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As friends, as humans


I mentioned before what I am currently grateful of, and now I wanted to take you a bit deeper in to one of those things.

Dating (getting to know) men as friends. 

The main reason I do this is in order to find hope in men again, rise my standards for how men who I let into my life can behave- not lower them. 

- I will not rush into anything, but simply give time to get to know good and emotionally and socially mature human beings (* single men over the age of 30- but all good-hearted contacts bring be hope in humanity). I want to get to know them and them to get to know me. I want genuine human connection, friendships. Not short sighted flings based on me giving in (putting out). I want relationships, friendships that will last regardless of our status. True friendship (and trust in that person) should not be valued any less even if a romantic relationship (or sex) does not turn out of it. 

- On top of that I want to give it time to get to know them (and build that trust). Men can think of other things too than sex or the possibility of it. Men can value me as a friend. Men can value my company and companionship. I am worth safe and respectful relationships- and those men- who can provide that (without sexual demands) do exist. 

- I also want to know what they are like, how they handle ups and downs in life- something that can only be revealed with time. Do they tell you when they are sad, do they manage their emotions when they are mad. Do they get mad ? Do they hold themselves accountable, is feedback or honesty something they can take ? Are they passive aggressive- or emotionally mature in every way ? Do they acknowledge you in a crowd and introduce you the their friends - or are they embarrassed of you and the relationship you've built with them ? Are they the same with you as with them ? Do they respect you at every life bend ?

- There is also that belief that I am only now learning to have been printed inside my head. I do not have to put out/make myself seem like a possible shag for men to want to be my close friend. I know that sounds sad- and it is a bit of an exaggeration. But yes- deep down there has been this feeling- that for them I am only company worth holding on too if I act promiscuous to get their attention. I am letting go of that part that was built on insecurity, distrust and fear. For every month that goes by (and I build these new friendships) I can see that fragile shadow disappear. 


I feel more powerful, and safer, and loved- because I am the one who chooses what they get from me. Possible opinions (of those men I meet) do not matter. I am finally free. 

It is not easy to find those who understand, but I respect my boundaries (and in the end- that is guiding and protecting me). So I keep on digging- for me and humanity. 



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