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An update


Well my head is really empty, but I really felt like I wanted to write something down, now that I finally am starting to get my energy back. I started a job with the best kind of title but soon it turned out that there was so much wrong. after it sucked up my life and left me with no routine, often wondering how long the next day would be. Leaving at 6 am and then staying there for up to 33 h, it was too much and not the kind of care with which I would agree. Carers need support and not to be asked Why, why are you tired, you know you get to have some rest, we dont count that shift as one sett? An empowering atmosphere is what staff needs, especially when taking care of those who are in need. But when so much of what is given is and has for a long time been a mess, and you still try to keep your head up high, work it through, hoping that maybe at some point it will clear up in your tired head. and then the response you get, is an angry and disappointed look and why haven't you done this part yet ?

Its not care staffs fault that your ship is sinking so fast, listen to their worries, have a civil answer to their concern, and remind them that you know how much they are worth, not in money, because care work shouldn't be a monopoly game, but as people who have committed into giving their lives to supporting around the clock and do this almost every day.

Well anyway, now soon a week I`ve been on my way to starting something new, it might pay me a little bit less, but if I can keep my head out of that kind of mess, have a routine, and time to for-fill some lost dreams, for now that is all I need. In a few months when I know some more, maybe there will open up a yet unknown door. But for now Im going to listen and learn, both through volunteering and tea infused chats, my housemates, who I am so lucky to have found, definitely give me hope and make me feel more sound. So be thankful for all the love that is around.

A few week ago a found a message from my ex, he had tried to reach out to me months ago, thought for a second that I want to reply, tell about my adventures, show him how im now doing more than fine. But I dont want to share my skyrockets with him, he doesnt deserve my time, and I found happiness when I left him behind. So no gate will open, and just like that I move on to the next thing on my mind.
 On another note my hair is a mess, I was supposed to go out but got stuck writing this text. But now I will get myself together and get my ass to dance class, Ive been postponing it for the past few days, It freezing and dark outside, and indoors I always have a cup of tea by my side. But now im seriously going to gather myself. Mom is flying here next week, Norah Jones and long walks awaits, Christmas markets and stand up comedy, I really do feel blessed.

I will write soon again, XX

-

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