I'm writing this at work during night shift trying to stay awake. I didn`t exactly know what I wanted to write down right now, but for some reason I felt inspired, So will see how this goes...Lately I`ve been thinking a lot about anxiety and trust issues. Because of my past I find it difficult to trust guys. And it`s not about men in general, I know that there are goodhearted trustworthy guys out there. It's just that.. sometimes I'm afraid that the guys that come close to me or I start to like, are well, bad news, heart breakers, players..or worse. The thing is, I`ve seen some of that worse, I `ve lived with the worst. And met a few ( not all of them tough :) ) still years after that ended and I thought that I`ve finally had found my confidence to not fall for these guys anymore, that I finally learned to read right !.. So I Know they exist. The Worst. For example the men with no or little capability of feeling empathy. The on - off guys, the ones who tell you that they care about you and then, well then your air, invisible, forgotten, just like that. Or the men who just want attention from as many women as possible and play several women, the same way at the same time....Sometimes I feel like they are popping up like mushrooms in the forest.
So how do I really know who`s the good one ? The only answer is to try to get to know them and to give that `getting to know someone -part` a lot of time. Time.. That`s what I really need the most, And I know It, and still I get so anxious with the waiting; waiting for them to get back to me, waiting for their reaction (and always expecting and being prepared for the worst ), It`s like I sometimes find myself waiting for that moment when it all takes a big turn to crazyville and then over and over again have to calm my self down and tell myself to stop worrying. But I still don`t want anything to happen to fast, and the other truth is, Even If I in some magical way found out that a guy that I liked was good for me, and that he then even would ask me to be in a relationship with him, I`d probably feel noshes and run away faster than road runner, I'm not ready yet.
Because of my trust issues, I get anxious, easily, and I over-analyze everything, easily.
The reason I`ve been thinking about this (again) for the past few days, is that not so long ago I met this guy. He seems like a good person and we have a lot in common ( not everything though which in my mind is always a good sign, that way you can be more sure of that their not just trying to impress you and get your attention, but that they have the true confidence to be them selves)and we`ve met a few times. Have to tell you, he `s a real gentleman although in small natural proportions aka not overdoing it (even though I honestly don`t believe in there existence) Some of my friends even tried to point out to me that maybe my karma was turning. Why couldn't I just trust this and stop worrying? The thing is, he`s really confusing me. We laid our cards on the table, none of us want anything serious for now, we talk.. then after a while he's distant.. then he comes over and there`s a night..he says almost the opposite to what he said earlier, I try not to listen, then he's distant again and I get confused and anxious. What kind of a guy is he ? After a few days he tells me that he has liked the time with me but that he now needs space. That he gets anxious easily when a girl gets the way that I do. Is it his way of saying that I'm getting to close to fast ? I Wish that he knew that I understand the feeling of being anxious. I`ts just that with me it get`s triggered for the opposite reason, when someone doesn`t let me get to know them. Right now it feels like he´s disappeared of the face of the earth. Some days I really think I miss him.
So how do I really know who`s the good one ? The only answer is to try to get to know them and to give that `getting to know someone -part` a lot of time. Time.. That`s what I really need the most, And I know It, and still I get so anxious with the waiting; waiting for them to get back to me, waiting for their reaction (and always expecting and being prepared for the worst ), It`s like I sometimes find myself waiting for that moment when it all takes a big turn to crazyville and then over and over again have to calm my self down and tell myself to stop worrying. But I still don`t want anything to happen to fast, and the other truth is, Even If I in some magical way found out that a guy that I liked was good for me, and that he then even would ask me to be in a relationship with him, I`d probably feel noshes and run away faster than road runner, I'm not ready yet.
Because of my trust issues, I get anxious, easily, and I over-analyze everything, easily.
The reason I`ve been thinking about this (again) for the past few days, is that not so long ago I met this guy. He seems like a good person and we have a lot in common ( not everything though which in my mind is always a good sign, that way you can be more sure of that their not just trying to impress you and get your attention, but that they have the true confidence to be them selves)and we`ve met a few times. Have to tell you, he `s a real gentleman although in small natural proportions aka not overdoing it (even though I honestly don`t believe in there existence) Some of my friends even tried to point out to me that maybe my karma was turning. Why couldn't I just trust this and stop worrying? The thing is, he`s really confusing me. We laid our cards on the table, none of us want anything serious for now, we talk.. then after a while he's distant.. then he comes over and there`s a night..he says almost the opposite to what he said earlier, I try not to listen, then he's distant again and I get confused and anxious. What kind of a guy is he ? After a few days he tells me that he has liked the time with me but that he now needs space. That he gets anxious easily when a girl gets the way that I do. Is it his way of saying that I'm getting to close to fast ? I Wish that he knew that I understand the feeling of being anxious. I`ts just that with me it get`s triggered for the opposite reason, when someone doesn`t let me get to know them. Right now it feels like he´s disappeared of the face of the earth. Some days I really think I miss him.
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