I'm sitting here on the slightly tilted red sofa in a somewhat uncomfortable position while trying to keep my feet from turning into ice-blocks. I'm still in my office wear (worried that my pajamas might be too cold) as the winter weather (not beasty cold for me- just for London) is pushing it's way through the one layered windows. Now.. you might be wondering... what is a single hip young (hah..) woman doing in her pajamas at 7 pm on a Thursday? (... or maybe you won't -as you're just like me..)
It took some time for me to figure out what I wanted to say here, and how I wanted to say it. But my main topic was this; the imagined shadow that a non- existing love-life puts on all the other aspects of your life, when 1 + 0 +1= 0. Again, love is found all around (remember that) and these thought are mostly based on my own coconut, all people think and feel differently.
But I do feel lonely alot of times, secretly and unknowingly demeaning other aspects of my life, like my career, exciting adventures and all the years of surprises and turns still waiting for me. If it doesn't entail a man (I mean the man).. all it is is sad. Even though it isn't. Demons in our heads are meant to be fought.
So why don't I go out there more ? Do something about it? Well I do, sometimes. I try, sometimes. But the truth is that if it isn't right, it isn't.. and being faced with non-clickness, or men who run faster from emotions then when finding themselves being chased by dinosaurs at night (something that I, unrelated to this, also mentioned in my previous post... yes thats how much alone time I have on my hands.. I can occasionally add ancient lizards post-posting) just doesn't grow my motivation. Mostly it's put on hold.
And maybe the other truth is this.. sometimes some things need to wait in order to make room for other things. I am busy, besides adventures- alone and with friends, I have a new career, many exciting opportunities (..and in need of preserving all the energy I have)..and I have wondered how this came in to my life right now, this year.. just when I'm starting to fall into the "I will die alone"- hole (just joking... partly). He/She is not supposed to be here yet. I know these thoughts can hit you- maybe even harder- when you're still looking for those opportunities.. but that my friend is an opportunity itself. Not a downfall, but an gift of growth and self exploration, that was handed to you as a gift from whatever controls faith and time.
Maybe for you (or me), other paths are meant to be, the finish-line is something we can not simply see.
Don't let your (self decided) lackings push you down, whatever that last piece entails for you, one day- when its right, it will be found.
Everything has its time and place.
Give the current wonderful things in your life some credit, give them a growing space.
You are right now where you are meant to be, inner journeys are not often seen,
as long as you move forward, you have All you need.
You are not lacking, just living, piece by piece.
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