Roar in the Afterglow

How it all comes back to my mind once I meet someone. The reminder, the flashbacks, the worry, it is not him in particular, but it is the fear. The fear that there at some point will be a one eighty turn in their ways, that you do not know what awaits around the corner, but the thing is you will never know if you let that fear take over. Fear can give you guidance, it can warn you, but do not let it control you. And no matter how hopeless it may seem, that we are always let down when we just given it one more go, do not worry, there are good things out there, Even in my own state of slight constant doubt and worry, I believe. Non of us should ever stop doing that. I have learned the hard way to be aware of what is around me, where I am and where I am heading. Time gives trust and too soon pushes get me to start backing. So do not worry (especially mom), I have lost my blue eyes and now I see my surroundings with my own, but with the backpack with all the lessons I have learned to ...

The name of this blog is taken out of two different songs that keep me going, while there are many, as you may have seen on my playlist, these two sum up that whats most important. I wanted to write down the part of the lyrics that mean the most but also share the songs for you to listen in case you had not heard them before. The first one is "Roar" by Katy Perry which I guess that many of you have heard before. I am going to let the following lyrics speak for itself. I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath Scared to rock the boat and make a mess So I sat quietly, agreed politely I guess that I forgot I had a choice I let you push me past the breaking point I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything You held me down, but I got up Already brushing off the dust You hear my voice, your hear that sound Like thunder, gonna shake your ground You held me down, but I got up Get ready 'cause I've had enough I see it all, I see it now ...

I know some lovely couples, and living with them the past two weeks got me inspired to write the following. The perfect match is not if you like the same color, share the exact taste of music or enjoy a similar sport. That perfect match is all that in between. Appreciate each-other as amazing individual human beings. Goodnight <3

I have a history of being a pushover. As a child I had a habit of letting other kids decide over me (or well boss me around), ex. regarding what part oh what character I should be in a fantasy play, and I was just happy to be allowed to even be apart of the thing, to not be left aside. As a teenager that continued, I was glad to just be taken with, to not be left alone. I remember a specific incidence (at a scouts camp actually) where my teammates, decided that we should cheat in a competition task where the leader did not play a big part, by telling the others that I was the group leader since I was the weakly talented one....the only task my teammates gave me during that day long competition was to keep a track of time. I was happy just to get to be with them, that the allowed me to be there, but within me, as so many other times, it did hurt, I just did not say anything and did my best to bury those feelings... well, we ended up winning that competition, but the way to do that w...

I had the most wonderful thing happen to me, it was love, just like out of a film.. actually, it Was in a film. And I was sitting on the couch, by myself, just me, eating left over chocolates from Christmas ... And it was so romantic that I even clipped my toenails on the same table.. okey that is not romantic at all... but I am by myself, so I can do whatever I want and soon I am going to be living in and sharing a house with 4 other people for the next 6 months and maybe longer after that, so I am taking everything out from these last few days as a lonesome.  Anyway, the point was to write about the feeling you get when you watch a film like that- with no one who holds you, smiles back at you or massages your shoulders while you clip your toenails. Sometimes it might feel like a bit of self torture, am I right ? I mean I know times when I just do not let myself watch anything like that, just to avoid the feeling. But why? I mean, I like it, not the self torture, but the other ...

Do you stress ? I stress a lot.  The past days I have been kind of busy with making sure that all the forms/document for my exchange and moving are correct, and the truth is, there has not really been that much that needed to be done (since I started fixing everything many many months ago), just some small things that are easily fixed, so why do I get so stressed about them? I always do that, I panic and I make things a bigger deal than they probably actually are, just because what if it turns out that its a big deal, than I have to do everything, and I mean everything to try to fix it, sometimes it feel like I almost search for the problems just so that I will have a solution for it if it decides to suddenly run into me. But the thing is, I should just do what I can and then relax because I have already done what I can do for now. Over thinking does not usually mean that you came up with anything smart, or at least in my head it sound more like a stressed out parrot who has h...

It is not easy knowing whether what you found is right, is this love real ? Is this love safe ? How do I truly feel ? It can be difficult to be honest with ourselves. I usually (or well, those few times I get this far) try to ask myself these 3 following questions, and I hope they can help you too; 1.   If all you had was an empty white room, could you sit there with just them, as they are, and would they sit there with you ? Do you love them for them, or for the things that come with ? Do we love them for a hobby that they have. their family or friends, their social status, A high position at a fancy company or the ability to treat us with luxuries ? And how about them, what is it that they love about You, is it You they love ? Would they be enough as they are, would you love them even without all those things? And how about them ? Sometimes there might even be things that come with that we find annoying or that we do not like, or in worst case makes us feel unsafe, ...