The Creative Fear

The fear that comes with being creative, that was the topic I wanted to write about today,
As its been the Easter holidays I`ve had much more time to leave some head-space for thoughts and wording then I usually do, I've also consumed more sugar than is recommended, but oh well, Christmas only comes ones a year...

Lying here wrapped under a warm Scottish Tartan cover, okey actually its from Dover, England.. but associated with great memories either way, I can hear the raindrops on my half-open window. The birds are singing, and no they wont stop, they really won't. Spring is here. Grey and Rainy.

Anyway, let me step out from dreaming. So, how to dare to be creative, creative with personal things.. and what problems (mostly caused my the roadblocks of your own mind) will you face ?

First of all, the thought that One can always write something good, say it right, clearly and in a way thats relatable.. well thats a load of horse-crap. Does not happen.

Only in the slightest New Moon, maybe;  these are the moments a writer surprises themselves. Words Flow, they come together. The red thread is there all the way and you look at that piece of paper or screen like its a Christmas miracle. Step One- You Can Write.

More then often however these words come to you in places where the writing down part just simply isn't possible. The Shower.. then their gone.... The Tube.. a noise.. poof.

More then often I find myself writing down something halfway.. then struggle through the rest, start to rhyme.. get back to the roots, think of word that matches with the ending, the conclusion I want to put into words.. but rhyme.. Oh the Rhyme. It comes even when I don't try.

And every rhyming poem writer knows this; when you started (and don't want to ruin what you already wrote) you just try to keep that rhythmic flow. To see how the beat breaks in half, sort of hurts, but I learned to live with it and post, it's personal and mine, and thats what matters the most.

And what if the rhyming seems pretentious ?

And when writing things that are personal, you give something away, a deep peace from within your heart, some of us might say. What if it changes how they see me, what if they see me as scary, crazy.. something worse? To post on Facebook from friends to acquaintances rather than only strangers, that is something else. Strangers might not care as much for what they really think, but the other group..well life is like Facebook in 4D (sort of..) so....., Of course (then again) opinions and feelings are not pressed in ink.

But I do (well really try to) not only write this for me, advice is what I want to give, hope, perspective, thought, even though I am constantly worried that thats not how it seems. But I am talking for the person, to the person- who maybe right now can not breathe, to the person why is taking steps as we speak, or the person why is unknowingly sitting right next to them. I wish we were less lonely with our inner thoughts, and in this life, started to speak.

And then learned, grew, to the best that we can be.

I'm afraid that I do not get my message across, that I get misunderstood (I often go back and fill in, update..) And If I feel like I did (that this was a good one) then I'm afraid of the critique.. " what are you trying to achieve ? Stop whining and then preaching, just let us be" .... well, you don't have to read (and FYI, no one has said that yet, but unsaid comments build up in your head).

So What to do, how do you Do it ?

Well. You do it anyway, with perfect imperfection, that's what I would say. You see its not their life or masterpiece, it is your very own.

Draw, Write, Build, Express..(and Live !) this story, you're thinking of.


Ps. Read the Book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert if you want to know more on this topic,


Now I'm going out for Korean food with the rest of the Thunder Monkeys (comedy improv group if anyone was concerned). China Town next.

Adios, for now.