Remember those illustrated circles of holding hands, with different ethnicities and all kinds of flags, remember the schools teachings of UN children's convention- a right to be safe- and the hope it gave, "From now on they would all be treated the same."
If a pact was broken, the protector would never cave- like a lioness it would reach out and save its children (our children) from pain.
Instead, when needed, the courage is in hiding, and so are the doves of peace- they hide behind their leaves.
The words are visible, but where is the care, where is the lioness in all this despair ?
The west was supposed to be a creator of peace and safety, but here we are, digging a grave. Death toll is rising as we vote whether or not to intervene, Children are dying as they flee.
This is where my mind is at, it is a mess, all the trust I had for the big ones; our policies- a harbor of safety, it has left.
And what about our children in the west ? What are we teaching them at best ? That the world is divided from birth- were you are born dictates whether you are wanted on this earth. That it is okay to lie, to look away, to speak ill of others and still get applauded for what you have to say ? That violence is the answer and it should not be stopped- that empathy is a myth and others fear and pain is not a place for us to intervene ?
I feel guilt for being privileged enough to complain, to just watch from the sidelines as the world I thought we had built crumples away. I feel spoiled for just having mild depression, guilt for not standing with a poster in the snow, despite my cold, and then shame for realizing that this is my privileged surrounding. my problems are so small.
I could write about some pain in my safe and sound life, I could write about love and being left behind. I could write about my new found struggle-sum career, and how to stay relevant even when you feel like you (and your knowledge) might slowly disappear, I could give advice on friendships, how to nourish and how to let them go. I could write about being grateful for the things that I know.
But all of this seems pointless (and selfish) right now, there are far bigger things that millions of people are worried about. And lets not forget about before, there has always been violence, hunger, war and pain- evil to a much bigger magnitude than any of us could ever comprehend and explain. yet, here in the west, we keep living the same; make-up, diets, fashion, food-hype, selfies on apps, podcast and a desperate need for fame- like getting likes equals the oxygen we need to sustain. Why has the world we all share become this way ?
I feel like I want to write, but a "teaching moment" for a reader does not seem right- I do not feel like giving open advice on subjects so meaningless in the grand scale of current life,
Floating thoughts and pick-me-ups (no matter how vague they may seem) are for now all I can say, they keep me from drowning and being pushed beneath the stormy waves.
- I am learning to finally love my body and its age, I accepted the bloating tummy, I dress for my body- my body isn't pushed to fit in to its former (or fantasy) frame.
- I only accept friends around me who love me the same, friendship should be honest and real- not a social media game.
- I am reading every book on my shelf, and calling myself up on my scrolling addiction if it gets in the way. I recognize the pattern before it derails.
- I do not give up on my career in books and publishing, despite rough economical times, inflation will pass, at the latest by 2025. I am signing up to classes, deciding to thrive,
- I am allowing myself to be a mess, to feel numb, to cry- if there are days that I feel lost, that is alright. I am taking it one day at a time.
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