Yes I'm writing, and its late.. very late. I found out about something today, and to be honest it was something I was expecting. Hes seeing someone else. The reason I was expecting it was not because I knew, I mean how could I have known, he lives far far away, lets just say that there`s a whole lot of water between us. I was Expecting it because I always expect the worst, or that something might not go as hoped, there are no fairy tales. Just so that I wouldn't get hurt again. But still I believe in love, I always have and always will. I don't know if that makes any sense right now.. but I do. I was on my way to a student party, after our written discussion, I felt a bit bad, like something I was waiting for wasn't there anymore, in my head, still right before this I had that thought; he was going to show me around London.. but I went anyway, not to drink my mind to a haze, but to continue living my life, because that's what big girls do.. And yes, naturally I thought to myself, I'm going to find myself a man and forget all about it, but as a girl at almost 25 at a freshman's party.. with half of them barely standing.. I didn't feel like that was my place to be.. and to be honest it made me feel worse. But I staid, tried to make the best of it with the girls and then after having a few young boys stumble on me with the their beers, took my old fart ass home.
You know my mom has said that she doesn't want to know about the guys me and sister meet, she doesn't want to get heartbroken when it ends. But last week I was at home with a cold, I was alone with mom and we had a girls night, and since its so seldom that we have these, I decided to tell her about him, and I can tell you, she was exited. Telling her about where he had studied and where he works and how sweet he seems to be, I can tell you that her eyes led up like a christmastree, today she was showing me how she can speak with a British accent..
Well there you have it, hes from England, and I meet him here and he had been far up north visiting a friends summer place in a small small city ( well village really) with his friends, which official language is the country's minority language ( is that a word.. ) that I and 5 % of this country belongs to.. and.. soon I'm of to England for an exchange myself...Yeah.. What are the odds.
As we girls always do, Ive told about him to my best friend... okey I told her the second after he had walked me to the train when I had to leave our date for work, yeah.. haha.. me and her..we are both hopelessly foolish romantics..and I have to say its nice.. and we went to see a romantic comedy yesterday, the younger lead male character had the same hair colour as him..and for us eastern Scands not to most usual one.. And I think I wanted to die out of laughter.. me and my friend.. we are both firm believers of "signs" You Know ?.. its really ridiculous..and yes it makes you go a bit crazy, but Its nice to not be alone in that. Well she told me ( like she very often does, but just when she really really means it <3) that this seems like a really great guy, and that shes so exited for me. Shes in a not so great relationship herself, but even tough she knows that this isn't it, she stays with him for now. And she ( as many others, and myself sometimes) told me that sometimes shes just so afraid that she wont find someone again, And I said; Well, that's not true, sure you will, and she said and Yeah you found an Englishman, before you even went there.. that has to mean that it is out there. Its nice to have friends like this. I want her to believe in love, in the thought that you newer know when you might meet that person. So for now I wont tell her about this, No matter how much it would help to have my best friend to talk to about it. I wont. ( And she doesn't read my blog, since we talk instead.. so maybe she wont see this )
A while back, that would be June, I meet this guy, the on-off one who I wrote about in my earliest posts.. well he really had an effect on me..even tough I tried to take everything he said with a hint of salt.. and that night when he said the opposite of not wanting anything for now.. he Also told me this; He had realised that I was real and that was why he started to like me, after that night he got very distant ( I mean he shot off all contact with me ) and then I spoke to him on the phone in the middle of August and he said that he wouldn't have called me up late and come up to my apartment if he didn't mean what he was saying, but he thought that we shouldn't continue this. After that call, he was off again. Now he isn't even interested in having a friendship since he has enough friends.. Yeah..
Well anyway, right before that call in August, I meet him, the reason I'm writing this, To be honest in my head a pictured a weird man not being who he said he was, trying to seduce a young Scandinavian.. you know, just so that I wouldn't get hurt, I was going to take this date with humor, And I remember when I then saw him and got a feeling, you know ? Haha. and he was the first guy who knew what a CBT therapist is ( something I'm planing to become ) and.. o the little birds that sat on his chair while he was getting us coffee.. it was the sunniest day of this cold summer. And over the months I've tried to tell the silly romantish sign reading part of me that I probably would have found that day as romantic even if I sat next to a hamster. And No ( If You read this ) I'm not comparing you to a hamster, your much cuter than that.. haha.. but the point is it was just the moment, or was it ? As he followed me to my train and left the train station, and he kissed me on the cheeks ( as apparently all English gents do.. ) I looked back, and I had that feeling again, You know ? When everything is so simple and honest, that You don't even have to try. He flew back home that same day.
But yeah.. Real, that's the thing I want to feel...and hear. that someone likes me for that., for this person I am today. And someone says that, just to mess with your head, or their own, who knows.. and then ....You meet someone,once in real life and then You cant talk to them, not in a really real way.. and theres months and you live your lives. And You don't know how many times I wish that Id be there already. That he would see this, real, and we cant. And we talk about it, how much it sucks that You cant really get to know one and other then, Internet is bad, Real is good... Wish he would have had the chance to get to know me, and me him.. and no I'm not ready. but I guess that romantic ever so in love believing girl just wanted really badly to take a leap of faith, or at least not lose this one.
