Skip to main content

As friends, as humans

I mentioned before what I am currently grateful of, and now I wanted to take you a bit deeper in to one of those things.

Dating (getting to know) men as friends. 

The main reason I do this is in order to find hope in men again, rise my standards for how men who I let into my life can behave- not lower them. 

- I will not rush into anything, but simply give time to get to know good and emotionally and socially mature human beings (* single men over the age of 30- but all good hearted contacts bring be hope in humanity). I want to get to know them and them to get to know me. I want genuine human connection, friendships. Not short sighted flings based on me giving in (putting out). I want relationships, friendships that will last regardless of our status. True friendship (and trust in that person) should not be valued any less even if a romantic relationship (or sex) does not turn out of it. 

- On top of that I want to give it time to get to know them (and build that trust). Men can think of other things too than sex or the possibility of it. Men can value me as a friend. Men can value my company and companionship. I am worth safe and respectful relationships- and those men- who can provide that (without sexual demands) do exist. 

- I also want to know what they are like, how they handle ups and downs in life- something that can only be revealed with time. Do they tell you when they are sad, do they manage their emotions when they are mad. Do they get mad ? Do they hold themselves accountable, is feedback or honesty something they can take ? Are they passive aggressive- or emotionally mature in every way ? Do they acknowledge you in a crowd and introduce you the their friends - or are they embarrassed of you and the relationship you've built with them ? Are they the same with you as with them ? Do they respect you at every life bend ?

- There is also that belief that I am only now learning to have been printed inside my head. I do not have to put out/make myself seem like a possible shag for men to want to be my close friend. I know that sounds sad- and it is a bit of an exaggeration. But yes- deep down there has been this feeling- that for them I am only company worth holding on too if I act promiscuous to get their attention. I am letting go of that part that was built on insecurity, distrust and fear. For every month that goes by (and I build these new friendships) I can see that fragile shadow disappear. 


I feel more powerful, and safer, and loved- because I am the one who chooses what they get from me. Possible opinions (of those men I meet) do not matter. I am finally free. 

It is not easy to find those who understand, but I respect my boundaries (and in the end- that is guiding and protecting me). So I keep on digging- for me and humanity. 



Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Go - Do it for You (about the fear of solo-travel, not about crossing the Serengeti)

Solo-travel and exploring on your own often seems to be something that's considered too big of  an hurdle, an  uncomfortable area we`d rather avoid. As wolves we are more comfortable in a pack. I used to think like this myself. The thing is however, that we often (as singles in a busy world) find ourselves alone when we would have the time for an adventure. Schedules don't fit.  - Then there's of-course the differences in interests as well, and as being without a partner no one is  "obligated" (please take with sarcasm :D) to go with you on your holiday to extraordinary locations and events.  But hey, that said; - what a perfect time for you to do exactly what you always dreamed of ! All I want to say is go for it.   Don't sit around waiting for "maybe another time" due to the fear, and I'm not talking about the fear of being scared that something might happen on the way (that doesn't seem to be the first thing that pops into
Post a Comment
Read more

Grandpas legacy

My grandpa passed away some years ago. For a long time during my teenage years and some into adulthood I felt light-years away from him, in our morals and teachings to follow. I was only looking at him like a priest, with his bible, a hungry need for being in the spotlight (he was a well liked radio host, preacher, author, playwright, ceremony holder, documentary film maker, pilgrim arranger, met the pope once- you name it). When I was feeling down at the age of 17 he wrote me a letter about watching more of TV7 (a local conservative evangelical christian channel), he told me it made his days brighter and that I should try it too. PS. He was not conservative, I think. We never talked much- not really. He had 3 grandchildren.  I do not think that he ever really knew me, and neither did I take my time to view him as a person behind the priesthood which he so often talked about . But when I look back on him now- as I found myself and stand supported, I can see past the job he had chosen (
Post a Comment
Read more

To all my busy friends, show up in my life too- it matters

I would run cartwheels right where I stood if you showed up at my doorstep, if you suddenly sat in the audience during my Indian dance or Improv theater performance.  I would remember it forever if you showed up at the airport to say goodbye for now or welcome back,  I would love for you to ask me where in the world I am at.  I would love for you to reach out to me and ask us to read the same book simultaneously and then meet over coffee to share our thoughts, It doesn't take much time out of your schedule or much effort of sorts, just a suggestion, a thought.  I would love to go out for a joint run or jog- maybe for once right here in my hood- you could use my studio apartments little one person shower,  My home, my little wonderful life- You know you are welcome here too.  Meet me in my life, see where I live and what I do, it might not be marriage and children, or a big suburban house with a yard, but it is me, your friend- still hanging on at the other end.  Someone who shows u
Post a Comment
Read more