25

I am sitting at a cafe in a small town as the end of this trip I made in a country where I have never been before. I turned 25 this weekend and it has lead me to think about getting older, I mean I am halfway to fifty and one quarter of my way to a 100 has now passed by (thanks grandma for pointing that out in the card..) but in a way that is a relief. I mean life has only started. But even though there is so much time ahead you start to think of the big ones, when does it all come together, when do you find them ? I mean 30 the ”you should have it all figured out” age is getting closer, And for a long time I thought that its the age of 27 that I will get married (do not ask why, it was just a number that sounded good to my ear..) but here I am, 2 years until that and I am sitting alone, went to sleep alone at my hostel, with this only roommate of mine, an older man in his 60`s snoring more loudly than all the 7 dwarfs combined. Well, it is not all that bad, no really, I had a fun weekend in Amsterdam with my friend and at the same time I found a place I someday might want to move to, Amsterdam (even with her considered cons) stole my heart. 

As I spent my last day there alone (doing some much needed vintage shopping) I saw so many couples, walking down by the dames together, holding hands. I felt lonely again,. And even though I have it good and understand that all this self searching, the adventure which helps you build up a stronger you, to become the person you would have needed when you where younger, is what is needed for all other things to fall into place, I missed having that someone there. To hold my hand, and even though I am not a hand holder, and would probably try to shake him off, sometimes that is what you need and wish for.

I have friends who found theirs, some of them about to take that next step, call me crazy but I sometimes think of that day I someday might have with someone, what it would be like, my thoughts get there easily the older I get. But time has also helped me see all of it in a new light, to remember the things that matter. I day-dream of a day on the beach or in a park, water, maybe the sea. I might not wear any shoes since I want to feel that I am there. There would be colorful lanterns hanging from the branches of the trees. Bright colorful flowers everywhere, even in my hair and ”The Meeting” by John Powell playing in the background.. Yes, you can smite me now for letting myself dream about this… but the thoughts are there, and I think it is healthy to instead of running away from them, greet them with an open heart.

But love, to have someone that will hold your hand when you need it, and really mean it, someone you can trust with an open heart, that is what matters. And so we are back to finding yourself first.

So, there should be no hurry, I have seen how "that all that many of us so longingly wait for" can happen long after the age we expected, love will come, everything has its pace.

So keep on keeping on and through everyday one more piece falls into place