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A walk in the dark


They say that long distance relationships do rarely last and are hard to maintain, and yes, it is difficult holding on the the flame and keeping your weekly date-nights solely over a Skype-call with a 7 hour time difference and a virtual tour of the Louvre or Tate modern (whenever a shared game of disco glitter battleship, discussing Chump or talking about the containment of your laundry basket seems too casual). I am also almost certain that those same dating guidance rules do not (at least actively) recommend getting struck and divided for an indefinite period of time by a global pandemic. I miss you there across the Atlantic.

A lot of things feel unknown, like when can we get back to normal, what will the new normal be ? Will we be allowed to live in the same country ? A whole plan of marriage, visa, work-opportunities, children and a house to grow old in has been put on hold over night. Luckily this waiting game is not new, and being apart is just simply something we now continue to do. We made a decision 7 months ago that we both believed and now know to have been for the best, we wanted to build up a strong and healthy base for our future that we both still see laying ahead. Sometimes when building a team you have to, out of love, set each-other free. Him back home getting the medical checks and support from family that he needs, and me re-building my life here- stress and worry free. Holding our fort together as we speak. 

But this fort of ours is much more then the apartment walls you see, it is more then daily skype-calls or more or less interesting talks about politics or unmade laundry.  

It is grown from the pieces found while hiking on our feet, climbing mountains, crossing railroads at sunset and in the songs we sang to keep each-other company. It was built in the dark over pitch black moors, not knowing if our destination was right ahead of us or 5 hours more. With you, after all of our adventures (big and small; missed trains, getting slightly lost, my hyperventilation, scenic drives, a punctured wheel and more) I never feel afraid of uncertain times (like these) or ashamed of my anxiety- no matter the extent of time you always walk right beside of me. 
The mutual support, it really helps in all this uncertainty. 
Thank you for loving me

A part of me wishes I was there at the green-red and sheep covered hills again, before it got uncertain when darkness fell. I wish I was back there with you and without a care in the world. Life was wherever it took us and so was the world. But that is not where we are. We are walking through uncertainty- together, yet apart.
I look up and we see the same stars, 
Thank you for holding my hand in the dark. 




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