28

Yes I decided to write one of these again (mostly just to get my writing back going). Also just realised that I skipped last years 27. 

About a year has passed since I stood (just like today) by the window in my living room- with something edible in my hand.. just as now (I´m quite sure). I was stressed about the present-the uncertainty- of how things may seem to others- and how that made me see me. Trial and error.. unknown pieces and where they would lead. Fear of taking a wrong step- or find myself standing at the same place.. 

.....sometimes a month or two of downtime or even "wrong choises" can seem like they define you- your future and cut away all that could of lied ahead.. but this is not the case...

What I am trying to say is to see the bigger picture- how much life can (and it does) change one year ahead. Take time to breathe and remember that even that wrong step or failure could in the end (how strange it might seem) lead you to the place where you wanted to be. 

So what has changed for me ? I guess the biggest thing has been finding love- or finding love in a friend. now a boyfriend, that person- friend, that I missed, thought about, waited for, and who I did not know if I had met yet- turns out I hadn't. And now I have- just one year ahead. 
On top of this there is a new language to learn (french), a new big and welcoming family to meet (in Canada) a new messenger group to be apart of, a baby (not mine, but i am a Finnish fun aunt now- or so I have been told), a whole lot to learn about Maple syrup and its usage (Sugar shacks to say the least), teaching my boyfriend Swedish (and slowly Finnish) who takes notes in his self composed grammatical book.. and soon a move to Helsinki (he fell in love with it after our visit). Yes- it all went that fast.  

We are moving after a new step in my career- that still is uncertain when nothing is signed- but hopefully will be there when I arrive, I am currently on hold- not taking on much else (so I´ve been told), I want to reach for this thing, be available for it all and for that I need to be flexible (pub work keeps me at float). Might fly to Helsinki for a short training soon and then work on remote- it is all a question of time (when?), and what my role before moving would entail. The longer this waiting takes (with all still up in the air) the more nervous it makes me- but even then- what happens happens- Either way I am yet again excited to see where I will be in a year *

When I entered a new career 1,5 years ago I was open to it being a rocky road. was willing to wait and take opportunities as they came..  gave it five years.. and before I knew it I had gained so much in just one year and if anything I continued learning that a life to be proud of  it is not all about the career. 

*A life in Finland, a job that occasionally takes me around the world (physically or Skype) or working in a library, a sustainable shop, a publisher of stories or fact, supporting today's children and youth, bring smiles - game changers (for the greater good or on a smaller scale) a run along the coast with for years missed out friends. Our own place filled with love and learning. Trips to Canada and closer to home. Either way there are adventures to come. 

Since we 2 months ago made the decision to take the leap- move together somewhere that is new to him but home to me, there has been a lot of bureaucracy to take in- and deal with where we can. I´ve acted as his personal search engine for migration information, companies and open positions- translated the non-Finnish but in Finnish advertised posts. Requirements and steps you need to take in order to apply for a visa..(chicken before egg but egg before chicken) and the time it takes.. I am nervous for each month- but so far things seem to be moving ahead. we do not want to get married just yet. 

On other notes..
I've been caught up- but mostly only in my slightly fuzzy head. Long pub nights at work tie me to the bed. I am not a morning person.. but to be honest some days I feel almost dead. But I love where I work so that´s a good thing- get to watch free comedy.
Another thing that has dragged my brain lately is all the backwards politics (p.s. please sign your country's climate emergency petition ! (💓) ) the trolls of the internet, (the growing hate) and the much scarier real life trolls that then take the power and use it for their own good and pocket. It is hard to stick around and raise a voice in this toxic atmosphere -But love will never go away-  you´ll see. More on my thought around the current world in a later post. 

London living (or is it just existing at this moment) is taking its toll on me- I barely get out to breathe- even though I am sure that there is still so much left to see- but grey streets with all the trash in the wind - that zoo box feeling is stopping me-  Even the flower branches and cute cafes aren't (anymore) motivating me. I really do miss living by the sea.. 

I recently started picking up the trash from the ground wherever I go,Stroud Green is one flying plastic bag and Twix wrapper after the other. Please join me and clean up your London. 

There is however one thing (besides multi-culture and friends)  that I will miss about living here- my bedroom window view- with no road, an untamed garden, foxes, cats and pigeons..wild nature sounds in inner London- now that is not something you get to hear just anywhere- not even in Helsinki. 

But even here in my fuzzy tired head I know that I can not (an should not) stay in my room forever- and I have a boyfriend who always needs to be on his feet (lucky me)- unless its guitar or reading time..(really can´t complain) so we go out- and explore. 
We both try to make the most of London while still here and in the weekends we go on trips to everything that is somewhat near. Hike, Castles, Medieval towns- good beer. 

His tired head- early 6 am mornings and I am still a sleep- a week roles by (application coordination-steps towards visa through the work of our little imaginary home-office- hopefully) it is Friday night and he comes to the pub- waits til close and then we walk to mine. He wakes up. My tired head- he boils me tea- let´s make the most of the day shall we <3

It is all a big exiting unknown for us now- but we do it as a team- both supporting where the other ones needs to be. 

deep calming breaths (sounded more yogi that I meant). 

I can´t wait for what the next years brings ahead.