A Red thread of my love life

Theres a story behind everything I write and I wanted to take you through it so you could put the puzzle pieces together and follow the red thread for all these poems and thoughts.

Right before the end of the year I found out that my good friend and something more, who I had known since I moved to London, was seeing someone. I felt a bit heart broken since I just started to realize that I could feel deeper for him down the line and worried of losing him completely (as it often tends to go..). But we stayed friends and he still gives me advise regarding understanding guys minds and calms be down when I feel like I might be going Coco Loco. I am happy to have met this Australian Giant. Sometimes men come into our lives for a whole other reason then it first may seem.

In late January I met a wonderful guy from another country across the world. We dated all through spring. It was the closest I`ve been to a relationship in the past 3 years. He was the one on my mind when I wrote Holding on to Doubt. 

But it got too intense too fast. I could feel losing myself, and I was scared of the speed even though I never mentioned it. I could see his tired face through the smiles. Neither of us should lose ourselves and It wasn't long ago since he left a heavy breathless situation, and having been there myself I understood.  In early April he put breaks into the wheel before I had time to slow it down. But he didn't want to lose me as a friend. 

During the spring the ghost from the past, a guy I dated during my exchange over a year ago and who had vanished completely, reached out to me again. He started messaging me in the end of april while I was on holiday in Portugal. I´ve met him twice this summer here in London. (dont ask why.. cause I dont really know.. curiosity, boredom ? A secret wish to punch my emotional bones ?). Fun fact; he hasn't changed (no surprises there). I wrote about him in the post Find the person who lets you stand firmly, as I wanted to remind myself of how his presence didn't let me do that. But I`ve learnt that he is not for me, and we can always forgive.

But back to the man who has been in my thoughts in most of the love related posts this spring and summer. As the breaks fell into the wheel and we stayed friends, but I got to eager causing him to go silent, I wrote the post Best Possible Mistake, however the silence haunted me for a while and contributed to that anxiety in May. I took many breathers and the importance of A Humble Reboot came to mind again.  Finally,after clearing my head and heart I wrote Love, Unconditionally. This post was inspired by the current situation, as well as the Aussie, and my good ´back-home` ex who though me how to hug again (and just got married).