Why I walked away from an engagement ring at nearly 30 (or why I will not attach myself to commitment issues)

This is a post about what I deserve, and why I left an engagement ring behind at nearly 30 and how that decision was never made out of anger but out of love.

I am not afraid to learn and grow, neither within a relationship or on my own,

But relationship requires teamwork,

Capability to look beyond ourselves,

See our impact from the eyes of someone else,

For pain we cause we do not run or look away, we deal with it and listen to the words they have to say.

It is hard, I know, it is called growing pain.

Love is much more then a dance under the stars, 

it is measured when the growing pain starts, it will happen once in a while, 

But love grows stronger through empathetic communication, each and every time. 

We are all human, and have our ways effecting the ride. 

It is building trust that gets us through the tide.

I deserve a teammate beyond all else,

so without it I can let go of the milestone ”engaged before 30” that was ahead.

More important than getting hitched,

is having an emotionally strong partner and friend to do it with.

You see that love is for life, isn't it ?

Do not attach yourself to someone who is not committed to it. 

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It all starts with self-growth (as much as we know of), but once in a relationship, life (and our mind) continues beside someone else, intertwined with theirs. 

I am not afraid of struggles with a relationship, mental health journeys, ups and downs, and taking a good hard look at all the "ugly" whenever needed. By not being afraid to face the truth, and when both parts are willing to put in the work, you open up to the possibility of learning and growth within the relationship and towards one another. We should not dwell in the past but rather learn from it and build forward, become better and safer partners, that is- if we truly love each-other. It is in those moments, when a possibility for growth arises, that you get to see who is really up for a shared life with all its quirks and upcoming tides.

The pandemic sure has made long-distance difficult, especially if you throw in heaps of anxiety and your partners untreated severe ADD, time difference and communication difficulties. Yes, karma, skype it to me. 

A year or so before the break-up (and pre-pandemic), I separated myself from him by having him fly back home, both for him to find his place of stability and for me to work on myself, work I had brushed under the carpet- my life, my trauma, and all the anxious panics that I felt. I want it to rest and slowly heal/ be manageable, for those I love and myself. 

A humble step back for growth is just another way forward. 

Before you bring anyone else on board you need to understand yourself and how you effect others and work on it as much as you can, you need to love the world around you enough to want to take a clear look within yourself, you need to learn to trust that others will meet you half way. That they will respect and try to understand the roots to your behavior, quirks and possible pain- and that for them, you vow to do the same. 

You also need to learn that once you decide to bring in another person it is not only your ways, needs and emotions that come in to play. Another set of emotions, want and needs are coming in- are you ready for them to be set at your bay ? Are you ready for the love; the laughter, the shared dreams, the life, the occasional collides, the growing pain, the heart to heart and the shared lessons and growth towards one another that a partnership or friendship creates ? If your answer is yes, you are ready, this is how close lasting relationships are made. 

If the answer is no (or not really), that is okey, but sit back, take the time to yourself and wait. 

So let us get back to the "visa heist" engagement ring, the one that despite its purpose would have symbolized so much to me. An engagement at nearly 30, to someone you care about deeply, when all your friends on facebook are popping out babies left and right, you have survived a pandemic and you have planned your dream wedding to happen at 27 since you were 5. Your friend is suggesting that you freeze your eggs until a later time, clock is ticking.. but remember, it is your life, you decide ! Do not have babies (if any) before your time. Lots of pressure is rising up within me and coming from all sides. 

But the truth is that long before marriage comes the most important commitment of all, a stable relationship; teamwork, communication, active listening, acknowledgement of our own flaws and quirks that effect the relationship, empathy and taking responsibility to build trust whenever we hit a bump on the road. We take responsibility in maintaining and building on a relationship that is emotionally secure. 

If we can not commit to that then take a step back, 

I deserve the kind of love that can acknowledge that.