And as we wrote today we came to the conclusion that life goes on and you have to live it, timing was wrong he said. And it does suck he said. And yes It does. But your strong so you'll be okey he said (and I guess through our discussions and this blog he might have seen it ) And forget me for now he said. And Yes, after so many times I know I´ll be okey.
But I still believe in love and all the foolish little signs,
Goodnight and then there will be a new day
You know my mom has said that she doesn't want to know about the guys me and sister meet, she doesn't want to get heartbroken when it ends. But last week I was at home with a cold, I was alone with mom and we had a girls night, and since its so seldom that we have these, I decided to tell her about him, and I can tell you, she was exited. Telling her about where he had studied and where he works and how sweet he seems to be, I can tell you that her eyes led up like a christmastree, today she was showing me how she can speak with a British accent..
Well there you have it, hes from England, and I meet him here and he had been far up north visiting a friends summer place in a small small city ( well village really) with his friends, which official language is the country's minority language ( is that a word.. ) that I and 5 % of this country belongs to.. and.. soon I'm of to England for an exchange myself...Yeah.. What are the odds.
As we girls always do, Ive told about him to my best friend... okey I told her the second after he had walked me to the train when I had to leave our date for work, yeah.. haha.. me and her..we are both hopelessly foolish romantics..and I have to say its nice.. and we went to see a romantic comedy yesterday, the younger lead male character had the same hair colour as him..and for us eastern Scands not to most usual one.. And I think I wanted to die out of laughter.. me and my friend.. we are both firm believers of "signs" You Know ?.. its really ridiculous..and yes it makes you go a bit crazy, but Its nice to not be alone in that. Well she told me ( like she very often does, but just when she really really means it <3) that this seems like a really great guy, and that shes so exited for me. Shes in a not so great relationship herself, but even tough she knows that this isn't it, she stays with him for now. And she ( as many others, and myself sometimes) told me that sometimes shes just so afraid that she wont find someone again, And I said; Well, that's not true, sure you will, and she said and Yeah you found an Englishman, before you even went there.. that has to mean that it is out there. Its nice to have friends like this. I want her to believe in love, in the thought that you newer know when you might meet that person. So for now I wont tell her about this, No matter how much it would help to have my best friend to talk to about it. I wont. ( And she doesn't read my blog, since we talk instead.. so maybe she wont see this )
A while back, that would be June, I meet this guy, the on-off one who I wrote about in my earliest posts.. well he really had an effect on me..even tough I tried to take everything he said with a hint of salt.. and that night when he said the opposite of not wanting anything for now.. he Also told me this; He had realised that I was real and that was why he started to like me, after that night he got very distant ( I mean he shot off all contact with me ) and then I spoke to him on the phone in the middle of August and he said that he wouldn't have called me up late and come up to my apartment if he didn't mean what he was saying, but he thought that we shouldn't continue this. After that call, he was off again. Now he isn't even interested in having a friendship since he has enough friends.. Yeah..
Well anyway, right before that call in August, I meet him, the reason I'm writing this, To be honest in my head a pictured a weird man not being who he said he was, trying to seduce a young Scandinavian.. you know, just so that I wouldn't get hurt, I was going to take this date with humor, And I remember when I then saw him and got a feeling, you know ? Haha. and he was the first guy who knew what a CBT therapist is ( something I'm planing to become ) and.. o the little birds that sat on his chair while he was getting us coffee.. it was the sunniest day of this cold summer. And over the months I've tried to tell the silly romantish sign reading part of me that I probably would have found that day as romantic even if I sat next to a hamster. And No ( If You read this ) I'm not comparing you to a hamster, your much cuter than that.. haha.. but the point is it was just the moment, or was it ? As he followed me to my train and left the train station, and he kissed me on the cheeks ( as apparently all English gents do.. ) I looked back, and I had that feeling again, You know ? When everything is so simple and honest, that You don't even have to try. He flew back home that same day.
But yeah.. Real, that's the thing I want to feel...and hear. that someone likes me for that., for this person I am today. And someone says that, just to mess with your head, or their own, who knows.. and then ....You meet someone,once in real life and then You cant talk to them, not in a really real way.. and theres months and you live your lives. And You don't know how many times I wish that Id be there already. That he would see this, real, and we cant. And we talk about it, how much it sucks that You cant really get to know one and other then, Internet is bad, Real is good... Wish he would have had the chance to get to know me, and me him.. and no I'm not ready. but I guess that romantic ever so in love believing girl just wanted really badly to take a leap of faith, or at least not lose this one.
And as we wrote today we came to the conclusion that life goes on and you have to live it, timing was wrong he said. And it does suck he said. And yes It does. But your strong so you'll be okey he said (and I guess through our discussions and this blog he might have seen it ) And forget me for now he said. And Yes, after so many times I know I´ll be okey.
But I still believe in love and all the foolish little signs,
Goodnight and then there will be a new day
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