it builds a stronger relationship with myself, to do this on my own that is, but I often wish I had found my companion.  I keep turning every rock, stair into wells to see a reflection next to me, stay open minded and socialise at home. I wander to all corners of the world, I am on all the apps- talk to locals. I am not shy. But so far he has not been found. I have (in moments of hilarious lighthearted desperation) even tried to go back in time Outlander style, if he is not in 2024, maybe in 1878. Perhaps a man from the Bridgerton era. Times are tough, and there are not plenty of available healthy mature fish in the sea, perhaps an old tire, but fish- well most of them have been caught by now, or they were let back into the sea for a reason. The trash never even made it to shore, people do not want ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Little Sparrow (about self perception)

I wanted to write down something about self perception. How our looks, physical strength and the way we sound and come across to others, affect the way we see ourselves, how we feel about ourselves. My mission here was not to write about the make-up on our face or that eye catching dress we could wear. But rather the people...humans we are. The ones we will always be. For a long time I had quite a low confidence. That low confidence came from how I perceived myself, and I still struggle with that from time to time. You see I knew I was small, short, clumsy, sometimes a bit chubby (boys nickname for me in Pre-school was Christmas ham) and later just small as a twig. I had struggles in finding that voice inside, and when I did I was afraid that that voice was too big- not suitable to this body of mine. I was afraid of being too loud.. too annoying.. I became quiet...awkward... and at moments invisible trying to keep the awkwardness away from daylight. Sometimes it sprang...
Post a Comment
Read more

To learn to see all of you with new eyes (self perception after leaving an abusive relationship)

I am sitting here on the floor with a cup of tea in my hands, wiggling my toes. The mirror is right in front om me and my newly washed hair makes me look like a natural Aretha Franklin or a very fluffy Chewbacca, both probably equally as cute. It feels quite nice to be able to sit here with myself like this, to just be here, here with me. For a long time I could not. I avoided mirrors, I could not look into her eyes.  The humiliation had made me vulnerable, I felt ashamed, did not want to see her, me, and I also avoided facing the truth, the pain I knew I could see in my eyes. I want to explain what I meant by "Thank You for Humiliating me, for I have learned to see my own beauty" in my post Thank You . As I told before, he pushed me into things I did not want to do. As the years went by I fell into silence I stopped having an own opinion or to say it out loud. I accepted that this was the only kind of closeness that I would get, so though it hurt that he treated me tha...
Post a Comment
Read more